I recently went to a nightclub where I spent much of the evening interacting with women, having fun and hoping to find a hook-up. Nothing particularly unusual there, you might say. After all, not only am I a game writer, but men hitting on women is hardly anything new.
Not, apparently, as far as the female friends of a couple of the girls I approached were concerned, though. On more than one occasion I experienced unpleasant and rude cockblocking from mother-hens. This led me to contemplate anew something that has been on my mind for a while – that cockblocking is on the rise in Western society. The practice is a direct attempt by the female imperative to limit and control men’s agency and expression of their natural masculine desire through shaming. It is the duty of men to speak out against this. That night I confronted a cockblock. Here’s what happened.
I was at a Halloween party at a club where – well, let’s just say it’s the kind of place where people dress up, become uninhibited through various means, and where security turns a blind eye to any naughtiness that ensues. It’s well-known as a highly sexual place, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone there that guys are going to approach girls.
I walked up to a slinky young cutie wearing black angel wings chatting with a group of friends. I said hi. She turned to me and smiled. I reached out and briefly touched her on the arm. I did this because one of the tenets of game that has worked consistently well for me over the years is to physically interact with girls as early as possible. But here’s the thing – no pick-up technique works 100% of the time. You’ll always get that one girl with whom your killer line falls flat, who doesn’t get your sense of humour or your cool dress sense. In this case, the girl shook her head lightly and moved her arm away.
No big deal. Note that she didn’t tell me to fuck off, or indicate that my presence was unwelcome. She simply made it clear that she wasn’t comfortable with me getting physical with her – yet. That was her prerogative, and absolutely fine by me. I would never do anything against a girl’s will, or advocate doing so, but being cheeky, assumptive and persistent is all part of the game.
Had I continued talking to her, then perhaps she would have become comfortable enough with me to allow things to escalate – this has certainly been my experience many times in the past. Or maybe not. In that case I would have said goodnight and walked off. Either way: no big deal.
It’s called socializing.
Unfortunately, things weren’t allowed to continue on their natural course. I heard someone calling me, and looked up to see one of the girl’s friends superciliously waving me away.
‘”What’s her problem? Is she in a bad mood?” I asked Angel Wings, who smiled and shrugged.
Annoyed at what I regarded at an unnecessary intervention, I approached the cockblock.
“What’s up?” I said, smiling.
“She told you to go away. Go.”
“She didn’t, actually. You should be more polite to people.”
“So should you.”
“This is a nightclub. People socialize here – it’s normal. You need to think about how you speak to people you don’t know.”
The girl, a shorthaired mediocrity of boyish figure and awkward height, looked surprised but defiant. In her estimation, right was on her side. After all, she was defending a defenseless girl from an unknown male interlocutor. Is there a less assailable position to be in? The whole of western culture had her back.
“You need to think about how you treat girls,” she said.
“I was talking to her. There’s nothing wrong with that. You need to be less rude.”
She laughed nervously.
“And you need to stop going around groping girls.”
Now I know I had her. She knew it too. To “grope” is defined by my dictionary as “to fondle someone for sexual pleasure.” “Fondle” is defined as “to stroke or caress lovingly or erotically.” I had touched the girl fleetingly on the forearm. The gesture was not sexual, nor could it have been construed as such by any sane onlooker.
“I didn’t grope her. You need to stop lying, think about how you speak to people in public and be less rude,” I said. Then I walked away.
OK, I lost my chance with Angel Wings, and my retorts were hardly earth-shattering, but I couldn’t help feeling a sense of satisfaction. If a girl is being seriously harassed by a man, then I have no problem with her friends stepping in to help. But I was sober, and talking to Angel Wings in a normal, fun way. The cockblock simply stepped in too quickly, and was rude and obnoxious. When I politely pointed out to her that she had overstepped the mark, she lied in order to strengthen her position.
Often, when considering male-female interactions, it is useful to imagine what would have happened had the man in question been a celebrity. Would Ryan Gosling get cockblocked in a club? Unlikely. The best way to deal with cockblocking is to prevent it happening in the first place. As a general rule, the more high value you appear on your approach, the less likely you are to face it.
The situation with Angel Wings happened early in the night while I was warming up — most likely I wasn’t in top form yet. When I’m having a great night, I hardly ever get blocked. That said, rejection is part of the game. Most non-psychopathic men know and accept this. If anything, men are too timid when they approach women, too apologetic. Bitchy girls “protecting” their friends are surplus to requirements: in the vast majority of cases the man will run away despondently at the first sign of disinterest from his target.
Of course, it depends on what your objectives are, and the particulars of a given situation, but I would encourage you to speak up when you are treated rudely by women in public. To be clear, I’m not advocating butthurt ranting. Be polite, but firm, and explain why she is in the wrong. Shame her for her social impropriety – rudeness and obnoxiousness – rather than allowing her to shame you for what she (wrongly) perceives as yours.
With society backing them up, and little fear of reprisals, some girls think they can get away with absurd degrees of unpleasantness in public. If they are not called out on this then the problem will only get worse. A word of warning, though – as the incident described here shows, the woman you stand up to may not be above falsifying her version of events if you upset her. If she does so, then rest assured that there will be plenty of white knights around to help her out, and some of them may be wearing security badges.
To find out how to avoid cockblocks and attract beautiful women click here.