You had an amazing time with a girl. The two of you hit it off, exchanged some banter and laughs, connected with each other, and she gave you her phone number. You planned to meet up some time in the next week or two.
You feel refreshed and exhilarated, confident that you’ll see her again soon.
You text her a few days later and ask, “Hey, how’s it going?”
But she doesn’t respond. Or, if she does respond, it’s not the response you hoped for. You ask yourself, “What happened to the fun, receptive girl from the other night who was excited about going out with me?”
There’s a reason why this happens…and it’s the same reason why most guys fail when they text girls. You forget why you get her number in the first place. You get her number because you want to go on date and potentially move things further—NOT because you want to stay up all night texting her or asking how her day is going. And most of all, NOT to get validation from her.
Keep this clearly in mind: your #1 goal when texting girls is to set up the date. Every text message should get you closer to that goal.
So, how do you do this the right way? Well, it all starts from the first text message. And, as a side note, you should ALWAYS text her the next day. The first text should jog her memory of who you are, and induce some of the emotions of your interaction. This reminds her of why she gave you her number in the first place.
Here’s an example from a text exchange that led to a date, starting from the first message:
Me: Almost had a nervous breakdown today. Overwhelmed with self-consciousness over my abundance of plaid shirts.
Her: I literally just laughed out loud at my work.
Me: I can’t be held responsible for your valley girl laughing antics.
Her: Hahaha stop! I’m laughing, it’s inappropriate. What are u up to?
For some context, I met this girl the night before. During our interaction, she teased me about my plaid button-down shirt and I teased her about sounding like a valley girl. So, I made a few funny statements based on those topics. She responded well.
You can craft a text like this easily, too. Just think of something from your conversation, or the environment, and make a slightly sarcastic statement about it. This kind of text is much better than the generic, boring texts that guys usually send.
Once you send the first few texts and get the conversation going, it’s time to push for the meet up. Now, there’s two different ways you can do this—it will depend on how responsive the girl is to your previous texts.
If she’s responsive and the text conversation flows, she’s already interested in hanging out with you. You can be more casual with this text, but still lead and set the logistics. The key is to suggest a plan, and give her two different time options. For example:
Let’s grab a drink this week. There’s a bar on Comm Ave with $4 margarita specials. What works better for you, Tuesday or Thursday night?
This is a little trick I learned from my days as a door-to-door salesman, The time option shifts her thinking. Instead of a “Yes, I want to hang with this guy,” or a, “No, I don’t want to see him,” she’s thinking about which time works best. This text signals that you assume the date is happening. If one of the time options doesn’t work, she’ll usually suggest a time herself.
But if she’s a little cold to your texts, then you need to push the envelope a bit. Whenever you are about to give up on a girl, and basically think there’s no chance she’s going to talk to or hang out with you, you have to lay it all on the line.
How do you do that? Well, the text I’m about to give you has gotten my friends and I more dates than I can count. But, I recommend only using it if it’s congruent with how you really feel about the girl. Here it is:
Hey girl. I’m going to cut the BS. You’re one of the sexiest girls I’ve met in [City Name] and we should get together soon and either get a drink, or rob a bank. Whatever you’re in the mood for.
The point is, don’t ever leave anything on the table. That rule can apply with really everything in life, but especially with girls. This way you’ll never regret not taking that extra chance.
Another side note: I recommend grabbing drinks with a girl on the first date. Why? The bar is a social environment and it’s low pressure. Unlike dinner, where you’re forced to commit to a 1-2 hour ordeal with a person you know nothing about yet, drinks are much more casual. If you hate each other, you can leave after the first drink—no harm, no foul.
The other benefit? It’s easy to bounce around. You can grab a drink at one bar, then hop to the next. It’s more of an adventure.
To quickly sum up how to set up a good date through texting, use these four rules as a guideline:
1. Start with a short, funny statement that jogs her memory of you and your initial interaction.
2. Be playful and self-amused. Ask yourself, “Is this text getting me closer to a date, or adding value to her day?” If not, don’t send it.
3. When setting up the date, give her two time options so she shifts her thinking from “yes” or “no,” to “when.”
4. Get drinks on the first date. It’s simple, requires little investment, and allows for an adventurous night.
Read More: Women Are To Blame For Aggressive Texting