I was at my tango class one evening, a hobby I’ve recently started. The only other person was a new girl—we’ll call her Therese. Therese claimed that she had recently moved to the area and was taking a year off of school before starting college. You could tell she was a virgin just by looking at her. Modestly dressed and drenching in timidity. She was cute in that library nerd kind of way, as though she had been ignored all through high school.
LASIK surgery could produce a romcom scenario where she’s a different person as soon as she takes off her glasses. The kind of girl that the most ruthless Casanova would feel guilty to fornicate with. This is the part of the country that occasionally still produces this kind of girl, despite the high teen pregnancy rate. And even though Therese had no work or education accomplishments to speak of, her fragility triggered a primal instinct in me, and I found myself very attracted.
If we taught every person to tango, feminism would end in a generation
I am not a physically large person in any definition of the word, but I know how to command a physical presence when dancing. For her part, Therese was so tiny that she would have tipped over had I yawned in her direction. When we began the dance, I held her with a firm but gentle weight, non-verbally letting her know that I was in complete control. She could not have stepped away if she wanted to.
This is the nature of the tango. The man controls everything without saying a word, and the woman is to naturally follow his cues hardly thinking about it. And in the woman doing exactly as the man communicates and nothing more, the two become one. You can feel a major difference between ballroom dancing with a feminist and ballroom dancing with a shy girl, even if the feminist doesn’t reflexively back-lead her own turns (which she will).
The tango is such a dance of seduction that the instructor described it as “a stalking dance.” Likely Therese watches Dancing With The Stars like every other female in America and wanted to try it herself. Maybe she would meet her own olive-skinned man to make her Disney fantasies come true.
Learning tango and general ballroom dance is one of the best things you can do to improve your game. Other nights I had invited several of my male law school friends to take the class with me, and they all dismissed it by saying, “I don’t dance.” This is code for “I’m lazy, boring, and insecure. I assume I will eventually have the love of a woman by virtue of merely wanting it.” I myself have no rhythm or coordination, but I don’t allow myself to make excuses when it comes to increasing my sexual marketplace value.
A brief lesson in game
Spend $30 on two or three tango classes. Buy a cheap Willem Haenraets painting of the tango. Mine was $20 from Burlington Coat Factory, and it looks like a real painting instead of a print. Invite a girl over for dinner (since women like a man who can do everything they can do better). While it’s cooking, make sure she notices the painting. Tell her, “The tango is such a beautiful dance. Do you know how?… Oh, you don’t? Well then, let me teach you.” Then you’ve won, and you will have power over her like Charles Manson.
You can be terrible at the tango, and she won’t notice. Or if she does notice, she won’t care, because you’ve set yourself apart from every other man she will ever meet. All you need to know is the most basic moves. That first promenade or corte is when she’ll fall in love.
Ballroom dancing is one of the easiest and most efficient ways to make a date want to drop her panties. Add in basic rumba, waltz, swing, and cha-cha, and you can have the notch count of King Solomon. All women have a Disney princess fantasy about going to the ball. All women want to have sex on prom night. I say appease the women and give them what they want.
The tango is considered a harder dance to learn, so it is best to go to an instructor for a few weeks. There are plenty of videos online, but you do not get the benefit on an angry Russian woman berating you for your every move. The other four dances can easily be picked up online, especially since much of the posture and movement from tango is applied.
Still, there are definite differences, and a few classes at a studio go a long way for any of the dances. Plus, it helps to have someone to practice on. Class lessons are often inexpensive since the market is so small.
My other favorite is rumba, but waltz, swing, and cha-cha are good catch-all dances to know. Tango makes a woman feel seduced, rumba makes her feel sensual, and waltz makes her feel beautiful. Swing and cha-cha can be used for about any fast-paced music, and you’ll be the only one in the club who looks like he knows what he’s doing. With both of them, you can easily give a woman a 10-second crash course as the opportunity arises.
Ballroom music can be hard to find. However, they tend to be very inexpensive. iTunes has a series called Strictly Ballroom that is very traditional. Amazon has a compilation called Latin Lounge Café (Smooth and Relaxing Bossa Lounge) that is more informal, although it would be better suited for rumba or sex. Putumayo nearly always produces top notch work, but they will bleed your wallet for the quality.
Final thoughts: the loss of culture
One thing that I have been thinking about through all this is the loss of a formal culture. I have always said that you can tell more about a civilization by its entertainment than by what its social scientists say. The popularity of Dancing With The Stars among women says something about our culture.
Little girls love to play make-believe about going to the ball dressed as a pretty pretty princess, yet as adults we have no such thing beyond high school prom, which of course is all bad music and talentless dancing. Daddy’s Little Lady grows up to grind in the club instead of learning to waltz at the Hilton.
Why do we not have formal dances anymore? It is concerning that little girls and grown women fantasize about something simple that used to be common reality. Balls used to be a wonderful way to game women, so both sexes would have something to gain by it. Plus, they just look like fun. There are still many makeshift ballroom dancing groups in the country, but they are a terrible place to meet women under age 80. I suppose that women aren’t going to learn to dance by their own volition. They need men to initiate.
Oh, and the ending to the story with Therese? I got caught in a conversation with the instructor while she left, she never came back for another lesson, and I was unable to track her down on Facebook. But I thought it was a good picture to show how a man is to dance instead of merely explain, as well as to show a contrast between the modern woman and the parochial woman.
Note: The above refers only to the American tango. There is also an Argentine tango with very different music and dance steps. The rumba also has minor variants based on location, but make sure you learn the one that uses the box step. The garden-variety ballroom waltz is very standard, but there are wide variations across the world which you can incorporate. The swing you should learn first is East Coast, as this is the most common and is fairly simple.