In life, it is often easy to overcomplicate things. After all, complicated can sometimes feel like it should be better than simple.
I have spent a long time trying to develop my skills as a fiction writer. I love literature from all periods, but I have a special fondness for tricksy, postmodern writers like David Foster Wallace, Thomas Pynchon, and William Gaddis. This means that I spent a lot of time trying to emulate their work, writing long, self-referential “meta” narratives that no one in their right mind would want to read.
Then I picked up Bukowski. If you haven’t read him then you should. Dude is red pill as fuck. But the point is, his work is incredibly simple. Women, his 1978 bestseller, recounts his experiences getting drunk and banging a bunch of girls. That’s it. The language he uses is plain and unadorned:
I was 50 years old and I hadn’t been to bed with a woman for four years. I had no women friends, I looked at them as I passed them on the streets or wherever I saw them, but I looked at them without yearning and with a sense of futility. I masturbated regularly, but the idea of having a relationship with a woman—even on no-sexual terms—was beyond my imagination.
Incredibly simple, but it brings to life his loneliness with elegance and economy. A lesser writer might have spent several paragraphs trying to say the same thing.
See The Beauty in Simplicity
I have an analytical mind. I enjoy sophisticated, complex ideas and I get a buzz out of feeling I figured them out. It was like this when I got into the game. I read Neil Strauss, and many other pick-up books. I read Sperm Wars. I read a lot of online forums. Here was a brave new world. Incredible, these new insights into social dynamics and female psychology. Even more incredible when I went out into the field, put them into practice and it worked!
But too much theory, and too much intellectualizing, can over-complicate what is actually a very simple thing. After all, men and women were meeting and having sex long before the internet as invented and game was promulgated through it.
As with writing, the best game is generally the simplest. But sometimes when we read game gurus, or watch their You Tube videos, it is easy to feel we have to live up to some artificial, external standard.
What is Game?
At base, game is incredibly simple:
Opportunity + escalation → Sex
For all the millions of words that have been written on the subject, this simple equation is what it comes down to. You create an opportunity with a woman, you escalate and then you have sex with her.
The only problem is that not every woman will be receptive to your approach, or some obstacle will come up that will derail your attempt. For that reason, you need to create as many opportunities as possible.
The Direct Approach
For a long time, I have used direct game. Shock and awe, if you will. “Hey, you—come here. You’re fucking hot.” There are many variants, but you get the basic idea.
Now granted, that doesn’t sound especially complicated. But the nest of theories about alpha dominance and the display of “dark triad” traits underlying it is. It is a self-consciously “gamey” approach.
Direct works, and it works very well. It works especially well when the girl is already attracted, true. But—and people often fail to realize this—if your approach is strong enough, it can also create attraction in itself. Simply having the balls to approach a woman sober and convey your sexual attraction to her unashamedly and without fear of rejection automatically puts you in the top percentile of men she will encounter. I have got laid through doing just this many, many times. Of course, it helps if you are well-presented and project yourself as a high-value man, but this is within everyone’s reach.
That said, the blow out rate for direct approaches is very high. Why? Because when you put your desire for her out there up front, there really is nowhere else to go in the interaction. It’s a bit like asking a closed question while trying to make a sale. “Do you want to buy this bread or not?” Since you haven’t warmed up the buyer by describing the bread’s features and benefits, they can only make a knee-jerk decision about it—and that decision is not often the one you would like.
The Awesome Power of Indirect
Ask yourself this? Throughout history, men have gotten laid as well as players. How have they managed it?
By starting random, seemingly innocuous conversations with women they’re attracted to.
Recently I have been running a lot of indirect game. The results have been remarkable.
After a period away from hardcore gaming due to work commitments, I decided to get myself back into the swing of talking to random people by asking for directions. I spent an hour asking girls in central London where the Apple store is. This had several effects:
- I saw that some girls would reject the question even though it as entirely innocuous. This made me feel less bad about the times a more obviously sexual approach had been rejected in a similar way in the past.
