To the girls of OkCupid:
Let me be the first to thank you for your participation in what has been history’s largest, and most unflinchingly honest, female beauty pageant. Though you didn’t realize it, by creating your online dating profile, you put yourself in the running for the coveted title of, “OkCupid’s Most Attractive (read: bangable) Girl.”
OkCupid didn’t tell you about this because they never intended to release the results—but I got my hands on the list of winners, so I’m going to do it for them, starting with the hottest girls of OkCupid Los Angeles.
How did this happen?
Before the results, a note on procedure. This ranking is based solely on data pulled directly from OkCupid. It represents the collective wisdom of thousands of men judging thousands of girls in the Los Angeles area. Whenever a man visits a girl’s profile (or vice versa) or views in it OkCupid’s ‘Quickmatch’ game, he can rate her on a 1–5 scale; see below.
Girls: while your account was active, hundreds if not thousands of men rated you based on your looks and written responses. OkCupid kept meticulous track of their judgements.
All the many ratings your profile received were averaged so that—in the proud tradition of oppressor males everywhere—the guys who built OkCupid could reduce your attractiveness to a single number on the 1-10 scale. They used that number to rank you against other girls in your area.
Gaggles of chicks flocked to OkCupid and, over time, the cream rose. In this no-holds barred competition of female value, there were winners, and there were a helluva lot of losers.
The girls here are the winners. They had the 25 highest ratings in Los Angeles when I pulled the numbers, and they provide an illuminating look at what men find attractive, when asked in the privacy of their own dating profiles.
To be eligible to win, a girl had to:
- like guys
- be between 18 and 49
- live within 25 miles of Los Angeles
- and have a photo
I tossed all such girls into the mix, and here’s what came out. For each of the 25 winners below, there’s one profile picture and a representative quote from her profile text. I’m keeping the screen names to myself, because I’m a selfish bastard. Plus, privacy concerns or some shit.
If you were among the losers, take note:tThere’s much to be learned through observing your betters. For your benefit, I’ve included a quiz at the end to gauge your comprehension of the material presented below.
The 25 Hottest Girls of OkCupid Los Angeles
#25 (tie) – age 20
#25 (tie) – age 18
#25 (tie) – age 18
#25 (tie) – age 24
#25 (tie) – age 24
#24 – age 19
#23 – age 43
#21 (tie) – age 22
#21 (tie) – age 22
#19 (tie) – age 25
#19 (tie) – age 20
#14 (tie) – age 26
#14 (tie) – age 24
#14 (tie) – age 24
#14 (tie) – age 19
#14 (tie) – age 18
#9 (tie) – age 23
#9 (tie) – age 23
#9 (tie) – age 23
#9 (tie) – age 20
#9 (tie) – age 20
#7 (tie) – age 24
#7 (tie) – age 22
#6 – age 19
#3 (tie) – age 23
#3 (tie) – age 22
#3 (tie) – age 18
#2 – age 19
#1 – age 18
Final Assessment
There is a lesson behind all these pictures. Take this quiz to see how well you’ve internalized it:
1. Recall that girls ages 18 to 49 were eligible to win. Expressed as a percentage, how many of the winners were 22 or younger? 25 or older?
2. By the standards of 2014 America, how many of the winners qualify as “thin” or “skinny”? How many are “curvy,” “full-figured,” “overweight,” or have “a little extra”?
3. How many of these winners have pixie cuts?
4. How many have visible tattoos?
5. How many have gaps between their thighs? How many have holes in their Lululemons?
6. How many appear to have distinguished themselves based on their intellect, eloquence, experience, confidence, professional success, maturity, political / social awareness, grrrl power, or other qualities not visible to the naked eye?
7. Speaking of naked, how many of these girls appear uncomfortable showing skin or presenting themselves as sex objects for the gratification of men?
EXTRA CREDIT: Briefly, if the offense is not too great, consider girl #23. In order from most important to least important, rank the following factors that might have contributed to her high score:
- Visible cleavage
- Promise of fast, no-investment sex
- Redhead fetishism
- Thirsty simps
- All other components of male sexual attraction combined
If you struggled on the quiz, check this list of L.A.’s 20 runners up for remedial instruction in what men actually value in girls. Others of you can go here to learn more about how this ranking was compiled.
Read More: The 5 Commandments Of Online Dating
