Last night I went on a date with a short, slim, busty Turkish girl I met during the day last week.

Immediately it became clear that the verbal communication throughout the night would be limited, due to her poor English. At first, I was a bit frustrated—it’s been awhile since I’ve dealt with this high of a language barrier. Then, something interested began to happen.

I slowly began to pay less and less attention to the words that were being exchanged. It was basic small talk about cultural differences that required little to no effort; witty teasing would only confuse my date at this point. Slowly I began to focus solely on the non verbal communication of the encounter.

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Yes, this is a big part of any encounter for sure. Even when you’re dealing with a girl you can communicate perfectly clearly with, non verbal communication plays a crucial role. But, even so, I tend to focus most of my energy on creating a fun verbal experience, with light touching here and there. In this case, however, I was dedicating nearly one hundred percent of my active attention to the non verbal aspects of the conversation. Things that flow in and out of my conscious mind in a normal conversation began to dominate my thoughts.

Eye contact, body posture, and voice tonality

At the first bar we went to, I was forced to be seated at a lounge type table facing her directly, because the bar was full. This made physical touching almost impossible. However, it brought these three non verbal factors to the forefront of the interaction.

The normal advice is strong eye contact, laid back posture, and deep slow voice tonality. And all of these things are correct to a certain extent, but you must be perceptive to your partner’s state and vary these things accordingly. Simply leaning back, talking slowly, and holding eye contact all night long will most likely come off as very boring, if not altogether weird. I believe the key is to start by matching your partners energy level and then lead the way to the slow, seductive state mentioned above. 

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Dates will inevitably start with a bit of energy. Girls are almost always nervous, and guys tend to be, too. You’re normally meeting someone you don’t really know, but have some sexual interest in. This naturally brings jitters to the surface. You’ll likely notice your date struggling to maintain eye contact, fidgeting around, and talking quite quickly at first. Rather than coming in and forcing yourself into a ultra suppressed state that’s sure to conflict with your partner’s current state, you should embrace the early jitters.

This doesn’t mean being a nervous bitch, but rather starting the night with some energy. After you settle into a particular location and the initial small talk slows down, you should naturally transition your eye contact, body language, voice tonality, and energy to a more calm, seductive demeanor. Realize that the actual words being exchanged at this point are secondary to what you’re communicating non verbally. It’s far easier to show intent and create attraction through your body language than forcing weird sexual jokes or innuendos. It also won’t risk breaking rapport or coming off as super “creepy”.

I’ll end by adding a couple of additional considerations. First, once the laid back vibe has been established you should add in some touching. Commenting on her fingernails, bracelets, or clothing is an easy way to naturally incorporate some touching. Also, you should still vary these non verbal factors as the night goes on. Intermittently injecting more energy into the interaction with an exciting story or just by changing your demeanor will keep your girl on her toes and keep the conversation fresh and fun.

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