I read a piece today titled, 7 Words Women Use to Describe Men (And What They Really Mean). It was fair enough, but I don’t really know or care too much what terms women use to describe men. However, it did inspire my own list. 7 Words Men Use to Describe Women (And What They Really Mean.)

These terms may or may not be familiar to some. These are terms that are used among my social circle of friends and a couple may be somewhat unique to you. While others are pretty universal and well known.

“Shank”

Shank is the absolute bottom of the barrel. Busted, beat, fugly are other more common terms. To be honest, I have only heard this one among friends. But I think it is the perfect descriptor. On the standard 1 to 10 scale these girls are hard 1s or 2s. Never any higher. These poor girls are so hideously grotesque even the most desperate man would rather just beat off before he put his penis anywhere near her. The kind of girl you would not even fuck with a stolen dick. Shank chicks are usually fat, but still somehow have small breasts. Their ass can often be found in the front and you know what they say, “Guys don’t make passes at girls with frontal asses.” I think you get the picture.

goo.gl0LLKj-Uscăciunea-unu-fat-ugly-girl-non-nude-pictures1

“Cute”

Cute girls are usually the more publicly tame and reserved type of female. The prototypical ‘girl next door’, if you will. They dress in a more conservative fashion and wear just the right amount of make-up. Think Zooey Deschanel as the definition of the ‘cute’ girl. These are the girls you are proud to bring home to mom and have the most marriage potential, if you are into that kind of thing. They are extra sexy because when you get a cute girl behind closed doors and bring out that sexy part of her, she becomes hotter than the hottest slut in the club. Cute girls also tend to be a little awkward with themselves, making them even more adorable. My personal favorite.

2009 Film Independents Spirit Awards Arrivals 022109

“Nice”

Fat. If someone uses ‘nice’ as the first and only descriptor, she’s a beluga whale. They may also describe her as having a ‘pretty face’. Red flags all the way.

me_4

“Slut”

Universal term used by men and women alike. While the most obvious trait of a slut is her aptitude for riding dick, it can also be a perception. There are sluts out there that may not be having even half the sex as they are perceived to be. At the end of the day perception is all that matters.  Sluts have very low self-esteem and need constant attention to fill that huge void within their soul. Sadly, they only understand negative attention. The cycle of hopping from dick to dick only worsens the self-loathing as they seek acceptance from men in the only way they know how—sex.

Sluts are usually somewhat physically attractive and suitable for banging (a solid 6 to 7 on the standard scale). Sluts like to go out dressed as provocatively as possible and drink copious amounts of alcohol to deaden their inner pain as well as give them the courage to power through another painful night of despondent sex.

There is also the secret slut who is more outwardly conservative and secretive about her slutiness, but underneath the basic principal of the slut is still intact. Despite the recent explosion in accepted slutty behavior, under no circumstance should you marry or even date  a slut. She will never be able to get enough attention to fill that void, and this will inevitably lead to infidelity.

slut6

 “Skank”

Skanks are essentially the same thing as sluts emotionally, except they are more the white trash or ghetto type of girl. Picture a trailer park slut or inner city beastie. She is always 5 years or so behind in slut fashion and has way too many piercings.  While all sluts have a tendency for tattoos, the skank tattoos are often homemade or of jailhouse variety, commonly on or around the breasts. Skanks still prefer the ‘tramp stamp’ of the early 2000s as well. Misspellings are common and it is not unusual to see a baby portrait resembling some sort of demon like creature. If you thought the slut had daddy issues, the skank has daddy issues that are even too taboo for me to discuss here.

DIRTY_phpOnMlna

“Hot”

Hot is obviously another universally accepted term used by men and women alike. This is but more subjective as everyone may have their own version of what they deem hot. To me nothing is ‘hotter’ than that cute, awkward girl behind closed doors. But most guys would say ‘hot’ is somewhere between an 8 and 9 on the standard scale. Usually hot girls know they are hot and it makes them enormous pains in the ass with an even more entitled attitude than average women.

Hot women are good for eye candy and sex, but to date one is a prodigious task that is usually not worth the reward. She usually brings nothing to the table except her looks and those fade. Being deemed ‘hot’ she never had to cultivate  personality or intelligence as everything has always been handed to her. She is often dull and vapid. Attention is her goal and loyalty is not a priority. There are always exceptions, of course, but in general hot women are a hassle and only worth short term companionship. Often times hot girls are deceptively hot. Meaning once the make-up is off and the body enhancing clothes are removed, she is actually couple points lower. ‘Hot’ tends to be an overused term thrown around too freely.

minka-kelly-hot-girl

“Smoking”

I don’t subscribe to the mentality that there women out there that are universal 10s. A 10 is basically an 8 or 9 that fits your own personal tastes the best. Say you are into red heads. A 9 red head is going to be a 10 to you while to me she may be an 8 or 9, but definitely not a 10. But ‘smoking’ is the top of the scale, no question.

Bonus: “Thick”

I was only going to do 7 but as I was writing I remembered my other favorite, ‘thick,’ used to describe a girl with a little extra meat on her bones for something to grab onto.  A lot of guys, like myself, enjoy this. I especially enjoy a thick ass and legs. But here is where it gets dangerous. First, usually a thick girl is a Twinkie or two from disaster. There is a thin line there, unless it is that rare fitness thickie.  More often than not a thick girl is curvy in all the right places. The catch, she only has a window of maybe ten years before it goes south, literally. They need to work extra hard to maintain that shape.

Women who describe themselves as ‘thick’ need to understand the difference between ‘thick’ and just plain ‘fat’. Don’t describe your body type as thick when your ass resembles my 40 inch flat screen as opposed to Beyonce. See the difference? Thick is curvy and firm, fat is flat and gelatinous. That is just hard truth and it’s important that we all know the difference. I can’t stand when fatties call themselves thick. Thick girls buy their jeans at Forver 21, fatties buy theirs at Best Buy.

8JCrsYE

Read MoreA Basic Glossary Of Americhick Words