[Editor’s Note: This is not medical advice, but rather the experience of the author. See a health professional if you want to supplement with testosterone.]

The female birth control pill has been around for over 50 years and yet, to date, there’s still no “male equivalent” available in the market. Is this such a significant problem that researchers cannot work around the intricacies of the male body to produce a similar result in men as in women? The simple answer is “No,” male hormonal birth control is not difficult at all, and it’s also not all that different from female birth control pills. Estrogen is the primary female hormone—if you take pills laced with estrogen, suddenly you become infertile.

Testosterone is the primary male hormone, and, yes, if you take testosterone, just like women taking their primary hormone, you will also become infertile.  This knowledge is not widely public mostly, of course, because testosterone is “bad” and estrogen is “good”; however, I’m going to do my best in this article to explain the mechanics of how to use testosterone as male birth control.

First, some sources for those of your who are skeptical of what I’m telling you:

http://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/news/20090506/testosterone-tested-as-male-contraceptive

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/722423_5

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/05/090504094256.htm

Drug Protocol

On to the nuts and bolts; “OK, this is great, but how do I get testosterone without going to my local gym rat and injecting some shit from made in a Mexican bathtub?” Great question; and we’ll get to that. Before that though, for those of limited attention span, I’m going to lay out the protocol that I follow to suppress my fertility:

Monday and Thursday – .6ML of testosterone enanthate, 200mg/ml, injected IM in the glute

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday – .5mg Arimidex (start 2 weeks after your first shot, continue the entire time you’re on testosterone)

That gives me a total of 240mgs of testosterone a week and 1.5mgs of Arimidex. That’s all it takes, no crazy cycles, no list of 15 different drugs. Take those 2 drugs, wait about 3-5 weeks, and you’re very likely be sterile. But how do you make sure? Well, keep reading.

Obtaining Testosterone

Let’s move on to the next step, how do I get testosterone? Frankly, this is the hardest part of the entire protocol because, unless you have a really cool doctor, none of them are going to write you a script for test to control your fertility. Notice, of course, how they will happily hand out estrogen like tic-tacs, but we all know the reason for that; can’t ride the carousel without some high potency drugs on board. The hypocrisy makes my head hurt, but, don’t let that discourage you. We just need to get more creative.

There are 2 primary ways to go about getting a script for testosterone. The easy but expensive way is to seek out a hormone replacement clinic. These places are mostly just “steroid doctor” front organizations. I’m not going to link any specifics, but Google for “trt Houston” (and replace Houston with your city, of course) and you should get a list of clinics. Call up a few of them and make sure they will treat younger patients that show a testosterone deficiency (some of them won’t) and talk to them about the prices for their program.  Tell them that you’re currently using another clinic but that you’d like to change, or that you just moved to the area and give them the name of a clinic in another area (far away).

Be sure to ask them about their costs; they are going to vary widely! Tell them you take 240mg/s of testosterone enanthate a week and ask them how much they charge per 10ML vial. Then do some price comparisons; a great price is 110/10ML, a terrible price is 300/10ML. You’re going to go through one vial every 8 weeks or so; it’s important to find a place that has the best prices. You should not pay a lot for the initial visit and bloodwork (200 dollars or so), since these places make their money on the drugs and not on the visits—you might never see the doctor again after the first visit.  Finally, ask them if they have a cutoff for treatment levels; what is the highest testosterone dose they typically prescribe and what level of free and total testosterone do you need to get “on the program.” Most of the clinics really don’t care what your levels come back at, they will write for you anyway; but some do, make sure you ask.

What do I do if I can only find a clinic that “cares” about my testosterone level (wants to see a testosterone deficiency)? Well, 2 options here.  The easiest is to tell them you’re already on TRT (testosterone replacement treatment), make up another clinic name and tell them you just moved to the location (they aren’t going to check).  Tell them you are currently taking 240mgs per week of testosterone enanthate (pronounced “e-nan-thate”), injecting .6MLs twice a week into your glutes.  If they ask, tell them you use a 1” 18-gauge needle to pull and a 1.5” 23-gauge needle to inject (don’t say SHOOT or PIN). Also tell them that you are using .5mgs (milligrams) of Arimidex (ahh-rim-a-dex) 3 times a week to control estrogen. Mention that you are almost out of your testosterone, which is why you’re looking for a new clinic, but that you still have plenty of Arimidex.

Memorize this until it’s like second nature. Make yourself believe that this is the truth and say it with authority. This is very important if you want to do this without having to manipulate your levels! If you don’t do this, or don’t do it convincingly, you’re going to have to go down a harder route that takes longer and will suck for a week or so. The idea here is to make the doctor believe you’re already on TRT so that you can give them a “normal” blood test back and still have them write for you. The 2nd option will be another article because it’s more complicated to show low-T results. Finally, make sure you tell your doctor that you took your last shot 4 days ago, and don’t get the blood work for a few days after he orders it. That way, when you come back normal or low (which most men over 30 are) the doc will think you have already used all the testosterone in your last shot.

