Culture bikini-contest

March 4th, 2013

51

Where Did The Pretty American Girls Go?

By

Recently I’ve been on a 80’s and 90’s movie kick. Partially because the movies are so absurd that they are enjoyable, and partially because I don’t like to watch movies and have 18 problems surface which seems to be the current trend. I also love the the scenery of the long lost American woman. While watching Hardbodies on Crackle, I got to thinking, where did the American women go?

There was a time when America dominated everything. Foreign women loved our military men, and foreign men were envious of the abundance of our women. Those days are long gone, which is probably the biggest disappointment of my life. Being 24, the only thing I got to experience from 90’s women was the fantasy that when I grew older I too would have gorgeous women in bikinis. Imagine my horror when I got to college in 2006 and I had a better chance of finding oil in my backyard than large groups of gorgeous blondes on the beach.

Here’s a quick reflection of some of the great comparisons of the now extinct American beauty, and the current replacements.

tumblr_lu29u2Hrg01qb274z

Saved by the Bell dominated 90’s TV. Viewers got to drool over Kelly, and the worst they had to look at was Jessie.

fat amy

Saved by the Bell has now been replaced with Pitch Perfect. Yes the lead character is still attractive, but now instead of a less attractive friend, the world is left with Fat Amy. Oh Joy!

The Real World revolutionized television with the idea of reality TV, displaying seven seemingly attractive people in a house with the hopes of constant banging and arguments being caught on camera.

rwboston

We are now left with The Biggest Loser, and while at least it bases it’s concept on losing weight, the series is still full of morbidly obese humpback whales.

biggestloser

Additionally, in the past we had Married with Children. The story of a typical loser man who hates his wife, has a weird son, and one really hot daughter.

Married with Children 10

Now we have Mike and Molly, the story of two love birds who can’t decide if they can figure out how sex works, or whether they should just eat another deep fried turkey.

mikeandmolly

In the days of yesteryear, women congregated in groups of primarily equal quality. At worst they had a less attractive friend who was usually still more attractive than the alternatives. It was roughly a three tiered system: hottest, slightly less hot, still bangable. Now we have hottest, slightly less hot, bangable, maybe if i’m completely shitfaced, and oh my god my eyeballs are bleeding.

So what happened? From watching 80’s movies its quite obvious that the system was perfect. Women and men had their gender roles, but when it came to the concept of sex they were on equal grounds. Thanks to feminism, women have been told men treat them as sex objects and they then second guess their sexcapades. In retrospect, in the 80’s women had the right to get laid for their own pleasure, and there were no negative consequences. Why? Because as men, as long as she’s a good lay and clean we don’t care.

21-cindy-crawford-marco-glaviano
Cindy Crawford is the prime example of the lost American Woman.

So now as men we have two options. We can either pretend we are in the 80’s and pine over old movies. Or we can leave the country where women still accept womanly roles and life procures as it should. Unfortunately, the American dream in regards to women is dead. There are no more Cindy Crawford’s of this country. The American woman is dead. And that my friends, is a sad, sad thing.

Read Next: 6 Reasons Why Jersey Shore Was Good For American Culture



About the Author

holds a BA in English Literature with a writing emphasis and also holds a Minor in History. He focuses most of his attention towards physical fitness, sports, small town game, and self improvement.

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  • Brobox

    So true about saved by the bell. Strange enough, Jesse (Elizabeth Berkley) at 40, is the only one who is still hot. Kelly (Tiffani Thiessen) is fat now. Or she fluctuates I should say. And Lisa Turtle (Lark Voorhies) has lupus.

    And foreign women still love american military men. It may not be global, but they do.

  • Dr. Zoidberg

    Am I the only one not having trouble finding good women in the states?

    http://youtu.be/6vQpW9XRiyM

    • gunslingergregi

      prob sucks if you don’t have the glory days to even think about

  • Patrick Bateman

    Kaley Cuoco is hot

    • whatsamattayou

      she was hotter back in the 8 simple rules days when she was 18. you can tell by looking at her arms and her jaw that she’s one carb load away from ballooning. inside her there’s a fat chick slobbering to get out.

      don’t get me wrong though, would still bang.

