Lifestyle beard24

January 31st, 2013

63

How To Wear A Beard Without Looking Like An Ax Murderer

By

I have not completely shaved my face is over five years. During that time I’ve continuously sported a beard and have learned the dos and don’ts of how to keep it aesthetically pleasing. Here’s what you need to know:

1. A beard should never be more dominant than your head hair

If your beard is more prominent, you will have the dreaded ax murderer look. It also has the effect of making your eyes more beady. Notice how these beards don’t match the head hair…

2. If you have a white beard, you can grow it out as thick as you want

The white color has a balancing effect, preventing even a long white beard from clashing with a thin head of hair. Bald men with dark beard hair should keep it cropped close. Otherwise your face will look like a bushy vagina.

3. If your beard doesn’t connect, you should not grow a beard

A beard should be one continuous, lush carpet. Otherwise you look sickly, like you just got over a terrible illness.

4. Don’t get creative

Your beard should not have sharp angles or any peculiar features. Your face is not a canvas, asshole.

5. Be careful if you’re fair-skinned

Blonde beards tend to display more weakness than strength…

6. Eyebrows can make or break the rules

Guys with thick, dark eyebrows can generally wear any beard they want (I have thick eyebrows). Guys with thin or blonde eyebrows can’t.

7. It’s all about balance!

The beard doesn’t exist outside of the individual—it must match your existing features. Here are some examples of great beards that match the man:

Just because you can grow a beard, doesn’t mean you should. You must weigh your beard genetics with your head hair to know if you should sport one or not.

Read Next: The Perfect Woman: Hair



About the Author

has been blogging for several years over at RooshV.com about travel and women. He has also authored books on how to get laid in the United States, South America, and Eastern Europe. He launched Return Of Kings in October of 2012 to serve the needs of masculine men.

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  • logicwontgetmelaid

    Lol Saddam Hussein.

    • Hugh G. Rection

      I thought that was the Soup Nazi?

      • anon1

        no curds for you!

        bonus points if anyone understands this

      • Derek

        Anon1 is clever. Curds are a food product, but when spoken it sounds like Kurds the ethnic group.

      • anon2

        anon1 is a fucking faggot

      • Barrani

        It’s Kurds

  • taterearl

    I probably would have thought of Saddam different without the beard.

  • WhoCares

    Sad-damn! Lol.

    I don’t always grow a beard, but when I do, It blows yours away.

    ;D

  • Dr Zoidberg

    And learn to shave a good, straight neckline! If you are looking straight ahead trim it where your neck and jaw make a 90 degree angle. No neck beards and no just-cheek beards.

  • Nyk

    Osama also looks good with that beard. Bonus alpha points for beard if you’re Muslim.

  • Sombro

    Have to go clean-shaven. My beard has and will take the epidermis off a woman’s face.

  • Sides Are Gone

    I fucking lost it at Saddam.

  • Amanjaw Marcuntte

    Saddam Hussein rocking the Alpha stare. Dictator game?

  • chill

    Why do you have a beard Roosh? Do you look strange without a beard? Do you have to hide some acne scars?

    • Roosh

      Your mom likes it.

      • chill

        no she said it itches when you lick her pussy (which was fucked one hour before by a big black cock)

      • anon2

        Roosh is the biggest faggot on this comment thread.

    • Hypnotized

      He has a weak chin, sporting a beard helps hide it.

  • Antoine

    21 and still can’t grow the tiniest bit of beard, neither can my 24 year old brother. We’ll probably have a full one at 30. Feels bad, man

  • whatsamattayou

    but chicks dig axe murderers…

    • Turbo the drycleaner

      Only convicted ax murderers. If you just LOOK like an ax murderer, you are a creep, but if you are one you are ‘dangerous’ and ‘mysterious’.

  • The Artist Formerly Known As -

    You should’ve included Jonathan Ive as well. He’s a good example of metamorphosis.

