In any discussion of power structures, the most important thing to consider is not the intent of the person or body involved, but rather the impact that their actions have on you or your peer group.
The manosphere presents a number of arguments critical of female behavior. That it is able to do so is in a large part due to the unique position in which we find ourselves vis a vis technology. The internet has made it possible, for the first time ever, for men to compare notes and to record their common experiences with the opposite sex from a position of relative anonymity. This meta-discussion is ongoing, its still-tentative conclusions spread across many, many fine (and not so fine) blog posts, analyses and books. But I think it fair to say that a central tenet of so-called “red pill” thinking is what many commentators refer to as women’s “alpha-fux, beta bux” mating strategy.
This term refers to women’s tendency to select men who demonstrate attractive “alpha” characteristics for quick, short term sex (and impregnation); and “beta” types for long-term provisioning and child-rearing (often, unknowingly, of the alpha’s kid). This, coupled with Rollo’s excellent analysis of women’s first stellar and then declining sexual market value as they pass through their party years (18-23) to the wall and beyond, and the personas that they frequently adopt within each phase (i.e cock carousel rider, marriage-and-kids enthusiast, adulteress, crazy cat woman etc.) seems to me to be at the heart of men’s shared observations.
It’s depressing stuff, and I suspect that a great many men (myself included) would rather not believe it, or would rather cling to the notion that NAWALT (not all women are like that). Unfortunately, the reason that manosphere sites have gained traction in the last few years is that they enable men to see how closely their own experiences align with those of others, leading them to conclude that, regrettably, most women are indeed “like that”—or at least have the propensity to be so.
I recently read a critique of the manosphere on a feminist blog that took issue with this model of female behaviour. The writer’s argument went something like this:
What world are these people living in? Everyone makes mistakes when they are young and still learning. I don’t know any woman who sets out to fuck sexy alphas when she’s in her twenties, then snag a boring guy for marriage, have kids with him, and milk him for alimony and child support after she’s cuckolded him. We all muddle through life, making mistakes as we learn and grow. The manosphere is a paranoid conspiracy theory.
Funnily enough, I don’t entirely disagree with this. In my non-manosphere existence, I am a brother to three sisters, and I am friendly with many women at work and through my social circle. I also don’t personally know any women who set out to ruin men’s lives by acting as described above (although I am aware that such callous gold-diggers do indeed exist). The women that I know are in the main pleasant people who, if questioned, would express their admiration for male “beta” traits such as kindness, generosity, respect, and ability to provide for a family.
It doesn’t mean they behave in accordance with this, though.
Some commentators on manosphere sites believe that feminism is a power structure constructed with the specific intention of subjugating men and ruining their lives by extracting resources from them through unfair divorce and childcare laws. Personally, I don’t buy that. I think feminism has evolved due to any number of complex political and societal shifts over the last hundred years or so, and to ascribe the current situation to a conspiracy against men is an oversimplification and wrongheaded. But in the end, does it really matter?
This is where the difference between intent and impact comes in. Whatever the meta intent of those behind feminism may or may not be, the impact of it on me remains the same: if I display beta characteristics and get married, then there’s a good chance I’ll get screwed over down the line. Alternatively, if I act like a jerk in a Vegas nightclub, then there’s a good chance I’ll get laid.
I can think of two women I know right now, both in their late twenties or early thirties. One has just married her long-term boyfriend; the other will marry hers in a few weeks time. Both are, on the surface, intelligent, pleasant enough, caring women. Both have also cheated on their partners several times on drunken nights out with colleagues. They are following the manospheric model outlined above precisely—i.e. marrying a provider-type just as their SMV passes its peak and the wall beckons. Both have had no compunction in cuckolding their fiancées with fun, alpha-type guys, and I would say it is not unlikely that this will continue even after a ring has been put on it.
The funny thing is, though, if you asked either of these women for their thoughts on red pill thinking, I have no doubt that they would vehemently refute it. There are two reasons for this: first, women are generally solipsistic and unable (or unwilling) to admit the similarity between the manosphere model and their own bad behaviour. And second, I don’t believe that either woman went into her relationship intending to cheat on her partner: their intentions, I’m sure, were good. But the ‘gina tingles proved too much and they did it anyway. The impact on their partners (were they to find out the truth) would be the same as if they had planned it, though.
Just before I finally downed the red pill, I was seeing a girl who also had a boyfriend. I had really lost it over this girl: I wanted her to leave the boyfriend for me. But she wouldn’t. We’d meet for sex in the afternoon and then she’d go back to him. It sounds like an ideal arrangement now—back then, it wasn’t enough.
Things came to a head and I told her how much she was hurting me. But there was reason after reason as to why she couldn’t leave him—they kept coming. “I don’t mean to hurt you,” she said. “I’m a good person. It’s just the way things are at the moment.” It was at that point I realized the importance of impact over intent. I wanted to believe her—I wanted to believe that she didn’t intend to hurt me. But whether she did or not, it didn’t matter—the impact of her behavior was damaging to me. As soon this became clear to me, I walked. I never spoke to her again.
I am no great believer in conspiracy theories—about feminism or anything else. I’m not saying all of them are false—some certainly seem more plausible than others—but in the main I feel that human beings are just too disorganized, selfish and solipsistic to effectively (and secretly!) run the sorts of complex structures that some theorists describe. This is just a personal view and many will disagree with me. But regardless, as individuals there is very little we can do about meta power structures anyway.
I’m not saying you should bury your head in the sand—just ask yourself honestly what you can influence and what you can’t. If a girl cheats on you, then the chances are she is not acting as an agent of a feminist conspiracy to destabilize men—she is just acting in accord with her ‘gina tingles. She may not intend to hurt you through her behavior, but the impact of it is the same as if she did, so treat her accordingly. Delete her number and cut her out of your life.
Men can rail against feminism and smartphones and hook-up culture all day long on internet message boards, but the genie ain’t going back in the bottle. The modern world is what it is and you should put your own interests first. Don’t waste time thinking about the intentions of those whose actions affect you—e.g. women, employers, governments; they are largely irrelevant. Instead, think about how these actions impact you and what you can do about it.
If you’re unhappy with your girlfriend, then dump her, learn game and find another one. If you don’t like the way your company has been restructured then start your own business and leave. If you don’t like the state of the nation then emigrate to a foreign country where there is a better way of life. The fantastic thing about the manosphere is that it is filled with positive, actionable advice to do all of these things. You are better off concentrating on those things you can control, rather than those things you can’t.