A woman has posted a spreadsheet on Reddit sent to her by her husband detailing her excuses for rejecting him for sex.
Compiled over a month, the excuses range from her prioritizing a Friends re-run over marital intimacy, to consistent references to her feeling too “gross” “sweaty” and “drunk” to make love.
Sounds like a real catch.
The email was sent as the husband set off on a ten-day business trip. He then cut contact with her, causing her to grow incensed and post these most intimate details of their (lack of) a sex life online.
Horrifyingly, both the husband and wife are only 26 years old. They have been together for five years and married for two, with no kids. They own a house together.
The wife attempted to justify her emotional betrayal of her partner like this:
Our lives have been crazy busy. We spent all spring renovating our new house. At my job I was given nearly double my usual workload after some of my colleagues were laid off. I gained some weight in the winter and have been busting my a** at the gym to get rid of it.
He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone.
Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1, with a column for my “excuses”, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment.
Without a doubt, tiredness and being busy can occasionally have a detrimental effect on the poon party, but three instances of coitus out of twenty-eight attempts is a sexual desert.
I guess the mainstream response to the story has been predictable enough, but it is depressing to observe the degree to which most commentators have taken the wife’s side and criticized the husband, calling him cruel and harsh. As always, is is the man who is in the wrong. One (female) commentator on Mail Online wrote:
Perhaps she has taken five years of this guy only treating her “special” when he wants sex..? Some men seem to not realize what a turnoff this is. You can’t treat a girl like crap all day long and expect her to want intimacy at day’s end. There is simply no way to satisfy a woman sexually if she is unsatisfied with the rest of the relationship. She may love you enough to put up with it for a while…but she will eventually not be able to fake it anymore.
See how the hamster runs. Without any knowledge of the back story, this writer assumes that the wife has withheld sex as a response to errant behaviour. Sadly, those of us who live on planet earth and interact with women know that sex is far more likely to wither and die in the face of beta supplication than jerkboy aloofness. Do the chores and she won’t drop her drawers.
The most common response—even from commentators on the Roosh V forum—has been to describe the guy’s strategy as passive aggressive and immature. In my view, words like these are simply shaming tools. Sure, the guy could have “manned up” and spoken to her about the issue—but my bet is that he already had. The spreadsheet feels very much like a last resort, and not one designed, as some have mistakenly deduced, to try to reignite the spark:
If someone had constructed a spreadsheet of reasons why I wouldn’t have sex with them, it would make me instantly want to pounce on their cock and worship them like the god of sex they clearly are. No wait – it would make me feel nauseous and like I didn’t want them anywhere near me. That’s beyond pathetic.
No. My belief is that he judged a spreadsheet to be the clearest and most logical way to delineate his wife’s errant behavior. I don’t suppose for a moment he expected it to cause her to run back to him and begin fellating him. Whether it was a beta move or not is still being debated, but there is something quite compelling, almost Bret Easton Ellis dark triad, in sending a formal analysis of one’s sex life then going incommunicado on a business trip.
Rather than round in on the husband’s supposed immaturity and passive-aggressiveness, people should instead consider the wife’s immaturity, the wife’s passive-aggressiveness. Not only has she willingly and of her own accord made a legal and ethical commitment which her subsequent lack of sexual interest suggests she shouldn’t have made, but she has also chosen to share a private document on the internet. For this she has—bewilderingly—been cheered on by women and manboobs everywhere.
Still, in a way this story has done men a favor. The best creative agency in the world would have been hard-pressed to come up with a more effective advertisement against marriage. Rollo points out that getting hitched is no insulation from the sexual marketplace, and it is a common trope that men need to game their wives. But that’s a hell of a lot of work, and with the sexual rewards potentially so low, and with women being a depreciating asset over time, many guys could be forgiven for choosing not to bother and to remain single, learn game and spin plates instead.
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