Wisdom, unfortunately, is a lot like technology. You may have the pieces and necessary components to allow for a great technological achievement, but you don’t know where they are, nor how to assemble them. You must postpone that achievement until you do. Just as we had the technology to land on the moon circa 1958, it was figuring out how to avail ourselves of said existing technology to do so, and wisdom is no different. You may have the facts and knowledge readily available, but that doesn’t mean you’ll piece it together and have an epiphany that will help you in life until much later. There is one such piece of wisdom I finally assembled a couple weeks ago, the elements of which have been available to me for the past 20 years. So save yourself 20 years of mental strife and please pay attention.
In 99.9% of cases the relationship of a man who is chasing after a girl can be described as one of cajoling, trickery, negotiation, and strategy. In other words, you can’t just go up to a girl, ask her out, and then BOOM! She says yes and three days later you’re banging at her apartment when her roommate is gone. In nearly 100% of the instances the girl does not want to go out with you and needs to be convinced, or even fooled, into doing so. This requires a fair amount of game and strategy, the topic of which has consumed a disproportionate amount of discussion on sites and forums such as ROK.
However, even after you “get” said girl, the game and strategics are not over. You constantly have to study and maneuver based on your girlfriend’s behavior. You constantly have to be assessing your wife’s behavior and employing the corresponding strategy. In short it’s a never ending psy-ops battle that is constantly evolving and requires a fair amount of experience, commitment to waging it, and always viewing your partner as the “adversary” or at least “unwilling participant.”
But what if the girl actually, genuinely likes you?
On the face of it the question seems hilarious. Girls just don’t throw themselves at you. You can’t get most girls to go home with you on the first night unless they’re drunk or you run some incredibly charismatic game. And what girl ever liked you so much that you didn’t have to run game? You might as well be talking about unicorns.
But they do exist and, sadly, if you don’t identify them, they’re likely to be the cause of the most amount of regret, pain, and guilt in your life.
First, understand that, though incredibly rare, there are girls who will genuinely like you. They don’t require game. They don’t think themselves higher value than you. They don’t need convincing. There’s something about you that you did or said or believed in that went straight to their little heart and compelled them to like you. And I’m even holding back when I use the word “like” because if you hang out with them just a little bit it quickly turns into love. And that is precisely what happens—girl sees you, finds something about you compelling, falls in love, and now puts you in a very high position in her life.
Second, because 100% of all the other girls required teeth pulling to get them to go out with you, your brain never entertains the possibility a girl might actually like you for you. Therefore, if you run into one that does, you don’t think “she likes you,” you think she’s just “easy” or you ran some “amazing game.” That deep down inside this one girl really doesn’t have the capacity to love you, you just got lucky. Sadly, think about what that means and implies. In nearly every man’s mind (including my own until recently) you NEVER BELIEVED INTUITIVELY THAT IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR A GIRL TO ACTUALLY LIKE YOU.
It was always a game.
It was always a chore.
You had to be tricking her into going out with you. You were always fooling her into sleeping with you.
In short, girls don’t really like men.
And while this may be the case in 99.9% of women, it’s that rare .1% that actually likes you, cares about you, even loves you that your brain is pre-programmed to overlook and dismiss. And now you see the potential for risk, harm, regret, and guilt. In inaccurately diagnosing a girl’s interest in you, you run two major risks.
The first one is that you will lose the true love of your life or the “one that got away.” Yes you were a stupid young kid. Yes you were having a great time nailing other chicks running game. But as you get older and date more and more of these inane, pain in the asses posing as young women, that one girl who;
brought you lasagna while working the overnight shift
put together a surprise birthday party for you
showed up on time
would drop anything she was doing just to be with you
starts to show just how rare and precious she was. Yes there were many women who willingly showed up on dates. Yes there were women who might have done something nice for you. But I guarantee that you could count the number of girls on one hand who put you above themselves in life and would do anything for you, and were not part of the cajoling-required 99.9%.
The second major risk you run is hurting an innocent human being. I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life. But the one that keeps me up at night is the one girl’s life I utterly destroyed because I didn’t identify, let alone believe, she actually liked me that much. That she really wasn’t a human like me capable of emotion, care, compassion or love, but just a “silly stupid girl” that I was fooling real good. It’s one thing if you hit another person’s car or you accidentally run over a person’s cat, but when you hurt somebody, no matter how carelessly, who genuinely loves you there’s nothing you can do to undo that pain or make it better. And that is a specter that will haunt you for life.
Admittedly, ROK and this particular sphere is not one for forgiving women, feeling sorry for them, or having empathy for them. Nor is it about “looking for the one” or lamenting “the one that got away.” However, if there is a token bit of wisdom I can pass on to help younger men enjoy a better life than I did, it would be to NOT let the 99.9% of standard American and western floozies brainwash you so much that you are blinded to the precious and few 0.1% that would make your lives better.
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