    From a geeky-looking overweight computer guy with a sort-of-goatie:
    http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2461/4366177622_86cf49325c.jpg

    …to a much cool dude:
    http://www.blogcdn.com/www.engadget.com/media/2007/12/jony-ive-big.jpg
    http://www.blogcdn.com/www.engadget.com/media/2012/03/jony-ive-10-20-09.jpg
    http://www.inc.com/uploaded_files/image/Jonathan-Ive-Newscom_pan_14879.jpg

    Or you could just insult him for designing iPhone and other Apple gadgets that steal female attention :)

  • anon1

    i was thinking about beards today as well. are there any links of different styles that work on different complexions?

  • Mik

    Cant grow a beard man. A gd goatee is all i get.

  • Anonymous

    MAKE A FASHION STATEMENT FOR UGLY MEN — Roosh V — grow long hair and long long beard — comb hair forward over face and then glue hair and beard together — yeah a giant improvement!!!!!!!

  • qwerty
    • Roosh

      His beard is a tad brown and quite nicely matches his head hair.

    • anon1

      god damn brock lesnar looks like a fucking badass since he left the wwe.

      and yes i havent watched sports for years

  • Stuki Moi

    If you’re Brad Pitt you can break every rule in the book, and still trump all those who follow all of them to a T. In our emasculated Muslim warriors are pretty much cool by definition. Just like the biggest alpha of the 20th century was:

    http://www.pixiq.com/article/the-most-famous-photograph-in-the-world

    • Stuki Moi

      edit :”….emasculated culture, Muslim warriors….”

  • Hussein

    Sergio ramos is in the picture. NICE! next time also get xavi alonso!

    • https://twitter.com/Teedub_5 Teedub

      You’ve got it mixed up, the person in the picture IS Xabi Alonso.

  • blah

    Seneca is the only remotely attractive one. Do you have something against Capitol fashion?

  • Anonymous

    I perpetually break rule #1 with my shaved head and full, albeit trimmed, beard. I might need to master Hat Game.

  • Lamont Cranston

    Stubble. I hate it. It didn’t rock on Jed Clampett OR Yassir Arafat. It doesn’t rock on you. Grow a beard, or DON’T stubble makes you look like a jackass.

  • Greg

    No troll. Roosh is so ugly.

  • Quintus Curtius

    Roosh’s whiskers are part of his persona, his inner game, his masculine identity. Whether they admit or not, chicks dig it. Period. It is also his way of extending his middle finger to the dorks, wusses, and feminized betas of the world. The haters only wish they had the balls Roosh has to sport his whiskers. In many parts of the world, to this day, facial hair is a mark of a man’s masculine power and distinctiveness. Why? Because women can’t grow them. It says a lot about how much men have declined in this country when they quiver in fear at what the fat chick in HR might think about their goatee, or what their wives might think.

  • the passenger

    See “Beard and its Purpose for Men”.. from a Sikh perspective: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-ZT_97auIY

    Here’s why blonde beards display weakness! Name any animal which is non-aggressive or submissive.
    Golden retriever. Ragdoll cat. Sheep.

    Now, name the most aggressive and testosterone ripped.
    Rottweiler, Pitbull, Bull, Elephant, rhino. Their common trait? VERY short dark hair or no hair.
    The opposite of submissive species.

    Hair are extension of central nervous system, but only when they are dark and are able to capture energy.
    Without body hair you can become either hyper aggressive or submissive. You cannot balance your character properly, as you do not receive certain emotional, subtle information.

    Blonde girls are usually seen as weak and submissive. Now you know why.
    Redheads having the least amount of pigment can become totally crazy… such girls are extremely tough to live with. Redhead guys often place themselves above all society.
    Vlad Putin, Prince William, Nathan Rothschild, Zuckerberg,to name just a few.

    • rgove

      Lion.

    • Don

      What about a lion that can tear your flesh to pieces?

  • http://westernwoes.wordpress.com Miserman

    Saddam Hussein? So, it’s ok to look like a mass murderer, but not an axe murderer. Got it. (joking).

