In 1865 Paraguay began a war with Uruguay, Argentina, and Brazil. Paraguay’s leader at the time, Carlos Antonio López, decided to fight until the death…

Because López had drafted every man in Paraguay, there was no labour to work the fields, and starvation set in. Many who subsisted on bitter wild oranges succumbed to cholera, malaria and dysentery. As able-bodied men died, López recruited a new army of wounded and child soldiers. He armed them with sticks painted to look like guns, disguising the youngsters with fake beards. The army’s original red uniforms had dwindled to rags; rain seeped through ponchos made of shredded carpets. Eventually they fought naked.

López’s refusal to give all almost wiped out Paraguay’s population

According to a rough-and-ready post-war census, just 29,000 males over the age of 15 were left in Paraguay. One observer called the survivors “living skeletons…shockingly mutilated with bullet and sabre wounds”. Jaguars roamed freely and feasted on human flesh. Women wandered the streets naked.

This is no doubt horrendous, but I couldn’t help but imagine what it would have been like to be one of the 29,000 males who survived. Once there was some stabilization, and women were ready to have sex again, the ensuing party must have been amazing.

One reason for the mangina and white knight phenomenon we have in America today is that that the male to female ratio has shot to the moon due to lack of horrible wars that could dispose of excess males. This is great for all of us who don’t have to fight in wars and risk death, but now we have to fight war into the sexual marketplace to get sex. While I wouldn’t wish for men of my country to die in war so that I could get laid more easily, that was a clear benefit for surviving males of the past that we no longer get to experience. Yesterday’s cannon fodder is now your competition in the club today.

How about this for a thought experiment: a new virus attacks only the male penis and results in an ebola-like illness that kills 95% of all men on Earth. You are one of the lucky 5% who survive. Your male family and friends are all dead. Utilities are no longer running and even the internet has shut down. The world seems to be crumbling around you, but now when you step out of the house, you see nothing but females who wonder if they will ever be with a man again.

They seem to act like friendly zombies when they see you—running up to ask if you need help, if you’re alone, and if you want some baked goods. They compliment you on your “strength” for surviving and even your appearance, something that rarely happened before the virus.

All the post-apocalyptic females seem to close the deal in the same way, asking if you could come over to their apartment to change the batteries on their radio. In the next year you end up having so much sex that your dick is in a permanent state of rawness, and you’ve lost count how many children you’ve sired, none of which you are required to provide for.

Is this scenario true happiness for men? Or is just something we’d get used to and eventually tire of? I’m not entirely sure, but I wouldn’t mind experiencing it just to see.

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