Tuthmosis Sonofra
Tuthmosis is a Columnist-at-Large at Return of Kings. His work has been covered by major media outlets such as The Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan, Vice Magazine, The Daily Mail, and Yahoo Shine. He's also been profiled by BuzzFeed and The New Statesman.
You can follow him on Twitter.
Every time I see a semi-attractive girl in line at the pharmacy I assume she’s picking up birth control. More times than not, her body language and outfit remove all doubt. I’m shocked at the club attire that chicks have the temerity to wear to pick up their Nuvaring. It’s as if they intend to use it inside the very Walgreens the moment they get it.
In a general sense, I don’t object to birth control. It’s given me, and men like me, unprecedented access to the naughty bits of a variegated and replenishing bin of 20-somethings. In theory, at least, it keeps women from having a bunch of unnecessary kids from performing the task of emptying their husbands’ balls every couple of days. And, truth be told, that’s how birth control was marketed for a long time. Women could control how many children they could have inside of their committed relationships.
Things have changed.
In just the past couple of years, I’ve seen a drastic shift in the tone of marketing campaigns for women’s birth control. Gone are the wives and fathers of previous pitches. Enter the floozies. Today’s woman, the new ads inform us, is busy. So busy and distracted, in fact, that taking a pill every day is too much of a burden. Ron Popeil’s famous set-it-and-forget model has reached the American pussy in the shape of rings and wishbones and an array of other suppositories. You crush the thing into the love canal and don’t have to worry about “forgetting” to take your pill.
A recent campaign is even more eyebrow-raising. An off-brand IUD (intrauterine device) product that goes by the name “Skyla” recently put out a series of banner ads not just trumpeting the just-how-busy girls are these days, but just how much their hobbies and extravagant dreams are stand-ins for motherhood. Musical instruments and introductory textbooks, we learn, are the same as fulfilling your biological imperative of producing healthy offspring during your prime years. Having children is mutually exclusive with a rewarding life.
These ads naturally inspired excoriating lampoons at the RVF. Because let’s face it: the overwhelming majority of 20-somethings aren’t postponing children to become cello virtuosos or movie makers. They’re putting off motherhood for such frivolities as riding the cock carousel, accumulating pets to serve as child proxies, and pissing away their days—one swipe at a time—on their precious iPhones.
I’ve always said you can tell more about a society by its advertisements than by its politicians. Skyla’s new ad campaign only seems to reinforce that belief.
Read More: The Anti-Male Commercial
Tuthmosis Sonofra
Tuthmosis is a Columnist-at-Large at Return of Kings. His work has been covered by major media outlets such as The Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan, Vice Magazine, The Daily Mail, and Yahoo Shine. He's also been profiled by BuzzFeed and The New Statesman.
You can follow him on Twitter.
