Presumably, many of you found your way to the Manosphere after a particularly crushing failure with a woman. I am no different. Simply put, I closely followed the beta-provider-chump playbook for over a year, sacrificing my individuality and compromising my masculinity for my now ex-girlfriend, only to be rewarded with infidelity. Spending many sleepless nights and much of my time at work searching for guidance on what I may have done wrong eventually led me to Return of Kings.
Never before had I been exposed to such unapologetic, harsh, and raw truth. After reading many articles on this site and others like it, I began to adopt the principles of game, lifestyle, and masculinity into my own life. Being raised in a fairly traditional (by American standards) environment, understanding and applying the lessons I learned here felt natural. I began to approach women, lift weights, neglect my comforts and luxuries, embrace my masculinity, and see the world for what it really is.
Despite a few scattered failures, the results were almost immediate. I felt I had swallowed the Red Pill and was a fledgling alpha male. After a few months of enjoying the path of self-improvement, I completely and utterly regressed. I write this article as a cautionary tale, hoping that anyone who is new to these philosophies will learn from my mistakes.
The girl I mentioned earlier, after months of zero contact, reached out to me. Her now ex-boyfriend put her through the same scenario she had put me. My initial reaction was mostly vindication, but a soft spot remained and I attempted to comfort her. It was so easy to fall back into the same patterns and mentality that had set me up for failure before. Even equipped with all the knowledge I gained from RoK, I did almost everything I was not supposed to do. I began texting back immediately, approving and commending everything she did, I even told myself “she’s different.”
The final straw that led to my full regression was when she invited me to spend the weekend of her birthday with her, due to having lost most of her friends in her last breakup. I accepted. What makes this even worse is the fact that I now live over six hundred miles away from her. I know, I can actually feel all of you shaking your head.
Ignoring The Red Pill
I showed up, brought presents, bought her food, drove her all over town, and dedicated every minute to her. I was a sick puppy, desperately seeking her affection. Everything a white-knight, beta-bitch would do, I did. Despite her invitation, I was treated with what felt like polite, yet forced tolerance. She was constantly attached to her phone, rambled endlessly about nothing, and was pretty much a terrible host. I know what you’re wondering, and no, in the two days I spent with her, we did not hook up. I left her home for mine feeling dejected, beaten, and stupid. I was stupid.
In the weekend I spent with her, the advice and principles I learned at RoK were floating around in my head and I willingly rejected them. I told myself over and over that this girl is different; she truly is the one exception. I knew how pathetic I looked, I knew how much I deserved to be chastised, and I knew how much the writers I’ve come to respect would shake their heads at me. I knew all of this and still continued playing the part of the beta. For all my misguided efforts, I spent the homeward six hundred miles with an awful pit in my stomach. I was once again sad, hopeless, and without direction. I gave myself over to the thought that maybe this is the best I could ever hope for in my life. What a shitty existence. I was back to square one.
What I Learned
In my nine-hour drive I ran the full gamut of emotions. I was a mess, until it finally hit me. I had put myself in this situation, I have no one to blame for my current position except myself. The moment I rejected the ugly truth is the moment everything started sucking again. I was still afflicted with an aggressive case of oneitis, and I did nothing to fight it. I put my emotional wellbeing in the hands of someone who had a terrible track record of keeping it intact. In short, I gave myself over to the enemy. Even though I still felt like shit, it was reassuring to know that those feelings were my own doing. I may be an idiot, but at least I still have control over my life. I now realize that my rejection of the red pill is what got me into this sad state.
I never want to feel like that again, and I know you don’t either. If you are relatively new, or are having a hard time agreeing with the philosophies espoused here, I want to help stop you from making the same kind of mistakes I did. Whether you want to dive right into these philosophies, or you are still skeptical of this whole “red pill” thing, there are a few basic truths that will guard you if you adhere to them:
1. Oneitis is a very serious threat to your emotional well-being. Never forget that there are millions of women in the world—odds are very good that many of them are better than the one you’re currently pedestalizing.
2. Self-improvement should be your number one priority. The goal isn’t solely to get laid—the goal is to become a well-rounded, well-adjusted, masculine man. The conquest of one or many women may be part of your journey, but never the destination.
3. Most western women are selfish and do not care about you. Due to being constantly congratulated and praised by white-knights and beta orbiters for having a vagina, they are conditioned to believe they are infallible.
4. Take care of yourself. You cannot count on anyone to fully have your back. Realize that you are one hundred percent in charge of the situations you expose yourself to. When in doubt, err on the side of selfishness.
Keep these truths in the back of your mind in your everyday life. It may all sound bleak, but I believe it is the acceptance of these truths that will actually lead to happiness. These are not lessons you want to learn multiple times.