The Golden Rule Works

First a little disclosure. I’m a minister. Let’s try that again.  I’m a prison minister. We are trained theologians who work in a dangerous environment. We often come from diverse and unpleasant backgrounds. We use salty language and we are just as ready to fight as preach—because we have to be. Your average parishioner will not stab you with a sharpened toothbrush handle if you annoy him enough, mine will.

I come from, and work in, a place of harsh absolutes. Please don’t mistake my roughness for a lack of love.

Doesn’t like condescension. True story.

I know that many of those reading this article are not believers and that’s groovy. I’m not trying to convert you. Evangelism is not my calling. I’m here because I hate it when bitter and unethical people try to misuse yet another perfectly good and logical teaching to undermine a simple Biblical truth.

When someone says, “Remember the Golden Rule” in an attempt to shame you for standing up for order over chaos, I hope that this little article will give you the confidence to say, “I always do.” Not because you are a passive doormat but because you understand that “Do unto others…” has two valid components: Call for Mercy and Chastisement of the Foolish. The weak and the cowardly deliberately avoid the latter function.

Tarnished Gold

“Do unto others as you would have done unto you.”

For as long as I can remember, and long before I became a chaplain, The Golden Rule has been applied by the weak as a stick to batter the strong.  The cringing and narcissistic may set up the paradigm in one of the following ways:

“You can’t call me out for jumping in line because you don’t like being yelled at.” Head-exploding cognitive dissonance is required to ignore that I also wouldn’t want someone jumping in front of me after hours of waiting.

“You have to forgive me for stealing from you because you would want forgiveness.” No. I would want correction for being a thief. And how does calling out your crime, or even punishing you for it, mean I can’t simultaneously forgive you? Nice try.

“Do you want all your problems handled with force? Huh? Well? Do you?” No. Only the ones that require it. It would be an awkward life if we had to slap people for common activities like making a sandwich. I’m not even sure what that question means or how they conflated “resistance to idiocy” with violence.

Since a plurality of churches teach this same false and morally bankrupt interpretation, most of the people you know will agree with the line jumper in the above example. Somehow you are the one who gets stink eye for demanding civil behavior from others. In a mind-bending paradox, you are seen as barbaric. Their twisted take on the Golden Rule requires a deep belief that nothing is inherently worth fighting over and no one has any interest in becoming a better person.

None of this is surprising. The increasingly liberal church has been misquoting, or simply fabricating Biblical concepts for years. I would run out of pixels exploring the judgmental, greedy, emasculating and anti-Biblical teachings found in almost any street corner “church.” Throw a rock and you will hit some clergyman on his money grubbing head who has made a false biblical claim for such obvious fallacies as…

• God doesn’t believe in capital punishment
• God doesn’t believe in self defense
• Using good judgment is the same as being judgmental

All these misinterpretations are deliberate and have a central theme: Standing up for anything is wrong. Standing up forcefully for anything is evil or, more simply, being masculine is wrong. You notice it’s never a biker, cage fighter, fireman, or soldier who pulls this tarnished “gold” out of their asses. It is always the weak, the guilty, and the demonstrably immoral.

As a result, the physically, mentally or spiritually strong members of our society may look at the Golden Rule as a leash, used ruthlessly by the weak and immoral to insure that everyone feels as awful about themselves as they do. Seeing no upside to the scenario, they may opt to ignore the rule entirely and fail to activate its greatest benefit: The instantaneous enhancement of a moral and polite society regardless of faith or religion.

It Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Means

The last time a line jumper got in front of me (with his whole family) I called them all out and told them to get to the back of the line. The beta-male “father” of this group of rude, aggressive douche-hats adopted a threatening pose and told me I had better “relax.”

In my most compassionate and ministerial voice, I told him I would beat him until his skin didn’t fit if he decided to pursue the use of force.

He left and took his brood with him. But what about the crowd of people in line? Did they not appreciate that I stood up for order and common decency? No, they thought I was an asshole and said as much under their collective breath. Any form of resistance is repulsive to the weak. But I didn’t care. I believe in the Golden Rule as it is meant to be practiced. And the truth is; I did that man and his family a favor. They objectively needed to change their abusive and entitled behaviors and discomfort is the only guaranteed method of achieving change.

Just ask anybody who used to be fat.

Slap a fool for Jesus

The upcoming body slam is brought to you by the Golden Rule

If I was mishandling a gun and somebody snatched it from my hand and slapped me in my stupid face before declaring, “What are you trying to do, moron, kill everybody in the fucking room?” I would like to think I would be man enough to know that this Good Samaritan had just Slapped Some Jesus™ into me.

The Prince of Peace was gentle, but  not a pacifist. He took a whip to folks and got into at least one recorded brawl. Did He think violence solved problems?

Well, yeah… occasionally. Just read about His forecasted return for further clarification.

I’m not saying that offering a beat-down to every rude person you meet is the way to go. That kind of behavior just advertises deep weakness and insecurity. What I am saying is that calling someone out, when you really need to, for the benefit of themselves and society is exactly what the Golden Rule was written for. When the weak and false-minded assail you with, “Did you have to be so harsh with your nephew? I mean, what about the Golden Rule?” you should be able to stand up and say, “Well, if I was a lying, drug addicted, little turd, I would hope someone would do me the favor of pointing it out. Otherwise that would be a terrible way to go through life.”

Ding! Golden Rule validated!

Why? Because “Do unto others as you would have done unto you” works both ways. If men start using The Rule as it was meant to be used—not only to offer mercy, but provide needed correction—then those that try to abuse it as a weapon will soon find themselves on the wrong end of another misused beta-favorite. “He who lives by the sword…”

Read More: The Worst Advice Ever For Strong Men