    • jack

      watch the pilot of Big Bang Theory, then watch one of this seasons episodes.

      She has depreciated A LOT in the past 4-5 years. And not just normal aging.

      Amazing how some hollywood actresses whose entire career and relevancy is based on being hot can’t stay hot.

  • Eurobrat

    Something seriously went wrong in the 1980′s…

    • Slashfund

      It’s the 60s and 70s feminist legislation that rotted out the core of society and generations that followed

  • http://twitter.com/campofthesaints camp

    There are still women out there in the states if look hard enough. You’d be surprised how many men just want to find the right girl and get married.

    • gunslingergreg

      not surprized and its used against them in a court of law

    • knuckledragger

      …its also surprising how many people like blood pudding. …Its also surprising how its easier to just find a total bitch and buy her a house than it is to get married.

  • Sombro

    It’s not just looks per se that have gone downhill. I see ostensibly hot chicks dresses like slobs with a bitchface scowl. Disheartening.

  • colonelcrimson

    While I agree the obesity epidemic has caused a definite dampening in American female attractiveness, I don’t think the upper crust of women has been affected one iota–in fact, I’d submit that the attractive women have gotten more attractive. I’d also say any girl not obese is probably more attractive. Flip through a senior yearbook from 1987 sometime and honestly tell me those girls are hotter than those from a 2007 yearbook. They’re not. Most of them look kinda weird.

    It’s easy to pick and choose shows from today that depict unattractive females, but it’s not like those didn’t exist in the 80s. I mean, Shirley Duvall played Jack Nicholson’s wife in The Shining. Roseanne had her own show. One of the main characters on The Facts of Life was Natalie Green, played by Mindy Cohn. Don’t know who these women are, look them up. Not pretty.

    • Eurobrat

      Depends on what your idea of what attractive is. Now go pick up a college yearbook from somewhere in Eastern Europe and look at the sheer number of hot girls vs. say some town in America.

    • citizen norbit

      They “look kinda weird” because it was 1987, weird hair and clothes were all the rage. But if you lived back then it would seem cool to you, not weird.

    • corvinus

      Sure, America still has hot chicks, but if you consider that 1/3 of American women are lardasses, it means that for every bangable girl there are 1.5 guys.

      • corvinus

        Add to that the poisoning of women’s attitudes toward normal flirting by feminism, the Vagina Monologues, and Take Back the Night hysteria. If we consider half the remaining girls are so damaged, that means more like 3 guys for every girl.

      • http://www.facebook.com/john.kathan.1 John Kathan

        1/3 of American men are lardasses as well so i wouldn’t worry too much about the ratio.

      • Turbo the Drycleaner

        but those lardasses still dont want to fuck female lardasses so the problem remains.

      • Richard

        And besides despite feminazi propaganda, men only need focus on making money and fuck loads of it, and women who are required to be good looking.

      • Bo Jangles

        god I just went to a bar in my home town, there was a grand total of one thin girl (taken) in the whole bar. WTF is happening.

  • d_dawg

    this article is retard. like you would have had a chance w/ c_crawford in the 90s unless you were famous or filthy rich.

    • corvinus

      There were lots of girls as hot as Cindy Crawford. She is being held up as an example.

      • Stuki

        There were never lots of girls as hot as Cindy Crawford. She was stunning even in the rather well stocked pool of A-list women in entertainment.

        Based solely on pics (never seen her in person), I’d venture to guess Candice Swanepoel is in every way her prime age equal, but she “ain’t American….”

  • John Rambo
  • John Rambo

    Paul Elam, A Voice for Men- the biggest conjob in the MRA and disinfo agent

    http://www.crimesagainstfathers.com/australia/Forums/tabid/82/forumid/107/postid/4658/scope/posts/Default.aspx

    A short commentary on MRA leaders

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ElZzB4P2D4

    The so called “Leaders” of the MRA area are lying to you all. They are telling you that governments make legislation that you HAVE to obey and that they can FORCE you to obey using the police FORCE. This is a lie. They know it is a lie. And they are telling you lies that they know are lies.

