We were unhappy. Perhaps we were virgins, or we had enjoyed little in the way of sexual abundance. Perhaps we were in relationships but we weren’t satisfied—we wanted something more, something better, but we felt trapped. Or maybe we had met that “one special girl” and married her, only to have been devastated by a terrible divorce.
Perhaps we tried confiding in our male friends but found they didn’t really understand us, or only offered us clichés by way of consolation. Or maybe we asked our female friends for their take and were given advice that was less than useless.
In the end, inevitably, we turned to that great oracle of the twenty-first century, Google. We typed in a phrase that summed up, in a few words, our own personal psychic purgatory. Something like “How can I meet girls?” or “How can I get my girlfriend back?” We were presented with a plethora of options. Websites on pick-up, forums with long-standing members offering free advice about how to approach girls in the daytime and get their phone numbers.
We saw private Facebook groups where topics such as the best way to extract a girl from a nightclub for a one-night stand were discussed. Email lists where entrepreneurial seduction experts sent us weekly tips as well as offers to buy their advice products. Or perhaps we found the manosphere—a selection of websites dedicated to discussing game but also broader issues of gender relations, biomechanics, society, and politics.
At first we were amazed that such a world existed. That so many men of high intelligence dedicated so much time to an activity that should in theory be simple: meeting and becoming intimate with women. Perhaps, too, we experienced a certain initial feeling of ickiness when confronted with all of this material. After all, society told us that this should be easy. Surely no one but a loser and a reject would be require an ebook that explained something as simple as how to talk to a girl?
But we continued to read and absorb. Some of us went out and put what we had learned into practice. We received brutal blowouts, but we also found ourselves in amicable interactions with women, often for the first time in our lives. We sensed their attraction. We saw hope.
We Became Players
Soon we started collecting phone numbers and email addresses, then dates, then kisses, then blowjobs, and then lays. We were excited. Damn it if this stuff we had read on the internet wasn’t actually working! So we carried on—we carried on approaching. We carried on collecting phone numbers and converting one night stands when we could. We continued dating. We continued putting up with the bullshit and sorting the wheat from the chaff by pushing for fast sex with those girls most into us and discarding those who didn’t comply. We created soft harems. From having no girls, suddenly we had notch counts and were concerned with maintaining a level of quality in those we slept with. Suddenly we were in the game: we were players.
Now things started to get a little more complicated. Having satisfied the itch that got us here – having learned how to get girls more-or-less consistently, the problem of what to do next emerged. Should we continue on the Pump-and-Dump Merry-Go-Round (right next to the Cock Carousel at the 21st Century Hook-Up Theme Park) or should we find a girl we like and step off for a while? Bask in her adoration and enjoy the comforts of a relationship, albeit fleeting?
It is at this point that many men find themselves coming unstuck. Recently I read a post on the Roosh V Forum bemoaning the fact that at any point the community is largely filled with newbies. This is because those guys that come in and get good frequently end up getting into relationships early with their newfound skills. Something like this happened to me, although I’d been gaming for a couple of years before I got into an (ill-advised) LTR with a girl I met through a cold-approach at my gym.
Guys give up the game prematurely for several of reasons. First, pick-up is hard. Let’s not sugarcoat this. If men as experienced as Paul Janka and Krauser are averaging an 11% conversion rate from phone numbers, then it’s clear that meeting strangers in public spaces and having sex with them shortly afterwards is no walk in the park. Second, pick-up requires a high degree of emotional resilience that most guys simply do not have. It’s tough out there on the streets, in the bars. The pick-up artist is perpetually putting himself on the line, perpetually putting himself in situations where he will be judged harshly by sexual marketplace.
Frequently—in a majority of cases, even— the pickup artist will present himself and the market will take one look at him, turn its nose up and say ewww. Of course, there are resources out there to help men get good and limit this, but still, an ability to handle rejection is required. And third, if a man meets a girl who is hot, pleasant to be around and the sex is good, and he spends enough time with her, then sooner or later he will become attached, making it hard for him to walk.
You should not necessarily seek the deceptive warmth of a monogamous relationship, particularly if you have not had a great deal of experience with women beforehand. For a start, the likelihood is that won’t have the know-how required to handle your girlfriend for any length of time. Also, you probably haven’t had enough experience to really know what you want. And finally there are distinct downsides to relationships, many of which I discuss here.
Clarity of Intent
One of the most important characteristics of the successful long-term player is clarity of intent. By this I mean that you should make a decision about exactly what you want from the game, and act accordingly in every situation that arises. Yes, you need to decide. Ideally you should have done this before you got into it, but it is never too late to sit down and write down (yes, write down) how you want your life to look.
If, like many men in this section of the internet, you are disillusioned with women and the prospects for long-term partnerships with them, and you want to be a serial player or develop a harem, then you must ensure that your behaviours are in alignment with your ambition. What this means in practice is that you must develop ice-cold discipline in your dealings with women. Do not see any girl more than once a week. Do not act like a boyfriend to her, by taking her out for dinners or cuddling up on the sofa in front of the TV with her. Communicate through your words and actions that this is strictly a sexual arrangement. Allow her to sense that you have other options. Be absolutely firm in setting out boundaries and don’t waver, even if you like her.
Frequently, a girl who is keen on you will soon throw in a subtle (or not so subtle) ultimatum, implying that if you two don’t get serious then she will walk. I’ll be very clear on this point: however sexy she is, however good the sex is, however much you secretly like her and find yourself at the mercy of beta fantasies involving roaring log fires and walks on the beach, you must resist. Remember: clarity of intent. Do not, under any circumstances, allow her to manipulate you. Once you fall into a regular relationship, you will find it increasingly difficult to get out, your confidence will falter, your game will get rusty and you will end up rationalising that you are better off with her, that maybe she is “the one’”after all.
If you want to be a player, then play, don’t stay. Remember: you must always be prepared to let a woman walk if she can’t accept your terms. Your design for your life has to be more important to you than what she wants. Of course, if you meet a women with whom you genuinely want to form a relationship, then that’s fine too. Just make sure you’re doing it from a position of strength rather than weakness, know what you’re giving up, be aware of the risks and make sure it’s on your own terms.
In this life, no one really cares about your happiness except you—remember that, decide what you want, act in a way that will bring it about, and then protect it with everything you’ve got. There really is no other way.
Want to learn more about what it takes to attract top-quality women? Then click here