The Anatomy Of A Typical Feminist Rant

There are some common understandings throughout the manosphere regarding feminism. One of the most prominent is the idea that feminism, as taught academically in Women’s Studies classes across the nation, are intellectually dishonest, morally bankrupt, and reliant upon lies and distortion in order to indoctrinate students.

Commonly cited is the fact that feminists have been, so far, completely unable to back up or prove a single one of their major talking points with anything resembling empirical evidence. So what, then, do they rely on in order to parrot the same word salad of incoherent nonsense with such vigor? To answer that question, I decided to try a thought experiment today.

I was thinking about how intellectually lazy and easy it is to qualify oneself as a feminist, and decided that I would look around my room and write a feminist diatribe about how the first thing I see can be shown to “oppress women” in terms that would surely cause feminists to nod along and cheer me on. As it were, the first thing I saw was my laptop charger. What follows is my off-the-top-of-my-head rant about how it’s keeping women down.

How Laptop Chargers Oppress Women

I went to plug in my laptop today, and I had to use my charger. You know what, guys? There’s something that really bothers me about the way the plug gets kinda “forced” into the socket. I know from my nerdy computer class in high school that the plug is called the “male” and the socket is called the “female” in tech terms. I mean, the “male” needs to go in the “female!!!” Guys, even our TECHNOLOGY perpetuates rape culture!1!1! It’s so deeply embedded that we don’t even stop to think about how widespread it is. Is it any wonder that 54 out of every 3 women get raped with laptop parts like this? Like a socket needs a plug to work…puh-lease!

OMG you guys where do I even start? In case the patriarchal use of language which CLEARLY reinforces cultural gender stereotypes aren’t obvious enough, I’ll explain my sudden and visceral reaction of hostility to this choice of language. That’s right guys: though my feminist masters have convinced me that I’m capable of running a big corporation or even a country, I tend to fly into histrionics whenever I see words I don’t like. I might be a hypocrite about all this, but it’s how I feel, so that means I’m right. Plus it’s my prerogative to change my mind cuz like, lol, YOLO or something.

First of all, the use of “male” and “female” are CLEARLY oppressive terms that fail to recognize what we all know: gender is a purely social construct that has nothing to do with biology or sexual dimorphism. To refer to plugs as “male” and sockets as “female” reinforces a hetero-normative culture where people can’t just decide what gender they are based on their feelings, which we all know is the true determinant of gender. What if a person with XX chromosomes feels like a boy….THEN OBVIOUSLY SHE IS! Guys it makes me cry that I have to point this out. Wow, just wow.

Why does everything that penetrates need to be referred to as “male” anyway? We all know lesbians use strap-ons and penetrate each other, and they’re definitely female! What about women who peg men, which our hero Hugo Schwyzer taught us is the way to put men in their place? You know, when he wasn’t busy banging his students and drunk-driving? Calling the penetrat-y, rape-y part “male” is like, SO outdated you guys! Just wow.

Also, once I plugged in my charger, I noticed that my laptop had to remain perfectly still, while the charger cord could flail around at its own discretion! Is there any more clear sign that the “female” needs to JUST STAY PUT, while the “male” can do WHATEVER IT WANTS?

Guys it really breaks my heart that we can’t recognize this kind of douchecanoe absurdity for exactly what it is… and need I mention that most tech fields are run by MEN? Of COURSE they would label the terms this way… they do such a good job at keeping women out of their offices that nobody like me was there to stop them!

I really wish they would let more strong, independent women into tech offices so we could right these horrible wrongs. I don’t know if men are just so stupid they don’t realize how their choice of words hurts everybody, or if it’s an accident… but either way, let’s form a lobbyist group and appeal to the government for hundreds of thousands of taxpayer money so we can DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS YOU GUYS!!

***

A-man-jaw Marcuntte would be proud, no?

That rant took me a few seconds to come up with. No research required. No finding of citations to prove anything. Just a passionate-sounding diatribe involving the classic building blocks of feminist thought:

• All caps to emphasize important points
• The use of the phrase “wow just wow”
• Invoking mythological constructs like “patriarchy” and “male privilege,” the use of which guaranteed that like-minded retards in the audience would nod their heads and cheer me on
• Dropping the term “rape” in a completely inappropriate, smurf-like fashion

Critical thinking is hard. So is doing thorough research, cross-checking references to make sure a person actually knows what they’re talking about and understands both sides of the equation. So is responding to criticism in a thoughtful, intelligent manner.

Feminism is easy. Feminism is lazy. Feminism is the easy way out for histrionic attention whores who know exactly what buttons to push in order to rile up a frenzy; ugly, fat miserable shrews that they are, it’s the only way they’ll ever get the attention they crave from the men they so desire but would never give them the time of day.

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