A few months ago I was gaming with one of my friends in my favorite bar. Shortly after last call I was ready to start heading home empty-handed. We are lining up for our coats and suddenly I hear a familiar language: it wasn’t mine, but still pretty close. The guy in question was surrounded by three blond nurses and I casually struck up a conversation with him. He seemed like an okay dude and introduced me to the nurses. Outside of the bar, we are discussing with the girls what the afterparty will be like when finally they invite us over to their place to get a ‘glass of wine.’

Nothing happened that night (believe me it wasn’t for a lack of trying) besides getting drunk for free, but I discovered that the new guy and I shared the same musical tastes and general sense of humor. We decided to hang out again and game some girls. Not that I would have suspected it when I met him, but this guy turns chicks crazy. They literally throw themselves at him, stop at their tracks to try and gain his attention, give him the look—you know the drill. The first time we went to game together I thought it was going to be majestic. He would attract the hounds and I would reap whichever crops were left for the picking.

This wasn’t an especially noble idea, but regardless I thought I might have struck gold. While we had great chemistry with perfectly complimenting skill sets—he was at ease with direct approaches on the dancefloor and I was more comfortable with indirect at the bar—something didn’t feel right. Somehow, most times that we would approach a set of two girls, I wasn’t getting any attention whatsoever. I couldn’t pinpoint doing anything different than usual, so I assumed my new wingman had something to do with it.

After some time I realized what was happening: the girls were getting greedy. They would try to ‘fight’ each other over him, leaving me none of the scraps I thought I’d be getting. Approaching by myself held much greater success —several orders of magnitude above—than with him as a wingman. In short:

Be wary of a wingman that drives women crazy just by seeing him. You might see your ability to swoop women significantly impaired.

Instead of giving up, I persevered and continued our outings together. And while ‘notch-wise’ it was a very dry period in my life, what I learned was priceless: I got to see firsthand how a natural behaves in the field, how slutty women can be and why I should be ashamed to have ever had them up in a pedestal.

My wingman didn’t value girls when we went out. Sure, he would approach and dance with a couple of them, but he was perspiring with the energy of knowing he could practically get laid any night with any of at least three girls who would eventually throw themselves at him. The girls acted like betas by default: acting as if they owed him something. They would go out of their way to make themselves available, invite him to drinks, hand their number out to him, or ask him to go outside have a smoke with them. After some time he would just look at me and say “Bitches mean nothing to me, brother, let’s just have a great time and hit on some other girls.”

Some of you might be thinking by now: well, didn’t you get depressed to see after all your hard work that a natural was effortlessly above your level? There will always be people above and below you. We have a set of cards we have been dealt, but it’s what we do with them that matters. Will ever reach that level of success? Maybe, maybe not, but the fact remains: if you’re not a natural and have not been dealt the uber-good looking card, your chances of getting some pussy are exponentially higher if you are out there gaming and improving yourself.

If there is a single lesson that I got from my wingman is to be playful. Smile, joke around, and don’t take yourself too seriously. Never get pissed off for a girl being flakey or rejecting you. Don’t let it faze you because women can be irrational, childish and downright stupid. Think of it like the game it is: push forward till you can’t anymore. Didn’t work? Chalk it up and move on to to the next one.

Read More: 12 Essentials To Being A Great Wingman