Despite many years of approaching girls in bars (on and off, with the occasional seasonal break in LTRs), I ultimately grew unsatisfied with the volume of results I have gotten. Don’t get me wrong, it got me more than I would have ever gotten without game, but I felt I could do better. Here’s what worked for me:

1. Don’t apologize

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This one is pretty self-explanatory, but I will give you an example. Recently, I picked up a girl and brought her back to my place. For whatever reason, I was wearing a half-boner and after two bare thrusts inside her, I came. We are talking breaking-a-personal-record type of quick. Instead of apologizing I just laid on the side of the bed and kept my cool. The girl did not call me out or reproach me at any point. Obviously she was still horny as fuck, but besides making out heavily, no negative vibes.

I called for a 15-minute break to recover and after that I got my boner in full force this time. We started fucking and after a while, as if by divine retribution I was struggling to come and could see her pussy was hurting at this point. She tried to let me continue three times, until I just brushed the issue aside and stopped. How did she react? She looked embarrassed and said: I hope you don’t hate me now. Despite having come as fast as lightning immediately before, on the opposite situation (having her come before me) she felt guilty. Magic? No, just stop apologizing.

2. Everything you say is golden

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You know that time when you run out of things to say to a girl? Well, ramble on, because it doesn’t matter. If she’s feeling you, she’s gonna sit through all that talk to stroke your ego. Say whatever you want with a face that hints at you believing your bullshit and standing 100% behind it. This gave me an incredible confidence boost that helped me get over the bump I would reach early on in approaches. What used to kill me is not the fact that I did not know what to say (I tend to have a way with bullshit)—it was the insecurity that would take over me and ultimately fizzle out the conversation as a result.

3. Kill the interaction instead of letting it die out

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Don’t let the excitement of the interaction disappear. How? By escalating constantly, even if you are sure it won’t work. Ask her to come with you somewhere, for a date next week or (better) to dance right then and there. If it doesn’t fly, you found out she wasn’t feeling you and saved your time. Get out of there, onto the next one.

Having the willingness to leave at any time, creates a feeling of loss that prompts her to ‘go for it’ if she’s interested. Case in point: a few Saturdays ago, upon approaching a girl that was leaving with her friends and chatting her up a bit, I asked her to dance. She said no and as I was about to leave, she asked me for a date the following week. We met and banged that same evening.

4. Bring your expectations to zero

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It doesn’t matter what step of the pickup you find yourself in: this broad doesn’t owe you shit. It doesn’t matter if you just met her, you are making out or she’s laying on your bed with her legs spread. Always have a notion in the back of your head that something can and probably will go wrong. Be prepared. There’s no done deal until she lets your dick thrust through her vagina.

The same applies with setting crazy expectations for yourself. Regardless of your level of game, do everything one step at a time. Don’t look at other runners in the race or the road itself: you are just focusing on where you are and your immediate next step. What I mean by this is to avoid falling into the downward spiral of trying to psych yourself with your buddies before going out that you all are getting laid tonight. No. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment. Instead, think that you are just going to hang out in a bar and see where the night takes you. You know that if you see a beautiful girl you will approach her, but don’t set impossible standards on yourself that may deter you from your goals. How do I do this?

Setting simple and attainable objectives relative to your progress with a girl. First, your goal is to talk to her. If she engages in the interaction (i.e. replies when you talk to her, asks you questions, smiles, etc), your goal can be to isolate her from her friends if she’s in a group or go for the kiss or number. Once you have that down, my next objective would be to bang her or take her out on a date. You see where this is going: Whatever it is you want, always figure out the next immediate step. The rest may not even happen, so no need to burn the fuse thinking about it.

5. Work on your weaknesses

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Figure out what your strengths are and then go for the opposite. My case: I had been focusing on indirect approach in bars for years. Basically ‘talking her up’ until I could isolate her to the dancefloor or a terrace. Although it worked on occasion, it proved to be filled with more cockblocking than I thought possible. I had always ignored the dancefloor as a viable option for approaching since it was more physical and aggressive than I was comfortable with at the time. I considered chatting up people one of my strong points, so why not focus on that? You want to know what happened when I started trying approaches on the dancefloor?

I blew up. I couldn’t recognize myself. I always wondered: what do these guys say to girls? And the answer, as some of you might be suspecting is: it doesn’t even fucking matter. If the chick is not into you she won’t even give you the time of day. Some would throw a very distinct look as if asking you non-verbally, “Who do you think you are to fathom the idea of interacting with such a fine specimen such as myself?” Other girls will politely excuse themselves or attempt to give you some baseless reasoning. Don’t even fight it, just ignore them and move on. Whatever you are selling, they are not buying. Find the ones who do.

For example: you are on the dancefloor and see a girl you like. Approach her, touch her on the shoulder, and ask a question. Anything. Bonus points if you ask something that showcases situational awareness such as:

  • “What was that fight about?”
  • “Why are you wearing that silly hat, is it your birthday?”
  • “How tall are you?” (this has worked wonders for me, it gets out her insecurities if your vibe is right)
  • “How’s your night going?”
  • “How are you tonight?”

Follow up a few very simple questions, make a few comments, ask her for her name and when she shakes your hand, turn her around and start dancing (alternatively, if you want to be more boring, ask her to dance). One way or another, either she lets you continue or stops you. If you got the green light, go ahead, you should be clear for at least a makeout or some grinding. Dancefloor approaches are great to cut to the chase. They save you time and allow you to get physical really fast.

Final notes

In short, what worked for me is to never apologize, ramble on with confidence, and kill interactions by pushing the envelope as far as it goes. Setting your expectations close to zero sets you up for success—nothing can go wrong if you do your best without unrealistic goals adding up insecurity (this obviously doesn’t give you a free pass at not doing shit for the whole night and justifying it on low expectations).

Finally, switching gears and practicing a modality I haven’t been too keen on in the past (bar approaches vs. dancefloor approaches) increased the output of my game. For you it can be transitioning from night game to day game, going from indirect to direct approaches—it’s up to you to figure it out. Hopefully these tips will help you grow as much as they did me.

Read More: How To Increase Your Sexual Prospects Before Even Using Game