    The TRUTH is that legislation is NOT LAW and you do not have to obey ANY legislation. Here are links to videos that go into this in detail. This is not a new idea. Many people KNOW that legislation is not law and have been telling you so for a long time.

    The excuse offered is usually “well the guvment can hurt you if you do not obey” is just that. An excuse. The only reason that guvments do hurt men who do not obey is because men have TOLERATED these crimes and not formed new courts to put criminals in guvment on trial. Men only have themselves to blame.

  • Doc

    I would say that “The American Dream” is dead in the United States. That carries over into everything else…

  • http://www.realmenabroad.com/ A Man Abroad

    The pretty girls live in charleston

    • mikediver

      I lived in Charleston in the 70′s and early 90′s. Yes the girls were super hot, and bangable if you had a little money (status whores not real whores). However, their attitudes were totally mercinary. I know I married one and then got gutted in the divorce. Total bitch to the point that 20 years after the divorce one of my relatives asked what my first wife’s name was and all I could think of was, “THE BITCH”.

  • knuckledragger

    Don’t pine too hard for the 90′s, brother-man. I graduated high skool in 1990 and was front and center for the whole sordid disaster of it. Its true, broads hadn’t quite figured out that they could just sit on their ass and bitch and whine and get into whatever school/ job/ scene they wanted but it was a fuck-load worse off.

    …’gather ’round, I break it down…

    First, this whole feminist-bullshit-thing was just taking hold and men being told that they had to treat women like ladies while treating them like equals didn;t recognize that for the horse-cock it was and women in general still hadn;t fully bought into this fem-bot bullshit, so everyone just stood around like 1 o’clock half-struck….fucking retarded.

    There were jean jackets, wine coolers, shitty beer,and even shittier music. Bitches wore stupid-ass plain-jane undies (victoria’s secret wasn’t invented yet), never got their boxes waxed, or really even trimmed for that matter, and never got in the gym unless it involved leg warmers. That shit was weak.

    Compared to now, yeah men have a shit deal with all this PC bidness, but like a chihuahua pretending to be a guard dog, that joke’s fucking stale and everyone is just playing along.

    And the sweetest part for us? We get to bat cleanup on all these dumb twats that are working so hard to keep the feminist pipe-dream alive that they’ll take it up the ass on live TV to show how free-spirited they are and buy me dinner afterwards to show me that they can purchase like a man….filet bitch, do it.

    So now, instead of the 1990′s model 3-bedroom mortgage, 2 tax deductions, and one blown-out vagina on life support, I’m busy populating the high school class of 2030 with bastard clones of myself in any city I spend more than an hour in.
    So hip-fucking-hurray, cunts got their feminist paradise, we got women with brazilian waxes, tight asses, and no more sense than a rocking horse.

    Fuck the 90′s, I’ll play it as it lies.

    • Lugo

      never got their boxes waxed, or really even trimmed for that matter,

      Blasting into an untrimmed box… what a HARDSHIP… how did men eeeeever manage to do that?

      • knuckledragger

        Well the legal system was a lot more lax back then. If a guy felt frustrated, he could pop a smart ass in the mouth and not risk a lengthy prison sentence….

    • Dr. Zoidberg

      Agreed. Fuck the 90′s. First of all AIDS was still big and scary. New wave feminism hit big. Being in a band no longer meant insta-pusssy, The alpha male rockstar of the decade was fucking Kurt Cobain – who wore a dress, married that skag Courtney Love and would likely cry about feelings with groupies than fuck them with a mud shark. Riot grrrrls were running rampant and the feminism was strictly man-hating butchies. At least now the feminists are starting to pull back on the man-hate and realize that being a girly girl is a good thing.

      Let’s not forget that the fashion was atrocious. Insane clothing that did not complement the female form at all. I’ll take what we have now.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1448949975 Mark Minter

    Take the premise from that movie Idiocracy where stupid people had children earlier and more often, and smart people didn’t, then carry that across a few generations, and the number of stupid people would dramatically outnumber the smart.

