Culture Happytopia3

January 23rd, 2013

Welcome To Post-Gender Happytopia®!

By

Welcome to Post-Gender Happytopia®, the most non-offensive, gender role-free theme park in the Person’s Republic of PoliticallyCorrectia (formerly Sweden)! Won’t you please step inside? Care for a glass of warm soy milk? You’re very welcome! Please remember to check your privilege at the door.

Sweden-Toys-R-Us-Ad

As you can see, we’ve renovated our theme park to remove the phallic Gender Construct Towers and replaced them with non-offensive NeuterDomes. Feel free to pick out your very own pair of cargo shorts from our Gender-Neutral Gift Shop! They come in XL or XXL. No, I’m afraid we don’t have smaller sizes here in Happytopia®. Please check your thin privilege. Thank you. While we’re here, would you like to purchase a Non Gender-Specific Androgny Playset™ for your BoyGirl or GirlBoy? S/he will certainly derive a government-mandated amount of enjoyment should you choose to do so!

Time for the next section of our tour – the Patriarchy Zoo™! Please enter NeuterDome 573b. Inside, we have the last existing specimen of the “Y” chromosome safely contained behind three feet of BPA plastic. Please feel free to purchase a soy bar from the vending machine in order to assist handlers with feeding “him.” Oh my goodness! I see that “he” displayed unnecessary male privilege in your general direction. I’m sorry for any oppression you may have experienced! Please take a complimentary Estrogen Pill. You’re welcome.

Let’s make a quick pit stop at the Happytopia® Restroom just in case you’ve consumed a little too much soy milk. You’ll notice that we’ve done away with phallocentric urinals and replaced them with oppression-free unisex bathrooms. Remember to urinate while sitting!

Next up it’s the Happytopia® PC Respect ‘N Reeducation Classroom™, located in NeuterDome 4C12E. Please sign up for the class of your choice. Thank you. We offer topics such as:

  • Polyamory 101: Love Thy Neighbor
  • The Incorrect Wrongness Of Heteronormativity
  • Practical Application Of Guilt In Everyday Life
  • Gynecomastia And You
  • History of the Skrillex Haircut

I regret to inform you that we’re nearly finished. I hope you’ve enjoyed your tour through Post-Gender Happytopia®, and remember to schedule your mandatory sex-reassignment surgery before you make your way back to your Volkswagen Beetle. Thank you!

Read More: The Anti-Male Commercial


About the Author

was the world's greatest humor columnist. His dead spirit now resides in Valhalla, battling eternally with sword in hand and a wench on each knee.

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