So, now what happens? Well, the doctor will order blood work (will take a few days to come back) and you’ll get your script for testosterone. If you’re at a clinic, they will typically dispense it right there or have a captive pharmacy. They don’t take insurance of any type. If you’re at a regular doctor, they will just give you a script and you’ll go over to the drug store to pick it up.

This is MUCH HARDER at a regular doctor. Some won’t write test at all. Most won’t write in the level you need to get consistent birth control. Most want to put you on the cream first (which sucks for a multitude of reasons, tell them it makes you break out badly and that you’ve tried all the areas for application, or that you have small kids at home and are concerned about transfer). If this is your first venture, I recommend using a clinic. It costs more, but your “game” doesn’t have to be as perfect and you’re going to get higher doses. As you become more familiar with the terms and protocol, you can try to get your regular doc to write for you, which is great because it’s much cheaper.

Giving Yourself The First Shot

I’ve got my testosterone and I’m back home. But I’ve never given myself a shot before! How do I do it? Here’s a good place to start:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azF1FoepHuo  A few things to remember: It’s not hard. It doesn’t hurt that much. And you’re not going to hurt yourself that badly even if you royally fuck it up. You’ll get better at it through time and it will become totally second nature.

You’ll get needles from the test provider. They should give you one needle to “pull” (stick into the vial of testosterone and load) and one need to inject (remove the pulling needle and put on the injecting needle). Make sure you get all the air out of the needle, and make sure you use sterile techniques (get alcohol prep pads and swab your injection site and the top of the bottle every time). When you inject, you’ll feel exactly nothing. Test takes time to get into the system, so in a week or so you’ll start feeling the effects. However, just because you feel the effects does NOT mean that you’re sterile.

Ensuring Sterility

This is much easier that the above steps, and, you get to beat off, so it’s actually kind of fun. You’ll need a couple items for this, a microscope, slides and covers. I’d get these before you start TRT so you can see a before and after comparison. Set up your microscope. Have an orgasm. Take some semen (bonus point if it’s dribbling out of a girls mouth), place it on a slide (about a drop is all you need) and put a cover slip over it. Look at it through the microscope on the 2 middle powers (100X and 400X). This is what it should look like if you’re fertile:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ar1G98SPz0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Evc3I4eiX6k

Adjust the light coming through the scope until you can see the sperm moving. There should be so many you can’t count them all, they should be everywhere and the entire field of view should appear to “move.”

After you start TRT, continue taking samples and looking at them through the scope. You should, in 2-3 weeks, see the number start to drop significantly. But 4-5 weeks, you should see very few in view in the scope. Note that, if you look hard enough, you can almost always find 1-2 in there.  This isn’t cause for concern, a “few” sperm have no chance of fertilizing anything. You need a million per ML to have even the slightest chance at fertilizing someone, if you can find a “few” after looking over most of your sample, you’re fine.

Anti-estrogens

Last thing, where do I get Arimidex and why not just get it from my Doctor? The last question is easy—it’s very expensive to get Arimidex from a doctor. The first question is also easy. I won’t directly link it, but there are tons of sites out there that sell “research chemicals” which is basically just a loophole in the law that allows companies to sell unscheduled but prescription-only drugs (like Arimidex, and, incidentally, Viagra) over the Internet. Do a search for “RUI Arimidex.” But there are tons of these sites out there, just check on the bodybuilding boards if you choose to go with another vendor. Most of them are legit businesses, not “steroids over the Internet.”

Estrogen (E2 to be more exact) is the part of this that’s the hardest, you have to do some of this by “feel.”  If your estrogen gets too low, your joints will hurt and you won’t be able to get an erection to save your life. You’ll also be very easily aggravated and you’ll lose quite a bit of water weight. If your estrogen gets too high, you’ll feel bloated, your nipples might hurt and you’ll also have trouble getting an erection. You can get E2 tests from online labs, they cost about 50 bucks a shot, but the test really isn’t accurate enough to help you dial in all the way.  Just start with .5mgs of Arimidex and see how you feel. If you go too low, it will take a few days to make more estrogen; if you’re too high, it will take a few days to get estrogen back under control. Don’t worry, once you get it right and get used what works for you, you’ll have no trouble maintaining it.

It’s sad that it’s come to this for men to get birth control. I hope this information helps many men out there prevent a cuckold or unwanted child, as it has helped me!  Oh, and for those who are wondering, yes, this is a supra-physiological dose of testosterone. This will take your total test up to 2000 or so, and your free test over range as well. That means, more aggression, better erections, more sex drive, more muscle growth, more red blood cells and, unfortunately, more hair loss potential (Rogaine anyone?).  It’s not a “bodybuilder” dose, but, for 90% of men, you’re going to grow on this much testosterone, lose some fat, and have a better sense of well-being and feel more “alpha.”

Read More: The Movie That Understands The Ongoing Attack Against Testosterone