You are on the subway, walking down the platform, when you see a cute girl overloaded with shopping bags, full of Christmas presents. She is wrapped up warmly in a scarf and a long coat, but you can discern that beneath her seasonal garb here is a shapely, pulchritudinous young woman that you would like to get to know better.
As you walk past, you look at her and she looks back and smiles. You smile too, feeling a fuzzy, warm (and irrational) sense of validation. For a split second you consider speaking – saying “hi,” anything. Then in that split second you decide not to. After all, it’s busy here, there are a lot of people around and it might be embarrassing. And your ego has already been boosted by the fact that she’s smiled anyway – perhaps that’s sufficient. And also, you live near here – perhaps you’ll see her again another time when it’s less crowded, or you’re in less of a hurry, or you’re wearing better clothes, or you’ve had a shave, and you can talk to her then.
The truth of the matter, though, is this. If you live in a city of any size at all, then the chances of you ever seeing a random stranger again are negligible. Face it, if you walk by now without taking a shot, the likelihood is that you will never, ever see that same girl again.
Rollo of The Rational Male, has talked frequently about a concept he calls “buffers” – that is, those barriers, mental or otherwise, that men erect in order to protect themselves from female rejection. An example might be remaining in the friendzone with a girl for a prolonged period of time. While the guy probably has an inkling that this situation is not good for him, a perverse benefit is that he is not compelled to seek out and approach special women as he is already tied (in his mind) to his special snowflake.
Another buffer is the concept of “leagues” – by believing that a woman is out of one’s league, a man is effectively insulating himself from the imperative to approach. These are both rationalizations, ways to let oneself off the hook from the scary task of actually manning up and speaking to a girl (and how pathetic does that sound when written down?).
The irrational idea that you might see this random girl another time is another such buffer. So, too, is that small sense of accomplishment you feel when you get an IOI (indicator of interest) from a cute girl. “She smiled at me,” you think. “My attractiveness as a man has been validated. That’s enough for today.” Except it’s not enough – not if you have any ambition to be a player.
Instead, you must follow up on each IOI and push through to failure. The reason most guys won’t approach the girl who smiles at them and ask for her number is that they want to protect themselves from rejection and retain the good feelings they are already experiencing. But those good feelings in themselves mean nothing if your goal is to get laid.
When a girl smiled at me on the subway the other night, I very nearly let the opportunity go. The usual excuses came up – I was tired, needed to get home, was carrying grocery bags and so on. But I steeled myself and approached her anyway. We had a nice little flirtatious conversation and she gave me her number. By following through on an IOI, there’s a good chance you’ll get a result, but even if you don’t, you haven’t really lost anything – only the illusion that something could have happened, which in reality is worthless.
That is why you need to act now, and see each opportunity that presents itself through to its logical conclusion. So next time a girl shows she’s interested in you, walk up and start chatting to her. You really have nothing to lose.
Happy hunting – and happy holidays to all ROK readers!
If you want to learn how to meet more beautiful girls this Christmas, click here