How many times have you heard one of these excuses from a girl:

 “I can’t meet up with you. It’s my birthday dinner with my friends.”

“My birthday weekend was so much fun!”

“(crying) How could you forget my birthday?!”

“No, that was my birthday with my family. This is my birthday with my coworkers!”

As rational beings, men are quick to dismiss anything lacking immediate intrinsic and empirical value. Why should we celebrate what, to us, is some random day that everyone without exception possesses? I used to feel this way, but I was wrong. If you’re playing the game, you need to take this monumental occasion seriously. Here are three reasons why you should treat your girl like the princess she obviously is when her birthday rolls around:

1. She needs to be the star once in a while

Your girl’s birthday is her one chance to be the center of attention. With only Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tinder, and OKCupid available to make her feel special on a daily basis (and with increasing competition for likes and messages every day), your girl deserves the chance to bask in rare morsels of attention. You may notice that she becomes more demanding, flaky, or bitchy during the two week period surrounding her date of birth—ignore it and be happy that she chose to include you in this special period.


2. She only gets “one” birthday

You must realize that birthdays are a rare occasion for your girl: she only gets to celebrate it once with her friends, a single time with her family, once or twice with her best friends, once with her coworkers, and maybe a few other times with various acquaintances each year. Just as the hosting country will facilitate the housing, feeding, tourism, and drunken revelry of Olympics athletes every 2 years, it is your responsibility to make her feel special during these festivities.


3. Her birthday is a reflection of her hard work and strength of character

Can you believe how hard she’s worked to put this day into motion? First, she personally orchestrated her parents having unprotected intercourse 9 month prior to this date. Second, in an innovative and laborious marketing campaign, she’s personally seen to it that every person she interacts with is conscious of the day’s significance. This requires Obama Campaign-level social media canvassing, no small task in today’s world. Lastly, she has managed to survive to reproductive age against all odds, despite the scourges of modern medicine and technology. Sure she may have a couple extra pounds on her frame or rely on antidepressant medication to compensate for poor diet and lifestyle choices, but these are just byproducts of a life lived without the guiding beacon of male privilege.

As part of your compliment and cuddle game, be sure to respect the birthday of the western woman as sacred. Birthdays are so much more than just a participation award in life, and dare to forget them only at your own peril. If you do, you might end up buying expensive jewelry to make up for your insensitivity or, even worse, being called an uncaring jerk. And we all know that guys like that never succeed with women.

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