Women Don’t Care Where You Get Your Money As Long As You Spend It On Them

If you were to ask me what percent of the loans that came across my desk were worthy of funding, I would say in 15 years and out of literally thousands of applications—5.

There were really only 5 people I would have lent money to.

The rest were either on the brink of bankruptcy, insolvent, or hopeless financial wrecks that had no capacity to ever pay us back.

But while you may be envisioning poor wrecks, bums off the street, truly destitute people applying for loans, the truth is most of the applicants were very well dressed, all drove luxury imported cars, and always seemed to have a trophy wife or trophy girlfriend.  Of course when I was younger I didn’t get it.  I couldn’t understand why beautiful, young ladies would be attracted to old, financially insolvent shysters who pissed away their money.  But as I aged I realized that for the most part, these girls were too naive and stupid to be able to read a balance sheet, let alone know the difference between debt and equity spending.  And thus, when these frauds inevitably filed for bankruptcy and had to sell the house, it was a shocker to “Bambi the Trophy Wife Ditz” and she would invariably leave the man.  Therefore, when I wrote my first book about the housing crisis I came up with a financial dictum:

“Women don’t know the difference between debt and equity spending.”

However, allow me to introduce two items.  One, this article by Dr. Helen.  In it she cites a study where men with fancy cars enjoy a success rate of 24% when approaching women.  Men with “average cars” enjoy a rate of about half that.  And men with “poor cars” only succeed about 8% of the time.  Two, a buddy of mine who I just recently saw at the gym.  He’s a great guy.  Hard worker, but doesn’t have a ton of money.  Matter of fact asked me about some financial advice.  But why then, when leaving the gym, did I see his car which is a luxury car?  He can barely afford it, and if he got rid of it most of his financial problems would go away.

Then it hit me. Not only do women not know the difference between debt and equity spending, but…

they don’t care.

Once you spend money on a woman realize you have forfeited all ownership and control of that money.  You can’t get your money back when she eats it in the form of sushi or drinks it in the form of a flirtini.  You can’t get your money back when you buy her fake tits.  And you can’t get your money back when you sign up for that 3 year, 36,000 limited mile lease on that luxury car so she can parade herself in front of all her female friends.  In other words, women don’t care how you got the money, as long as you spend it on them.

Sadly as the study Dr. Helen cites and the empirical behavior of women proves, women use men’s spending as a screening tool to select the “best man.”  This presents a problem because it can easily result in an escalating arms race where men have to outspend each other.  This can spiral out of control as men sacrifice their financial stability (and futures) all to hopefully get a little play in the end.  Worse still it provides a sexual and psychological disincentive to be fiscally austere and frugal which is what every 20 something and 30 something man should be, arguably until death.

So what is a horny little 20 something man to do?

First, realize the way to win the game is not to play.  Unless you are truly rich, you cannot afford to play this game.  Inevitably you will run out of money and will not be able to keep up the facade.  It is a lose-lose situation and you are putting girls ahead of yourself if you do decide to play.

Second, faux-play this game on the cheap.  You can always wear fancy clothes.  You can always groom yourself to look like a million bucks.  You can always make it look like you have money without having to resort to blowing $50,000 on a car.  Choose the cheap options to make you look rich, not the expensive ones.

Third, aim to be the badboy.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, bad boy motorcyclist trumps 42 year old investment banker.  This means lifting weights, maybe getting a tattoo, and learning to ride a motorcycle.  It also means getting all the commensurate attire that goes with it.  Leather vest, pumped arms, you basically want to look like Danny from “Counts Kustoms.”  It may take effort, but it’s infinitely cheaper and infinitely better for your checkbook to be a bad boy than a fake Country Club, BMW-driving poser.

You follow that advice and not only will you avoid the self-destructive spending-arms race, you’ll avoid becoming the hated $30K Millionaire.

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