I noticed long ago that when I’m aloof and emotionally unavailable, women go crazy for me and want me to be their boyfriend, sometimes even obsessing over me. Conversely, when I make my interest apparent, and am what they say they want, a “nice guy,” they tend to find me needy or clingy, and soon enough get bored and move on to the next guy who will get them excited, at least for a little while. There used to be exceptions to this grim rule, however, and every few months or years I’d enter into a fulfilling relationship with a quality woman, who didn’t punish me for being a human being with feelings or what she said she wanted.

Yet in the last few years I have found virtually no exceptions: if I don’t run aloof game, I am not successful—simple as that. I am 33, and though I don’t look as good as I did at 23, I am still a pretty attractive guy who has his life together and some game to boot. So I must surmise that the explanation for this lies not with me, but with women. And it is clear what is at work here: as more and more players and even ordinary men are realizing, women in 2014 have even more options with respect to dating than they did only five years ago. The other night I was on a date with a mere 7 who remarked that her POF account had over 100 unread messages.

I sometimes try to imagine the incessant attention attractive women now get thanks to social media and all the dating sites and apps, and it is simply staggering. Meanwhile, as their options increase, it is the opposite for us men: more men pursuing them means more competition for us. Hence the increase in flaking and women simply losing interest in quality men who have not even done anything to turn them off. For women, dating is like one of those cable packages with 300 channels. There’s always something new to check out, and so they do.

If you want to see what American women are like today, it’s illuminating to look closely at the body language of the many attractive women on POF, OKC, etc., paying especial attention to their lips and eyes, features which are so expressive, and therefore revealing. The women almost invariably have a smug, self-satisfied, haughty look, which goes perfectly with the generic narcissism in their profile descriptions. “Can you keep up?” is probably the most common question in these profiles, since, after all, the little Instagram celebrity is always zipping off to do something oh so cool and important.

Today I have to work a lot harder than ever to keep up a rotation, or even to have an ongoing FWB who won’t simply fade out of my life for no clear reason and without any explanation. This was not the case even five years ago, but, given the course our highly technological and feminized culture is on, women’s options and power are increasing each year. Human beings are naturally full of unrealistic expectations concerning happiness and their wants generally, and now that they get so much attention from such a variety of men, most attractive western women are not going to settle for anything less than perfection. Of course, that doesn’t exist, so what these women are really waiting for is the wall of their 30s. And yet they will continue to be insanely picky until that sad time suddenly arrives.

Nor has there ever been such a lack of propriety in women. Flaking, again, is rampant, and getting worse every year. Likewise, once they have decided they no longer want to see you, women will simply cease contact with you, without any pangs of conscience. And yet, we still often hear that there are no gentleman anymore. But in the days when there were gentlemen, there were also ladies: the two held together a complementary social code, and it is incoherent to expect men to be gentleman when you can’t even be bothered to let us know where we stand in regard to you, however “awkward” it may be to do so.

We can understand what is going on here by viewing it as the high cost of freedom. Human beings, at base, are bundles of monstrous egotism; we need societal constraints because without them, we will incline to pursue our own interests without any regard for the effects on others. This is basically what attractive women are able to do today, so the question for us men is, how can we best make our way in this condition that is so overwhelmingly difficult?

Give women the masochism they crave

“Why won’t he call me?” “Will he ever call me?” “Does he just want me for sex?” On the surface, it would seem awful for a woman to be asking herself these questions. After all, she wants a “nice guy,” she says. But in truth, modern western women are fundamentally perverse, and far from wanting a nice guy, what they really want is to be emotionally tortured by a man who is as cold and taciturn as Clint Eastwood in his movies.

The long, drawn out agony of wondering when you will call, and why you don’t want to be her boyfriend, is in fact the romantic ideal, despite all the empty talk about the desirability of nice guys and gentleman. The ugly truth is that in today’s dating scene attractive women thrive on emotional deprivation. If you think I am wrong, run both aloof game and sincere, nice guy game: I assure you that the former will almost always work, while the latter almost always will not. I’ve been in the game for about ten years. I run night game, day game, and internet game in one of the largest cities in the country. So I have a massive amount of confirmation that what women want most of all is to be tortured by the rare man who doesn’t want them. Guys who aren’t this way are nothing but white knights and beta orbiters, on hand only to be used and to inflate women’s vile egos.

Women also want physical masochism. Have you ever noticed that when you let out a groan as a woman is sucking your dick, she groans in response? The reason is that female sexuality is extraordinarily receptive. A woman’s pleasure corresponds to your thrusts. She is passive while you are active. When I pick up a woman before throwing her down on the bed, she usually squeals with delight as soon as she feels herself being taken control of by me. I’ve never known a woman who didn’t like to be pounded hard, to have her hair pulled, to be spanked, and so on. But many women have told me that in their experience, most guys are afraid to do this stuff. These well-meaning men don’t want to hurt their little princess.

Don’t be afraid. While it is necessary today to hold back emotionally, when it comes to sex you need to be very forward and at least somewhat aggressive. I am not talking about punching women in the face or anything like that, but the more you physically overwhelm her, the greater will be the woman’s arousal. As a result, her pleasure will be greater than that which she has had with most men, so that she will want to come back for more.

You may also be able to get some women emotionally hooked on you by employing the following trick that has worked for me over the years. For this, it helps to be a big, muscular, well-hung guy, but if you aren’t one, do your best anyway. Get in the missionary position. Now wrap your arms tight around your girl’s torso while smothering her face with your chest and shoulders. Plunge your dick as deep into her as possible, and hold it there for a while. Now start pounding, while keeping her completely enveloped. Now and then free one arm up in order to take hold of her hair and pull her head back. Last as long as you can. There seems to be something about the intense dominance and intimacy of this position that weakens women and makes them attached to you.

Of course, though giving women the emotional and physical masochism they crave is the best game you can run in 2014, there are no guarantees that this will work or that the women you run it on will stay with you. When I was in my early 20s, women my age actually showed emotion and wanted to enjoy you the person. Today, young women are conditioned to be players, though that’s an easier game for them to play than it is for us. I am frequently shocked by how easily young women can have sex without feelings and how they do not feel at all attached. They really are as coarse as the coarsest men around. In short, the dating scene has changed a lot in recent years, and in all ways it has been for the worse.

Read More: Why Contrary Game is Necessary