The modern corporate world is a difficult space to negotiate. What with ever-increasing constraints on personal freedoms through draconian HR laws, it’s surprising that anyone stays employed for more than a week. And of course, the ‘job for life’ certainties that the baby boomer generation enjoyed are now as quaint as the Charleston and smoking indoors. This is why many men from this corner of the internet choose to opt out, establishing lifestyle businesses that enable them to work remotely to a much freer schedule.
For those still chained to the corporate treadmill, though, a recurrent question occurs: should one game at work or not? If you’re like me, you work in a contemporary office environment servicing an industry such as finance, travel, law or advertising, then it is likely that you are surrounded by a plethora of hotties. I am employed in a huge office complex in London housed in a tower overlooking Canary Wharf, the city’s key financial hub. Every day thousands of young women in their early twenties, many of them hot, pour in through the doors. Given that the requirements for female work-wear are commonly a lot more lax than for men, many of them are impressively attired in high heels, slinky pencil skirts and strappy tops ballasted only by the generous breasts contained within.
Given this high traffic, fecund with erotic opportunity, should I wade in and treat the place like a nightclub on ‘Free Shots for Ladies’ night, or should I keep my gaming for outside my place of gainful employment? Many guys would argue the latter: ‘don’t defecate on your own doorstep’. A contrary view would be that, given the transient state of the employment market, the likelihood of both you and her both still working there in even six months time is slim, so why not take advantage of the environment simply as another venue to meet women? Each man must make up his own mind on this. If you decide to go ahead then proceed with caution: know your company’s polices and don’t do anything that could get your fired. Then, observe the following tips for pulling an office dime piece:
1. Be Clear In Your Mind About What You Want
First off, you should be very clear in your own mind about what you want. Obviously this will vary depending on the girl and your situation, but think carefully. A long-term relationship with a colleague is not ideal (unless you’re ready to throw in the towel entirely — hopefully not the majority of ROK readers!) because you’d be together all the time and would have no privacy whatsoever. A quick pump-and-dump, while possible, is not advisable either. The girl might get clingy, leading to all sorts of problems. In my view, the best arrangement is a casual fuck-buddy — a girl willing to engage in no-strings fun from time to time without any hassle or emotional involvement. This is entirely achievable, if you follow my ground rules.
2. Avoid the Colleague-Zone
Similar to the friendzone, the colleague-zone is a feature of the modern working environment that’s easy to fall into, and almost impossible to get out of afterwards. When a new girl starts in an office environment then typically a chode crystal of hungry guys will form around her pretending to be interested in the minutiae of her boring corporate CV. Oh wow, so you used to source market data for agricultural product start-ups? That’s so cool. Cut that shit out right now—don’t be one of those guys. If you start off by making tedious small talk about work, you might as well cut your balls off. She will compartmentalize you as just another workmate and you will get nowhere.
3. Take Your Time: Be Mysterious
Sometimes truly great game is doing nothing. Hang back. Take it easy. Watch others make their mistakes and wait. I usually don’t say a word to a new girl for several weeks. This will mark you out as not thirsty, and also somewhat mysterious. Remember, girls love guys who are unobtainable and who are enigmatic . Be that guy. She will be intrigued — all the other guys have been falling over themselves to take her to lunch or out for cock-heavy, sexless post-work drinks: why haven’t you? Create attraction by refusing to fall into the typical beta frame.
4. Dress Well And Walk Round Like You’re the CEO
‘You can’t play hard to get if you’re hard to want.’ If you’re a scrub, then you can hang back for as long as you like and she’s still not going to be into you. Fortunately the work environment offers almost unparalleled opportunities for dressing and acting like you’re the man.
