As the host of the Beige Phillip Show, learned pimp sage Dante Nero continues the work of Patrice O’Neal in his podcast, helping men to GYBB (“get your balls back”) in dating, game, and relationships. Dante drops pearls of game wisdom such as “Everybody gets got,” “All bitches are crazy” and “Always put yourself first” during this weekly one-hour program on self-development from an intellectual and socio-sexual perspective. Dante himself has slept with over 1000 women and has the wisdom to show for it. This man knows the hustle.

I was working my way through the show’s back catalog recently, and was struck by how game knowledge in the manosphere and Dante’s wisdom have virtually converged on a particular set of best practices. For example, a listener wrote in to ask this question: “Should I go to church with a chick to get in her pants?”

When I heard this question I immediately blurted out a particular phrase at my computer, and in true Beige/Black Phillip fashion, Dante knocked it out of the park. His advice boiled down to one principle that you cannot forget in your quest to control your frame with women:

 “Only if you want to.”

Sure, go to the church with the girl, but only if it’s something you want to do independently of her request.The reasons for this are twofold. First, subjugating your wants and needs for anyone else makes you a weak person, independent of whether you’re doing it for a girl. Second, women have incredible powers of intuition in this area. If you do something you don’t want to do, she will invariably sense that you’re making an exception for her, which lowers your value in her eyes. Women will only forgive so many of these slip-ups, and the earlier in the interaction you are, the more unforgiving they will be.

“Only if you want to” works so well because women almost never reward a guy who sucks up to them, instead going with the men who are confident and decisive in their self-interested actions. In the days of Black Philip, Patrice used to call this a “righteous” feeling—you have to do it with full confidence because it stems from your needs and desires, and without shame of its potential impact on others. Dante makes the excellent point that even if you get the bang, you’ve still been pimped because you put your needs second in line just to get some tail. Dante continues:

“You do not do things to get pussy. You have to understand your value. If a chick falls in love with you, it’s because you’re loveable. She is not doing you a favor. You have acted in ways that warrant love. Her giving you love is a result. If a bitch says ‘Damn you’re amazing,’ you’re right bitch! All she’s doing is recognizing what is already there […] I’m not getting goofy because you think I’m loveable. And if you don’t, you’re just not smart enough to get it.”

This concept is a central tenet of game, and gives beginners an excellent guide in many situations where they tend to have difficulty controlling their frame. Nascent players can memorize all the lines in the book and approach aggressively, but only when they realize it’s more productive to act in their own self-interest over the long term will they reach the intermediate and advanced stages.

Everybody does things for girls, but make no mistake : even the nicest of niceguys have that feeling in the pit of their stomach, the one that men are taught not to pay attention to, that you only get when you know you’re getting played—whether that’s giving a girl a ride to see another guy, buying her a drink after just meeting her so she sticks around, or going to some event with her when you’d rather stay home and read a book. In my blue pill days I would smother any prospect with attention because that’s what conventional “game” told me was the best practice. Even then, though, I felt deep inside me that what I was doing was counterproductive, but I had no rational framework that allowed me to accept that feeling.

This guiding principle now provides part of that framework. If I’m legitimately having a nice time (especially in a foreign country) I’ll buy a drink for a girl, not because I think it will directly help me to seduce her, but rather because I appreciate her company and I enjoy being generous to those who bring me value. I’ll buy a girl a gift because I think it will bring her happiness, or call her randomly when I think she needs cheering up. But always because it’s something that my will and desires dictate. Women will always respond much more to small tokens delivered in a righteous ways than grandiose gestures that are done from a place of weakness. Dante knows this, Patrice knew it, and the longer you’re in the game, the more it will become obvious.

For discussion on this and myriad other game topics, I strongly recommend that you check out the Beige Phillip podcast. Along with Return of Kings and a select few other sites, it’s one of the few real-talk resources out there for men looking to elevate their game.

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