9 Reasons Hvar Island Sucks

After spending three weeks in Croatia’s Hvar during the middle of summer, I can confidently advise you not to go there. Here’s why:

1. Too many British people. If there is one nationality that knows how to ruin vacation spots, it’s the British. It doesn’t help that wherever you find British people, you’ll probably stumble on some annoying Australians as well. In Hvar, about 40% of the night crowd was British. The girls seemed slightly better than American girls, but that would be like saying Burger King is better than McDonald’s.

2. There are hardly any Eastern European girls. Most of the girls are from Britain, Norway, Sweden, Canada, America (if you can believe that), Spain, and France. I went to Hvar specifically for Eastern European women so as you can see I made a huge mistake. In three weeks I met one Polish girl and three Hungarian girls. No Estonians, Lithuanians, Latvians, Romanians, Bulgarians, Ukrainians, or Russians.

3. Croatian girls have a strong anti-foreigner shield in Hvar. They think all tourists are drunk fools who just want to stick their penis in anything. It’s especially hard to get with Croatian girls living in Hvar for the summer. They don’t want to be marked as the girl who sleeps with tourists in front of all their Croatian friends. The Croatian guys who work on the island seem to lock up all the girls early on, leaving tourists nothing but the Anglo girls in flip flops.

4. It’s a tourist trap. I am 99% certain that the two only clubs on the island, Carpe Diem Beach and Veneranda, are diluting their vodka with water. Many travelers I talked to also suspect that dilution is going on. Even when not getting scammed, be prepared to pay double compared to the Croatian mainland.

5. The landlords treat you like little kids. No noise. No guests. No midgets. The old people want the benefits of tourism (money) without suffering the slightest inconvenience. If you’re walking around with a girl at 5am and make a bit of noise, some old person will pop out of a wall to tell you to shut up. I had to sneak girls in and tell them to be quiet, only to get caught anyway. My Russian friend said this is how things went down in Soviet times.

6. There are no freebies. Even if you go to Vegas, it will be easy to bang a 4 or 5. She will not put up roadblocks. In Hvar, there were no freebies. Even a 5 had to be gamed with everything you got, where success was far from guaranteed. The two biggest problems were cockblocking and logistics. It was also the case where the math was important: if you’re with one guy but you’re working on three girls, enjoy jerking off later with your hand. The only city in Europe where I had to work harder than Hvar was Riga. Even in Denmark I got much better results for my effort.

7. You’re lost in a sea of dudes. The ratio at night wasn’t actually that bad, about 1 girl for 1-2 guys, but these guys are so aggressive that really it feels like a 1 to 4 ratio. Girls are getting approached over a dozen times a day from guys all over the world while stuck in ADD hyper party mode. It was very hard to get and keep a girl’s attention.

For example, a good day spot is Hula Hula Beach Club. Many times I had girls digging me, telling me to contact them later to hang, but nothing would pan out. Why would the girl care about me when by the time I contact her she will be hit on by another five guys? Hvar is the only place where I had to guard the girls. I started giving them bad advice to keep them away from the good spots while pushing for earlier meetups. I had no choice.

8. You need luck and aggressiveness, not game. The best way to describe the game here is musical chairs. Many nights I’d see a guy working on a girl for a while only for her to make out with another dude later on. You have to approach her at the exact time she’s thinking of getting laid or else you will get nowhere. Girls cycle through huge quantities of guys every day with no obvious selection process. The best thing you can do is be aggressive and escalate quickly. If she doesn’t dig it then move on to the next girl.

9. The nightlife is weak. Before 2am you have a bunch of dinky bars and then after 2am you only have a choice between two clubs which overcharge you and give you fake alcohol. If you don’t have a solid prospect by 2am, you’re going to be out of luck because the two clubs will be filled with mostly Anglo girls.

Hvar was a frustrating experience. In the end I did have a couple kills (including a virgin) that prevented the trip from being a total failure, but I would never go back again. I advise you to do the same.

Read More: Hvar Datasheet