First off, suit the hell up. Girls love that Don Draper shtick. Many workplaces in the marketing and digital spheres allow their employees to dress down these days, but coming in wearing a pair of ratty chinos and an ill-fitting polo is not going to do you any favors. I’m not going to talk too much here about how to dress (there are plenty of great resources online for this, Christian McQueen’s blog for one), but it’s all about fit and details. Buy a decent quality suit then get it tailored so it’s snug round the waist, shoulders, arms and legs. Wear cuff-links and pocket squares. If you like, experiment with waistcoats and braces. Avoid having everything grey and black — splashes of bright color can be really effective. Good shoes and a good, classic watch will finish off the outfit to a tee.
Once you’ve got your clothes right, think about your posture. I often get comments from girls who say they were attracted to me because of the way that I walk. Think about it like acting — imagine you are a slightly arrogant CEO. How does he walk? Head held high, shoulders back, with a swagger because he doesn’t give a shit what anyone else thinks? Start walking like that yourself immediately. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel congruent with it yet. Just do it. You’ll soon find that your confidence catches up with your physicality. Meanwhile, your snappy dressing and your cocky poise will send out pussy moistening gamma rays to the ladies around you.
5. Be Man to Woman: Avoid Cockblocks
In the early stages, if you pass her in the corridor then simply smirk and fix her with a knowing look. The idea is to establish a flirtatious vibe between you before you’ve even spoken. The external reality of the office structure is immaterial to the alpha male: he sees the women around him not as co-workers but as women.
When you do finally get talking to her, keep it light and jokey in front of other people. Don’t seek approval: just be cool. You are keeping your powder dry for when you are alone together.
Wait for an appropriate moment, then, when she’s alone and you’re both out of earshot, ask her directly to come for a drink, just you and her. Look her in the eye, speak slowly, and leave no doubt in her mind that this is a sexually motivated invitation, rather than a meet-up to discuss the Robson Asher account. Remember, passive cockblocking can be a problem at work—mother hens rise up quickly in offices looking to ‘protect’ younger women they’re jealous of, and even if the girl likes you she may be nervous about looking bad in front of her colleagues, so keep it discreet.
If she rejects you then no problem, back off—nothing lost. If she accepts, then great—game on.
6. Get Sexual Quickly
Take her out for a couple of drinks and escalate quickly. Initiate touch early on and ramp up tactile and verbal flirtation fast. The aim is to get her off the fence and to either reject you quickly or to go to bed with you. Ideally the latter, ideally on the first night. Push for this. If you don’t have sex after the first meet-up, she’ll have time to consider the effects going with you might have on her standing in the company, career, relationships with other colleagues etc. Circumvent all of that by seducing her quickly.
7. Be Very Discreet
Whatever you do, be very, very discreet. Resist the temptation to tell anyone at work what is going on between you too. Typically guys get a lot of validation from telling their buddies about their conquests—the desire to do so can be even greater in work, where you might gain man points for sexing a particularly cute girl. Don’t. If word gets round then the girl will likely retreat and you will have killed the golden goose. No more illicit sessions in the stationary cupboard. Keep it strictly on the down-low between you two. Also, don’t communicate with her via work email—use Whatsapp or Facebook Messenger as normal. Don’t leave a trail. Ideally, no-one at your office should even be aware you know one another. I rarely speak to my girl at work: most of my colleagues would have no idea we are even acquainted. This is how it should be.
8. Pick Your Targets With Care
Standard game advice applies here — don’t use this article as an excuse to fixate on one particular girl at work you’ve been lusting after since the millennium. If you’ve been working together for more than a few months and there is no flirtatious vibe between you then game over — it’s not going to happen. You’re better off going to your local club to game there instead. In fact, you should be doing that already. Work game should never be a mainstay, and the only way you’re going to get good with women in general is by going out a lot and practicing. You can then brings those skills to the table at the office for the right girls. Ideally you want to work on someone who is new and so hasn’t had time to colleague-zone you yet, or better still, someone who works in your building but in an entirely different department. It’s easier to maintain an illusion of mystery that way, and there will be fewer ramifications if things go wrong.
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