The one-ended open relationship is every man’s dream scenario—when he is allowed, or even encouraged, to fuck anyone whom he wishes, while having a girl waiting at home who is loyal to him, and him only. Really, if you think about it, what isn’t to like about that situation if you are the man?
All of his sexual needs are met, and his loyal girl is unable to dangle sex as a reward or utilize it as a weapon. He gets his variety from a sexual standpoint, and at the same time, he gets all the comfort and stability of a full-time monogamous girlfriend. Granted, he probably has to deal with more jealousy and shit tests than he would if they were monogamous, but that is a small price to pay for complete and guiltless sexual freedom.
Proposing The Open Relationship
Recently, someone on Reddit (these are the archives, as the original was taken down) attempted to pull off an open relationship on both ends, and had it blow up in his face. Read the full article if you please, but in short, the writer is feeling unfulfilled—the reason being that he is stuck in a monogamous relationship who is, in his own words, “a big girl.” He writes:
Eventually I realised that the best thing for me to do would be to open up the relationship or break up with my girlfriend.
I spoke to her about this and, well, it broke her heart at the time. She was sobbing on me the whole night of me talking to her about it, saying she wanted to be monogamous and she didn’t like the thought of an open relationship at all. She asked for a couple of weeks to think about it, which happened, but when we spoke about it again she told me she still didn’t want to do it. I had to tell her at this point it was this or break up as I didn’t feel fulfilled. At this, she said okay, she would try the open relationship.
So, in short, she agreed to the open relationship even though she hated the idea as she didn’t want to break up. She wanted to know how an open relationship worked so I set down a few ground rules and boundaries which we both agreed to. Mainly things like.. sleep with whoever you want whenever you want, but always with protection. Casual dating is allowed as long as the person you’re dating knows the situation (since it’s hard to sleep with someone without a date first). Our relationship shouldn’t suffer and we still need to be there for each other. etc.
If we are doing an honest assessment of this man’s work, he didn’t do that bad as far as carrying out the proposal (ignoring the fact that he committed to serial monogamy with a fat girl in the first place). He did not give in to her demands, and did not cave when she pulled the waterworks on him. He stood his frame and told her it was his way or the highway, and by all means this was the correct move.
If you are casually dating a girl, and she flat-out demands monogamy, it is best to hold your frame and refuse to commit. If she relents and agrees to keep seeing you, you are in the driver’s seat. If you relent and cave to her wishes, you end up relationships like these; her frame outweighs yours and you are left to have your soul crushed slowly and painfully.
In short, the reader got what he wanted. Or so he thought.
The Situation Backfires
The writer’s problem is that he had little to know understanding sexual marketplace value or dating dynamics in general. As you can read below, the situation entirely backfired on him, as she began riding the carousel at full speed while he could not even secure a coffee date.
Less than two months later from this, she’s signed up on FetLife too and now 100% enjoying herself. There are men crawling all over her, her profile, her pictures she’s put up. I know for a fact that she’s been on a heck of a lot of dates, both with people from the website and off it, and I also know she’s been intimate with many of them too (I keep seeing comments on her pictures saying vulgar things like ‘God I miss my mouth around those beautiful breasts’ etc from other men who I know she has been on dates with..)
Me, on the other hand? I’ve not hooked up with anyone, and only had one date. All the women who seemed to be interested in me turned out to only want to flirt online and only wanted attention, and when I brought up meeting up with any of them I got rejected.
Any man who had read ROK would know that online dating is a woman’s paradise for attention whoring and cheap sex. Judging by the way that he wrote that she was, “on Fetlife too” leads me to believe that he openly encouraged her to sign up for this website, where she was obviously going to meet horny men who wanted to fuck her.
So here is this “big” girl whose monogamous boyfriend crushes her heart by asking for an open relationship, and he then hands her the key to get all of her self esteem back and more through the cock carousel. But that is exactly what he did, and it continued to go downhill from there.
Just this past Friday night I go out to the late night shop, and on the main road I find my girlfriend standing outside a pub with a guy, holding hands and making out. He was at least 6’4, muscles everywhere you look, arms covered in tattoos (which I know my girlfriend likes). I feel like shit. My girlfriend sees me, immediately breaks away from him and comes over smiling all over her face. She hugs me, kisses me, then the guy comes and introduces himself. It was awkward as fuck honestly, but my girlfriend didn’t seem to notice at all. After stupid chitchat I tell them I need to get going, at which my girlfriend tells me she loves me, kisses me and that she will text me the next day as she wanted a date with me the next night. She then says she’s going to go into the pub to visit the bathroom, and asked her “date” to wait outside for her and then after they’ll “get going” (back to her place I assume..).
tl;dr: Asked my girlfriend for an open relationship so we could both date and sleep with other people. My girlfriend has been on way too many dates and I’m sure she’s hooked up with a good few too. I havn’t. Feel the open relationship has gotten way too unfair towards me and I want to close it, but because it was my idea I don’t know how to bring it up to her. Need advice on how to do this and close the relationship again.
What Can You Learn?
As stated, this man’s strategy towards pulling this off was poor from the get-go. To start, if he was going to pursue this open relationship, he should have already had some legitimate solid leads cooking (not just girls he was playing instant message tag with), or at least had enough game that he could confidently go out and successfully pull a girl that very night.
You see, him sleeping around would have actually made this girl more attracted to him, as women typically will get the tingles when another woman is interested in her man. The same is not true in reverse. Most normal men will feel nauseous of the thought of another penis inside of their girlfriend’s vagina.
If he had played this correctly, it is more likely that his girlfriend’s hamster would have gone haywire, and she would have turned to all sorts of tactics to get him to spend the majority of his time and sexual energy on her and not other women. He would have reaped the rewards of a loving, doting girlfriend while still being able to get some ass on the side.
Instead, he handed her a loaded gun.
Had he any knowledge of online dating, he would have known she was going to get bombarded with attention, even if she weighs 300 pounds. Meanwhile, he realized that the majority of the women are online dating sites simply to attention whore, with little-to-no intention of every stepping foot out on a date.
Of course, once his girlfriend got a taste of the situation (a beta for her emotional support, with his approval to fuck all the alpha cock she wanted), she was hooked. As soon as she struck first, and his jealously arose before hers did, the game was over. His attempts to return this to a strictly monogamous relationship will fall upon deaf ears. Most likely, they will break up sooner rather than later, and she will continue down her path of racking up notches. Eventually, she will tire of this, or become too obese and ugly for her to continue to receive attention. It is then that she will return to the writer and likely accept his terms of monogamy again.
I sincerely hope he is not foolish enough to do so.
While I do not claim to be an open relationship expert, there are plenty of people around this part of the Internet that have pulled them off to great success.
One thing I do know is: if you’re going to propose an open relationship with a girl, make sure your frame is strong and that you can actually seduce a girl yourself.
Or, you could just get a mistress. It seems a hell of a lot easier.
Read More:5 Ways To Eject From A Relationship