    The same can be said of attractive vs unattractive.

    Take the idea of a pond. This pond sets at some natural equilibrium between the plants and animals that inhabit it. Change one of the parameters like the removal of a key predator or the introduction of a new source of nutrients, and some particular plant or animal will increase in reproduction due to removal of a constraint that had previously limited it before.

    This plant or animal will expand until it either reaches a new constraint or it chokes the system and causes die off.

    Wine making is exactly based on this principle. Yeast are introduced to water and then a sugar introduced. The yeast consume the sugar and “urinate” alcohol. They exponentially reproduce until the level of alcohol produced by the yeast becomes toxic and the yeasts die off.

    Mate value of women, and thus financial support of men had been a function of youth and beauty. By removing the financial constraints of male support, the “yeasts” have been enabled to radically reproduce at levels that would not have occurred a few generations ago.

    Add into that, the tendency of the attractive and the smart, not to reproduce, and in 40 years you have witnessed a dramatic shift in the makeup of the American population.

    You can attribute some to lifestyle, food, lack of physical work, sedentary lifestyles, but there are those, like myself, that are genetically resistant to weight gain under these conditions, and those that are not. The women that are resistant and naturally thinner, have chosen to maximize social and sexual power by abstaining from pregnancy completely or until later in life. Those that are not, cash in early on even the modicum of sexual value they have in order to both, monetize the children with guaranteed support from the biological father or government support, and to achieve feminine actualization and female social status as mothers.

    The thing that is most surprising to me is how fast it could happen, how quickly a previously suppressed trait can predominate when the constraining factors are removed. If anyone has any issues about the idea of natural selection as an evolutionary mechanism, they should view the last 40 years as how quickly the physical and intellectual character of a group of people can change and then extrapolate that back over the ebbs and flows of fortune and circumstance for the past 70,000 years since Toba.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1448949975 Mark Minter

      It is has been that most people lack the appreciation for the exponential function because it is not intuitive.

      The rule is very simple. Divide the rate of growth of a thing into 70 and you compute the amount of time, given the rate, until a doubling occurs.

      If a population grows at 5 percent per year, then 70/5=14 years until a doubling occurs. Intuitively it would seem to have taken 20 years but the compounding effect of exponentiation making the doubling occur much quicker. Then contemplate a doubling of a doubling.

      And also hold another part of the population constant or actually reducing. And the reducing component actually is reduced exponentially also. Meaning a component that is reducing at 10% per year will be half of its original size in 14 years.

      Then you can see how the expansive component can quickly predominate.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1448949975 Mark Minter

        Sorry, I miscalculated that last expression, a 10% per reduction would be half its original size in 7 years. I really had meant to use a reduction of 5% to compare to the expansive component meaning half its original size in 14 years.

        So for a numerical example. Assume 1 million fatties and 1 million skinnies. In 14 years growth of 5% per year in fattires and a reduction of 5% in skinnies would leave 2 million fatties and 500,000 skinnies.

        What had been 50-50 is now 4 to 1.

        In 14 years.

  • Brandon C. Francis

    I was born in 1990(sadly). I wish i was an adult back then, when girls were less fat, more bangable and didn’t hate men as much. My generation of girls suck so hard. Women today are a fucking joke.

  • Red Pill

    1980′s rocked. No doubt about it.

    • Mikael Ryan

      2 era’s I’m pissed the most about missing, the 60′s and the 80′s.

    • Benkei

      Two words sum up the 80′s..April Wayne. There were lots of girls like her at my alma mater back then and life on campus was all game all the time. Young men of today have no idea of the world they missed out on. http://www.allstarpics.net/0289038/018540485/april-wayne-pic.html

  • TB at BlueCollarWorkman.com

    Aw, c’mon man, we still got Real World and Jersey Shore and Kardashian boobies and half dressed hot chicks in movies … sure, there are more fatties on screen than before, but there are still more hotties I think.

  • Multe

    Why don’t you compare “Mike and Molley” with Roxanne?

