For many, the zenith of the player lifestyle is accumulating a harem—a rotation of hot young woman available at the drop of a WhatsApp message for no-strings late-night hook-ups. All men like variety—after all, who wants to keep unwrapping the same present?—but more importantly, in today’s ruthless dating marketplace, spinning plates is necessary for the guy who seeks to remain free of unwanted attachment foisted on him by predatory females. To paraphrase Russell Brand, one girl on the go is just too close to none. But how should the aspiring Hugh Hefner go about building a rotation of girls, and can there ever be such a thing as too much abundance?
As a man in his late thirties of average looks, height and income who is dating four girls at the time of writing, all attractive and in their twenties, I thought I’d offer ROK reader seven tips on harem-building and maintenance. Just to make it clear, my girls don’t know one another, so the focus of what follows is on concurrent-relationships rather than setting up ménages, which deserves a post in its own right.
1. ABC: Always Be Closing
Understand this: maintaining a rotation of semi-casual sexual partners is a game that never ends. There is no plateau where you can relax, lay back and admire your kingdom. Like Iceberg Slim, you need to be out there pimping consistently. If you’re starting from scratch do the following: learn game, go out and find a girl willing to sleep with you, then immediately rinse and repeat. There can be no let-up.
The truth is that every sexual arrangement you initiate will inevitably go one of two ways: either the girl will disappear after a few lays (to continue riding of cock carousel with other players) or she will push you for greater commitment. Because these relationships are by definition casual, there is no security in the game, so rather like a crack dealer working the block in Brooklyn, you need to get out there and keep hustling, because if there’s one thing you can bet your life on, it’s the inconstancy of women. That said, the sense that you are a player will in the short term make you more attractive to your girls, but as time goes on and you eschew any sort of provisioning role, even the most hardy is likely to bail for greener pastures. Adopt an ‘always on’ strategy, and be proactive in approaching women wherever you are — in the street, in coffee bars, on public transport, etc — and ruthless in closing the deal.
2. Don’t Get Attached
Again, like Iceberg Slim in his seminal novel Pimp, it is imperative that you prevent yourself from becoming unduly attached to any one particular girl if you want to maintain a lifestyle of sexual abundance. Of course, one of the desirable functions of maintaining a harem is that it should prevent you from undue emotional attachment—after all, in theory you’re less likely to develop oneitis over a girl if you’re sleeping with another three at the same time.
In practice though, there is a danger that you will develop stronger feelings for the foremost of your girls (read: the hottest) and subconsciously beta yourself before her, only to experience a level of hurt when she rides off on the next cock that won’t be assuaged even by the knowledge that you have others to fall back on. Don’t allow this to happen: clamp down hard on your feelings, and remind yourself on a daily basis that your objective is not a long-term relationship with any one girl, but a lifestyle of abundance. Be ice cold.
3. Be Very Good At Text Game
Given that the very nature of casual sex relationships is that you won’t see each of your girls that frequently (probably once a week or less) then it is essential that you become proficient at texting , WhatsApp and Facebook messaging etc. In 2014, very few girls of the 18-29 year-old age range that you will be targeting actually speak on the phone, and so you will need to get good at handling your harem remotely, via message.
If your text game isn’t already strong, then do whatever it takes to strengthen it. Buy a reputable guide on the subject, read reports online, and post your own text conversations on forums for analysis. Basically, the trick is to balance sexually charged messages with comfort (so the girl believes there’s at least a vestige of a relationship there) while at the same time pushing back on her demands to see you or to spend more time with you. Your task will be to ensure that you see the girl you want to when you want, while keeping the others ‘warm’ so that you can meet with them on other nights when you’re free.
You also want to be in a position to replace a girl at short notice when one flakes on you a few hours before she was meant to come over. Keep them sweet with regular, short and sexy texts — they should be intrigued and always wanting more.
4. Cover Your Tracks
It should really go without saying, but one of the most important things you must do is cover your tracks (unless of course you have engineered a situation where one or more of your girls know each other and / or you all sleep together). Assuming this isn’t the case, then you must be very careful not to leave tell-tale signs to alert the girls to your extra-curricular activities.
Each morning, you should do a sweep of your room, removing anything incriminating—hair grips, earrings etc. Be particularly vigilant about this as girls are well-known for ‘accidentally’ leaving personal items around to ‘mark their territory.’ Have several sets of bedding and be prepared to change these at short notice. Open the window and use a room deodorizer to mask any odors. Make sure any roommate you have is discreet. Lastly, for when the shit hits the fan, learn to lie well. Never try to oversell your explanations—give her a plausible-sounding response to her suspicion and let her take it or leave it. And remember that the most effective way to lie is to utterly convince yourself that you are telling the truth.
5. Avoid ‘The Conversation’
As stated above, any on-going sexual relationship with a girl can really only end one of two ways—with her drifting away to pastures new, or pushing you for greater commitment. In the latter cases, what you must do without fail is to take any steps possible to avoid ‘the conversation.’ This is the awkward moment when the girl you’ve been happily fucking for the last few weeks wants to sit down and discuss ‘what’s really going on’ or ‘where you’re headed.’
If you play aloof, make yourself unavailable from time to time, and always hold the ‘lover not provider frame’ (i.e. don’t do anything that remotely resembles the behavior of a boyfriend) then the chances are she’ll get the message and you’ll avoid this. But if you do find yourself having the conversation, then whatever you do you must be evasive. A rookie mistake is to accede to her demands for exclusivity, thinking that if you don’t the poon tap will be turned off. It won’t, but even if you do lose her, better to be rid of a chick who’s making demands early rather than allowing her predatory nature to entangle you further.
6. Be Physically Fit
Go to the gym daily, run and eat right. Drink a lot of water and avoid alcohol. Don’t smoke. You’re going to need every atom of fitness you can acquire. Once you have a rotation of three or four girls on the go you’re going to be fucking a lot and you need to fuck them good. If you’re not emotionally investing in her, then the sex had better be outstanding, otherwise she’s walking.
7. Realise It’s Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be And It May Not Make You Happy
Banging a group of random chicks can be tough. Not only will you have to put up with their bullshit—jealousy, suspicion, shit-testing, tantrums and demands and so on, but you will also have to contend with the inherent instability of your position. It’s quite possible to have four girls on the go one day, only for two of them to drop off the rotation overnight. This is why you should always be closing, but also make sure you have a good group of close male friends in whom you can confide who know what you are doing and are non-judgmental about it. In the end, it’s the support of other men that will pull you through the hard times.
Read More: When Having A Harem Makes You Lazy