All Girls Are Like Shopping Carts
You will find many similar carts clustered together in one place. To take her you will usually have to have some coin.
Carts—or trolleys as we call them in Europe—are all very similar and hard to tell apart. Generally they are cheap and nasty, but usually come with brightly colored plastic and are emblazoned with some logo or other to identify her value and origin.
The cart doesn’t belong to you, she will always return to the cluster of other carts.
A cart is not choosy about who uses her. She may be brand new, or she may have been used hundreds of times without you knowing. She does not come with a list of previous users.
If you pick one at random without paying attention, you may find someone else has had their junk in her and left her all filthy. As you can see, some people like to pack a lot of meat into their cart. Others may have been used by losers.
When you begin pushing your shopping cart you will notice her rattling and making noise, this is normal. Consider it background noise you must tolerate. Don’t talk to her too much, or you may find yourself going mad. You may even end up depressed and homeless like our friend below.
So long as you keep pushing, she will keep moving. As soon as you stop, she will stop. You must constantly put in effort to make any progress with your shopping cart.
If you push her away, she will just whizz off into the distance with no direction or navigational skills. Someone else will soon come along and start pushing her in your place.
Unless you put things into her, she will remain empty. Be careful because shopping carts often seem to collect many expensive and impulsive items you don’t really need, but have to pay for anyway.
If you leave her unattended, someone might take her or she might roll away all on her own. If this happens you may be liable for any damage she causes, and you may lose all the nice items you placed into her care.
A cart or trolley cannot hold lose change. Small items will just fall through and disappear. It also cannot hold any liquids. If you are foolish enough to try to entrust her with your liquidity, you will soon have none left.
She has a special slot, which flaps open. You can put a small child in here.
If you lose control of your cart she might scratch your car or bruise your shin.
Older or heavily used carts often have defects making them hard to get along with. Despite your best efforts they will go in strange directions, jam up completely, or tip over.
Carts are not great vehicles. Their small wheels mean they will only roll on smooth surfaces. Some have squeaky wheels and just won’t shut up.
If you leave them outside they will age much faster. Carts prefer to stay inside or under cover. They always need to be taken care of.
You can try to take one home and keep her for yourself. Although she can be fun for an evening in the long run you will find her clumsy, unwieldy and relatively useless.
If you do take one home with you, someone who considers themselves her rightful owner, may come looking for her. The police may even want to know why you took the cart home.
Your friends might have fun riding her, but she may get upset.
Some men are able to push large numbers of carts, but even they say that carts are ultimately quite dull and all the same.
If you are a big fan of shopping carts as I am, you might want to consider opening your own mini supermarket. Then you will have access to and control of the carts whenever you please. A damaged one will not be an issue you can simply replace her. If a few go missing you will have plenty more where that came from or can canvass for replacements.
Appoint an old madam to keep them in order and you’ll never have to go shopping again.
Read Next: Women Are Like Bread