- It got me into a state of momentum and a great mood very quickly
- I saw that at least a few of the girls I approached were interested in continuing the conversation.
I suppose I had previously been a little snobbish about indirect (even though I’ve used it plenty of times) because I felt that the ballsy “alpha” guy would not hide his intent. However, this brief experiment revealed the awesome power of the indirect opener:
- Going indirect makes you less easy to reject from the beginning, as your request for directions or advice might well be legitimate. Politeness dictates that your target must at least listen and make some kind of response. Because she is unsure of your sexual interest in her, she can’t risk blowing you out harshly.
- An indirect opener give you a couple of seconds more to convey your personality.
- It will get her hamster running on overdrive—“does this guy like me or not?”
- At the same time, strong eye contact will lend the interaction an undercurrent of sexuality.
How to Make Indirect Work for You
- Spot your target. Approach. Put all thoughts of pulling her out of your mind at this point—you are simply going to ask her for information.
- Approach confidently—after all, there’s no reason for you not to (see above).
- Deliver your question. It doesn’t matter what it is. Directions are great. Ask where a certain street is, or store.
- Maintain strong eye contact. This is key. While you shouldn’t look overtly flirtatious, there should be at least a degree of ambiguity in the interaction.
- When she gives her answer, you can fluff talk for a second, keeping up the eye contact (“Ah, I thought it was on Regent Street…”) The purpose of this is to get her to talk a little more so that you can then move into your transition.
- If she seems distracted or keen to move on the walk away. Nothing lost. But if she lingers at all, even barely perceptibly, then move on to the next stage.
- Transition—this is advancing the conversation on from the initial topic. Make a statement about her. It can be anything, for instance, about something she’s wearing. I often comment on her accent. “You sound Portuguese.” It doesn’t matter if you are right or not. In fact, the more wrong you are the better. That way she will likely laugh, and you can bust her on what she comes back with.
- Fluff talk. This is where you need to come across as a relatively normal, well-adjusted human being. “Oh yeah, I went to Portugal once—lovely beaches etc.” Again, simplicity is key. Don’t feel like you need to do anything to clever or gamey. Just have a regular conversation, maintaining strong eye contact all the while.
- Tell a story based on what she says. Recently a girl told me she worked in a maternity clinic. I told her about how when I was a little kid my dad greeted a woman in the park, and told me after she’d passed that she had been my midwife, but that I’d misunderstood and thought he had meant that this woman would one day become my wife. A bullshit story, but mildly amusing if told correctly, with the benefit of a cute kid angle.
- You’ve now been chatting for a few minutes. Hopefully she has been smiling and laughing. Now you should get her contact details. Simply say “Hey, it’s been great chatting. We should hang out sometime—put your number in here,” then hand her your phone.
From an entirely innocuous start, you now have the phone number of a new woman, who you can game via text as normal. Now arrange a date and escalate.
All sounds simple? That’s because it is. Remember, when you strip away all of the PUA bullshit, men and women meeting is the most straightforward thing in the world. Repeat the above formula enough times and I guarantee you will get laid without having to resort to clever tricks and techniques.
Indirect takes the pressure off both you and the girl—you’re not required to act like a sick pimp player, and there is less of a risk of rejection as if you sense she is not interested you can simply move on without losing face (although you should always try to push each interaction as far as you can before throwing in the towel). She isn’t put on the spot so much, and is given the opportunity to meet you and experience your personality in a way that feels natural and straightforward. Everyone wins.
Remember, though—the essence of approaching, particularly in the daytime, is being normal. Nothing is worse than watching some badly-calibrated, super-gamey buffoon attempt to pull. Ask a good friend to be honest with you and tell you how you come across to other people. If any negatives come up then you should take steps to fix these. By all means practice your game at the same time, but realize that being good socially is half the battle.
After that, realize that game can be simpler than you think, and you don’t have to pimp it like a rock star to get laid with hot girls.
For more on how to achieve an abundant sex life with beautiful women click here