  • MR Z

    Got to Brazil, Argentina, Philippines, or Columbia.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOjvPOBvd9A&list=LLj0WVoZ0Zc4E8flNRZRzncg

  • http://www.facebook.com/mike.sergent.3 Mike Sergent

    I feel the same way! I wondered if any other guys noticed this! I remember drooling ove Lynda Carter, Erin Grey and other SEXY women of my 80s-90s youth. Today American women are either too fat, too skinny, covered with tattoos or piercings, psychopaths or just plain EVIL! Even clothes marketed towards women are UN-sexy! What haopened to the days of hi-cut style bikinis and women that wore pantyhose? Today’s woman makes it EASY to remain single!

  • PJones

    Like some others here, I also graduated high school in the 90s. It’s true that there were no where near as many fatties back then. But it’s also true that the high end in America has gotten much better since then. Women who give a fuck about their looks these days just have much more information to go on – in terms of diets, workouts, clothes, make up, style etc.

    But the woman who doesn’t care and lets herself go is now way worse than back in the 90s. There used to be like a handful of fatties who were college aged…and they generally had like a genetic or health problem. That’s how it is in most countries today – but not here! A walk around any college campus nowadays and you see more fatties than sea lion mating season on a California beach.

    So in short it’s a great time to be Alpha and score hot chicks…horrible time to be anything else, in America at least.

  • jackeyb

    This is pure romanticism by 24 year old that is nostalgic for an era that ended up producing modern day feminism. May learn more about the era if he watched movies like Working Girl. The eras of women dressing like lumberjacks with UFO hair. I would dare to say 70′s women were hotter than the 80′s or 90′s. Nice hair, better dress, very thin and still hadn’t adopted the women are better than men myth. 80′s was a disaster for women as far as dress goes. Wearing big shoulder pads, boxy suits, men styled clothing to resemble men, it was the era of the corporate woman. Women aimed to be like men. Actually see more feminine women now. The main down fall of the women now, the weight issue and believing they deserve a perfect man. In the 80′s & 90′s women believed they deserved the perfect career and dressed the part.

    • ScorpioMan

      Agreed. Women in the 1970′s (girls for me, back then) were hotter and more feminine with little division between males and females in every day reality. With the coming of the 80′s, women began to cut their hair short, work out at the gym [acquiring muscles in the process], and prepare for the work place. In other words, they began to physically ‘de-feminize’ themselves, and beginning to ‘masculinize’ their bodies, while beginning to acquire feminist traits in terms of ideology (see the movie ‘Alien’ again and you’ll see what I mean. Then see the uncensored 1970′s movie ‘Carrie’ [the shower scene at the beginning] to see what girls looked like naturally before feminism.).

  • http://ruxman.com/ Ruxman

    Who cares, there’s still attractive girls out there, find them or find a way to bang them, isn’t that why this site is here.. Besides this century is the one where the human race either makes it or fucking breaks it. That is a lot more interesting and immediate than bikini babes.

  • Dalek

    If you really want your mind blown, watch 70′s movies, the women were even better, then 60′s movies, more improvement. Basically it’s been a downtrend for the last 100 years.

  • adiaforon

    Funny that he mentions “Hardbodies” as this was one movie that consistently gave me a boner whenever I watched it (secretly on VHS, while my parents were out of the house). The scene where the fat guy is taking pics of all the girls topless is a fond, fond memory. :)

    I also agree with the 70s girls being better-looking than 80s girls, and beyond. “Playboy” magazines from that time were always my guide. I preferred jacking off to the 70s girls because they had that long-gone combination of great bodies, unshaved pubes (which, IMO, is more natural and erotic), seductive poses, authentic smiles, and little, if any, airbrushing. Non-”Playboy” girls, too, were thinner and better-dressed. Hell, in previous decades, there was still more pressure to look your best when you were out and about in public — as in wearing suits or nice dress clothes.

  • nocturne

    The women turned more masculine in attitude and the men became more feminine in attitude. The results of decades of feminist conditioning. Stop whinning about it like some female being all over dramatic. Man the f up and find a girl who is on the same level. All of them aren’t ugly or sults. The problem is the slutty ones didn’t want you.

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