In all of your interactions with the female variety of homo sapiens, one thing you must always keep in mind is maintaining your frame. It cannot be jostled, impinged, detracted from, or otherwise monkeyed with if you expect success in your life. The following is an example of how seemingly innocuous circumstances can lead to losing one’s frame, and the undesirable results that you can expect to follow.
Cracks in the facade
Earlier this year, I found myself in a unique position in my adult life; I was helping a girl. Not in the way you help a girl move some large items because you possess a truck and a penis, and a six pack or access to her vagina was implicit in the arrangement. No, I was unwittingly taken in, a moment of lost frame spiraling down into a bitter lesson re-learned.
In my line of work, one is frequently called upon to help certain people. In this case, a girl from a competing business had jumped ship and came to ours in search of career advancement. This was not wholly unexpected, since not only had the aforementioned business lost several people to us, but also because my coworkers and I (almost exclusively male) had fostered an environment of teamwork, camaraderie, quality, and respect that was resulting in prominent, easily identifiable success.
In short, we were winning and she wanted to be on the winning team. I was asked to help her along when she first showed up, which I was happy to do because 1) I enjoy that aspect of my job, and 2) she seemed genuinely grateful for the quality instruction I provided and how much better it was than what she had experienced before. The fact that she was a girl was, at first, a non-issue. This was the first of my mistakes.
About two weeks progressed like this and we were becoming, if not friends, at least teammates in a coach-mentor relationship. One Wednesday afternoon while I was enjoying my mid-day break, she called. At first, all I could understand were sobs. It wouldn’t be a far stretch to say she was hysterical, so immediately I went into protective older brother mode. Mistake #2.
After I calmed her down, she explained that she’d been kicked out of the house she’d be living in. That situation could totally warrant someone being distraught, but given that a lot of her personal property was still in the house she’d been evicted from and she wasn’t the best at problem solving, she was in total freak-out mode. I welcomed her into my home so she could get cleaned up and we then went back to pick up the rest of her belongings, which then went into my storage (once again, having a truck and a penis comes back to haunt me).
I offered several solutions for her living arrangements, and she settled on couch surfing with friends until she was back on her feet…but then she also ended up crashing on my couch. Mistake #3.
One might ask how I could let this happen. A reasonable question, since I definitely knew better. But in my defense, I let my considerate nature and sense of duty to others get the better of me. Strangely, this might be the result of my military training.
Before I turned to my current profession, I had spent my entire adult life in uniform. Being a naval officer has been a big part of my identity since just after my 18th birthday. I did 5 deployments in 6 1/2 years, put off grad school, my family, marriage, and children because I believed focusing on my personal development as a leader was more important. I have noticed one commonality between myself and my peers is that when we see a wrong, we want to right it. If we cannot, we do the best we can for those in the circumstance. When we see someone who needs help, especially someone we are responsible for, we want to help them and will go to great lengths to do so.
This old instinct is what led me to lose my frame when dealing with this particular girl. I knew better than to do anything white knight-ish, but I saw a damsel in distress and my inculcation as a military leader kicked in, and there I was with my Captain Save-a-Ho cape flapping in the breeze. It’s pretty elementary what happens from there: Expending time and effort to help someone who should be a fucking grown-up, punctuated by enthusiastic sex. Mistake #4. I played it straight, cleaned out most of my harem, was not dishonest with her, provided shelter, food, and companionship. And then got friendzoned.
I honestly could not remember the last time this had happened to me as an adult. I was beside myself, incredulous. I thoroughly examined the circumstances and realized that I’d fucked up, fair and square. Instead of maintaining my frame as an alpha, I took on the role of orgasm-giver AND beta provider. I couldn’t even be mad at her, since I’ve known the fickle nature of women for so long, yet still let myself fall into this trap. Needless to say, after I shook off the few weeks I’d wasted I saw the extent to which a seemingly capable, worthwhile human being could let their hamster run wild.
Once it became abundantly clear that AWALT, including in this case, I stopped talking to her. We were still in the same space on an almost daily basis and in the same social circle, but I did not communicate with her in any way and barely acknowledged her presence. But I could still observe her, and all the old truths were there.
Do not listen to what a woman says, watch what she does. She’d said she didn’t want to fuck me anymore because she didn’t want to be intimate with someone she worked with who was a coach-type figure. A few months later, I saw her making out with one of my coworkers off the side of the parking lot. I think she may be crashing at his place now. This caused no butthurt with me, since I’m pretty sure he and I were already Eskimo Brothers, but the embarrassment she exuded after that was priceless.
She had also mentioned somewhere along the way that she’d been molested as a child by a family member. This was another red flag I chose to ignore, and she’s since displayed the classic signs of attention-whoring, it leads me to believe that she was full of shit. Without listing all of the red pill truths that were on prominent display after that, I will say that herc oup-de-grace was ruining one of the most feminine qualities she had by shaving the side of her head.
Frame = Success
I provide the above anecdote not in vain self-flagellation, but as a cautionary tale to players old and new. I let circumstances rattle my frame for just a moment, and paid the expected price. Luckily I’m a man: I’ve since replaced my harem with a whole new stable of fillies, and I’m content in my knowledge that this is one lesson I won’t have to re-learn. If there’s one truth that a man can’t forget, it’s to ALWAYS maintain your frame. If you do, you can expect success with women, and in life.