I have experienced countless men struggle with women and relationships in general. It took some growing up, experiencing interactions, and reading personal accounts from the manosphere to give me a clearer insight on the intentions of fellow men, as well as point out the types of men who thrive and/or struggle.

People keep saying the phrase “nice guys finish last,” but is that entirely true? Being a nice guy and whether he finishes last is based on context. Perhaps we should take a better look at what we mean by “nice guy,” and depending who he is can help or hinder his progression in attracting women and other relations. Here are two scenarios and outcomes that will allow you to differentiate one type of nice guy over the other.

Nice Guy #1

This type is the traditionally nice guy: respectful, considerate, positive and friendly guy who is attentive to every one’s needs before his own. He goes out of his way to please everyone. Even if he has been stressed out all week with work, relationships or just himself, he makes sure that he appeases his girlfriend with roses delivered to her job, or calls and texts incessantly to say “I love you.” He frees up his gym time, massage and hapkido sessions to go party with acquaintances, who he labels as “close friends,” even though the group has not contacted him in months, hanging exclusively with each other.

This guy is an amazing worker, having excellent reports from clients and work superiors. He is highly intelligent and wise, well-dressed and groomed and knows the ins-and-outs of his company, making him a very valuable and respected employee. His immediate boss, however, does not think so, and most of it stems through jealousy. This guy’s boss finds everything in his willpower to keep this guy from moving up the ladder. He also gives him multiple assignments, leaving him to work late nights and weekends. This guy could go up the chain of command to report his boss and demand a raise, but he is worried about what that might do to his career. So this guy continues to be a “Yes man”, kneeling in fear and submission towards each request. A typical dialogue follows:

“What is wrong with you? I called/texted you 30 minutes ago. Why didn’t you pick up the phone!? You’re such a dumb fuck! Geez you make me angry!” irritably states his friends/employer/significant other.

To girlfriend: “I am so sorry! I apologize! I will make sure to always have my phone around me. Do you need me to be close to home today, babe?”

To boss: “Do you want me to stay late at the office tonight? Should I be on call in case you need something?” he inquires to his boss.

Because people are used to him and his selfless ways, they rely on him, so even at the slightest lack of servitude, the tiniest ounce of inattention toward their needs, his friends, family and employees ridicule and criticize his behavior, which reinforce this guy to care highly of their expectations of him.

Boss yells at man Girlfriend Angry at Boyfriend

Nice Guy #2

The second type is the guy who is kind, respectful, considerate, positive, social and attentive to everyone AFTER his needs are met. He normally cares about his health and happiness as his first priority. He makes sure he grabs a full nights rest, hits the gym, eats nutritiously, reads, meditates, attends his massage sessions, etc. His girlfriend gets angry because she has not seen him much this whole week. His mother worries about why he has not called to check-in within the past month, his close friends and acquaintances are texting and leaving him voicemails like “What the fuck, dude!? We have been texting you all day/week/month and I haven’t heard anything from you. Where have you been!?”

None of these comments bother him, because he knows he deserves what he has been doing for himself, and will get back to these people whenever he is available. “Yeah, they can all wait until I am done with what I need to do first.”

This guy does a checklist for himself: “Did I take care of myself first? Check. Then I can go and help xyz person(s) to do xyz thing(s). Did I take care of what I needed to do for myself today or at this moment? No. Then I cannot help xyz person(s) to do xyz thing(s).”

If his girlfriend nags, he believes to himself, “How dare her even think this way!? I am great and she knows it! She needs to shut up, and wait until I am finished with what I have to do!” If his boys always try to make him pick up the bar tab, he asserts himself by telling them, “No, fuck that, I did that last time! Either all of you are contributing to this bill, or I am paying my portion and going home!”

If he ate and rested well, meditated, completed a great workout session, or finished up his personal errands, he is ready to help out the next man, but he is his first priority.

Man relaxing on beach

Outcome for Nice Guy #1

This type of guy ultimately encounters issues such as depression, anxiety, neurosis, perhaps even psychosis. He is the guy who gets taken advantage by everyone. This guy appears to show the least masculinity; submissiveness being a clear indicator. He not only gets a lack of respect from others, but more importantly he does not respect himself.

Those from the manosphere would describe him as a beta boy. Women can’t really pinpoint or consciously describe his unattractive behavior but would plainly state to their girls, “He’s a nice guy, but I’m not interested,” what his employers would report are statements such as, “He is not a leader,” or “He does not possess strong qualities to move up the chain,” and those guys whom he calls “best friends” see him as a last resort when they need someone to pick up the bar tab or be the designated driver. On the inside he is disgusted with himself, as well as those on the outside of him.

Man with hand out

Outcome for Nice Guy #2

The type of guy is ultimately happy and healthy. Not only do people respect him, but most importantly he respects himself. He is your classic definition of a “gentleman” because he is a positive person to all beings, but takes care of himself first and foremost. Because he puts his needs first, he gives off the vibes of “asshole,” “masculine,” or “alpha,” making him very attractive towards women and other people.

This type of nice guy is regarded by his work superiors as a “strong leader who gets the job done.” He is the calmer and level headed of the two types, assertive when he needs to be, and seems to have everyone swarming to him, whether it be sex, friendships or the go-to man at his company when shit hits the fan. On the inside he is content and pleased with himself, as well as those on the outside of him.

Women surrounding Happy Guy

Conclusion

Gentlemen, it is okay to be a nice guy. What it comes down to is your health and happiness first, and by doing otherwise you are only attracting sickness and bad circumstances. A “bad boy” may be seen as the one who gets all, but when comparing the “bad boy” to “nice guy #2”, you will find that the guy who is nice yet puts his needs before anyone else is actually at the advantage.

When I say to be positive, polite, respectful, happy or considerate, I am talking about being positive and considerate for yourself first. Come up with a “me first” checklist, asking yourself, “Did I do xyz thing(s) for myself? If yes then I can proceed to help out the next man.” If the answer is “no” then that next man can wait until you are done with what you want to do.

Become well versed—read, meditate, exercise, travel, write and record a song, and learn about women and cultures. When you are positive to yourself first, you are increasing your mental and physical well-being, strengthening your immune system and brain. Be that nice guy to yourself primarily, and watch secondarily as good things happen for you, such as attracting women. Because being a nice guy does have its advantages. You just have to choose which TYPE of nice guy you want to be.

Read More: Why Nice Guys Exist In America