Though the Islamic State is waging war in the Middle East and the Ebola crisis is raging in West Africa, it’s clear that the biggest threat to affluent white women in America is Street Harassment™. White women with money and good jobs have been subjected to countless low-status men saying things like “hi” or “have a nice day.”
Street Harassment™ is the most important issue of our time because anything that affects middle and upper class white women is a national concern. We at ROK want to put a stop this rampant violation of women’s rights. I’ve outlined a few simple DOs and DON’Ts (for both men and women) that will help to keep our streets safe for everyone.
DON’T be poor
Men, if you are going to speak to a white woman of means, it is critical that you not be poor or a minority. There is nothing that makes a white woman’s skin crawl more than being talked at by a man she feels is beneath her station. This is for several reasons: first – you are wasting her time (remember, you don’t have a chance with her, so you’re just an annoying distraction from her smartphone.) Second – being hollered at by low status men is an acute reminder of all of the HIGH STATUS men who ignore her.
What you see as a compliment is actually a painful reminder that she only gets attention from “losers.” This will stir a range of emotions in her: she begins to pulsate with bitterness and envy towards women who attract powerful men. She will hate you for bringing out this superficial side of her, because deep down she fancies herself the supreme arbiter of tolerance and social justice. Even though she make s 2 or 3 times your salary and enjoys a higher standard of living than you do, you are an oppressor because making a white woman feel even slight discomfort is unacceptable.
DO be rich
Men, if you would like to talk to white women on the street, simply be rich (and preferably white). If you are a construction worker, consider instead a career in finance. If you are currently unemployed, consider inheriting lots of money and investing in real estate. If actually becoming rich is too much effort, you can do things to project higher status like wearing a suit and an expensive watch. Or driving a sports car. Get creative: if you are a poor Hispanic restaurant worker, practice your Italian accent and pretend to be a famous Italian chef who’s in New York to open a new vegan cronut shop.
DON’T have a phat ass
Ladies, we all know that nothing grabs the attention of minority men (especially black men) as the sight of a well-apportioned, juicy booty. If you want to avoid stares or comments from these men, consider trying ways to flatten your posterior, or at least wear clothing that makes your butt look smaller.
DO stay in lower Manhattan
Ladies, if you would like to avoid being talked at by pesky minorities, we recommend that you not walk on streets outside of lower Manhattan (and perhaps the upper west side in a pinch). This may seem restricting, but when you think about it, lower Manhattan has everything you could possibly need: lattes, Apple stores, and bottomless brunch spots. By staying in lower Manhattan, you are also more likely to run into that investment banker you’ve been dreaming of.
DO be more attractive
Ladies, this may seem counter-intuitive at first (how would becoming more attractive prevent cat-calls?) Allow me to explain. We can all agree that the woman in “Hollaback” viral video is truly nothing to write home about in terms of her looks. Would she be catcalled in a city like Moscow that’s teeming with super-model quality women? Doubtful. She’d barely get a second glance.
So it stands to reason that if all American women collectively raise their level of attractiveness, fewer women will stand out and men will be able to take more of a relaxed attitude toward female beauty. When you have a sea of unattractive, unfeminine, undesirable women this creates extreme thirst in men and even a slightly-above-average girl is bound to get inordinate attention.
If all women suddenly made themselves more attractive by doing things like losing weight, avoiding trashy tattoos, being more feminine, and putting a little effort into their appearance, male thirst would go down. So ladies, do your part. Remember: we are all in this together.