We all know him. He doesn’t want to talk to girls because “no good girls go to bars.” Once your group gets him out, he’s the one buying drinks to get women to interact with him, and engaging them in boring conversation. When he finally gets a girlfriend (who he usually meets through work or online dating), he’ll skip out on sporting events, poker nights, and other masculine spaces that are necessary for men to maintain their sanity and the identity of their sex.
He’s the relationship guy. Not only is he immediately willing to subjugate his interests to those of a woman, but he will also trumpet this as a part of his identity that prevents him from running game on girls, becoming a “player,” or generally improving himself at all. The key phrase to listen for is when they brag about being “good at relationships” or “built for relationships,” despite nearly every past relationship ending in being cheated on, mistreated, or taken advantage of by their girlfriend.
After much observation, I have concluded that men who self-identify as being “good at relationships” inevitably have terrible game and should be avoided in general. Here are 4 reasons not to allow this type of man into your inner circle:
1. They are experts at lying to themselves
The “good at relationships” label is a weak excuse for these men to reduce cognitive dissonance about their lack of success with women. They can’t attract high-quality girls or keep girls interested, so they have to believe that their “skill” with women only presents itself under limited circumstances. This mentality acts as a barrier to personal growth.
2. They can’t see that they are inherently supporting a contradiction
Being “good at relationships” is a self-contradictory term. The men who use it congratulate themselves for putting effort into relationships, which shows they are implicitly valuing the relationship more than their partner. This paradoxically means that they are unskilled at relationships with women, who thrive on masculine energy and are aroused by having to seek a strong man’s approval. Herbs who fawn over them in support of an ersatz Hollywood-driven relationship ideal repulse them, and relationships with these types of men will either be short and brutal, or long and dreary. Despite repeated failure when pedestalizing girls, “relationship guys” never learn this lesson.
3. They are followers
Modern societal programming tells men that they should be subservient to the women in their lives. Despite hundreds of thousands of years of evolution as the stronger and more capable sex, men today are all too willing to give their balls away for the chance at some physical intimacy. Even more disgusting is that many men today actually wish to be bossed around by a woman and will gladly give up their agency even in the absence of sexual gratification
4.They are selling themselves short
It’s often said that men are the gatekeepers of commitment. Why, then, would a valuable man openly advertise that he prefers to give away this value rather than save it for someone worthy? It’s just as inherently undesirable for long-term commitment as a women who gives her body away freely. Behavioral economics experiments confirm that pricing influences our valuation of a good, and men who act as if their commitment is worthless will be treated as such.
The correct frame to hold is that only a select few girls are given the privilege to discover a man’s immense value in a relationship context. On the rare occasions that I have a girlfriend, I know which attraction buttons to push while maintaining a counterbalance of aloofness and vulnerability that keeps them coming back. Why would I give this away for free? The men who are truly “good at relationships” would only display the skill after a girl gives significant value of her own through traits (sweetness, kindness, nurturing, loyalty) other than her sexuality.
It’s tempting to talk your fellow man out of this frame, but the vast majority of the time you will be wasting your breath. It’s easier to simply avoid these types of men for close friendships, or in any major role in your life. While players have the bad reputation for pussy begging, it is the “good at relationships” guy who is more likely to sell you out for the approval of a woman.
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