  • bojangles

    Xabi Alonso, ahh, those spanish footballers are holding beards pretty well at the moment in the Premier League

    Juan Mata doing it well too – http://topnews.in/sports/files/Juan-Mata_3.jpg
    Pep Guardiola has been rolling with a beard for a while now
    http://i1.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article808682.ece/ALTERNATES/s615/Pep+Guardiola+topic+pic.jpg
    As has AVB – http://www.footballshoot.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Andre-Villas-Boas-2012.jpg
    There’s this Roman warrior – http://www.standard.co.uk/incoming/article7872117.ece/ALTERNATES/w460/Daniele-De-Rossi.jpg

    In the 80′s footballer/soccer had some serious beard business going on, led by the crazy Germans. Paul Breitner who looked like a fucking lion – http://www.fcbayern.telekom.de/media/images/der_fcb/hall_of_fame/200/breitner_ima_130681_185.jpg
    Socrates (the brazilian captain) – http://www.thesundaytimes.co.uk/sto/multimedia/dynamic/00229/Socrates-portrait_229058o.jpg

  • Theodora

    This post was missing a picture of Roosh at the end.

  • Sam Spade

    Never really thought about how handsome Saddam was.

    I started wearing a beard when I was 30. I have Mediterranean features, and I keep the beard hair short so it’s not hipstery. It works for me for a couple of reasons: Gives me a squarer-looking jaw, makes me look more mysterious, brings out my eyes (which are dark brown and kind of big). Without a beard I look more effeminate, though once in a while I shave it. Women love the beard though. Glad you wrote this as not all beards are equal.

  • Doc

    Keep it neat and obviously kept rather than looking like a rat’s nest, and you’ll be fine….

  • chill

    what do women think about kissing a guy with a beard?

  • https://twitter.com/Teedub_5 Teedub

    Bald head with heavy stubble/light beard is actually a good look. Heavy beard and you’ll look like a metal musician or an ax murderer.

  • Ashley

    Holy HELL… Great Beards #2 pic… That man is sexy.

    Great post!

  • Tyler

    I haven’t trimmed my beard since October. People ask in amazement why I have decided to grow such a massive beard. I just tell them I’m a Viking.

  • Chemical O

    haha…im still laughin from the seeing the Saddam pic

  • noob

    Roosh I love your beard.

  • http://3rdmilleniummen.wordpress.com 3rd Millenium Men

    Brilliant beard analysis!! Grew mine out last year and everyone loved it. My only concern was that it makes me look much older. But hey mid 30s isn’t stopping you, Krauser and Steve from getting laid!

  • noob

    Roosh can I pay you to teach me game? I have no skills.

  • Van

    Got the thick eyebrows but alas, the beard genes are all messed up

  • corvinus

    I’ve always had very thick hair, and in my own case, I find that I’m pretty much supposed to have a beard. People started treating me much better, and women started giving me many more IOIs, once I let the beard grow out one Noshember. I then decided fuck it, the beard stays.

    There’s definitely something attractive on a primal level about a man who doesn’t shave off his facial hair. Maybe it’s simply because women don’t grow it, so it amplifies the sex difference. I suspect there’s more to it than that, though.

    Of course, I get my hair and beard trimmed every month and a half or so, so as not to have the axe-murderer/mountain-man look.

  • Alpha Unit

    I’d cry if my husband shaved. No shave November 2009 never ended. Makes him look a good 10 years older too, which is almost always a plus with the ladies. Excellent point on the connecting aspect though – that weeds out all those strange, tufty, pubic-hair like disasters on the chin.

  • Hatch

    Good read and tips, but find it funny that the 1st pic example of an ax murderer, is of Ricki Hall, well know model for his elite beard. Not to mention majority examples of primo beards at the end are, In my opinion, just scruff

  • Fluff Face

    What a load of shite

  • Baldy

    So if one is bald he shouldn’t grow a beard at all?

  • Pingback: The Things We Think But Dare Not Say

  • Omelette Du Fromage

    Stupid guidelines. Stupid article.

    • Mikkah Strong

      You just say that because you can’t grow a proper beard.

  • Alex

    I envy guys who can grow full beards. My facial hair is patchy.

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