Have you ever wondered why so many male celebrities go out of their way to voice their alignment with “feminism”? Did you ever wonder why so many famous, good-looking men seem anxious to white knight on a regular basis and/or engage in otherwise highly blue pill behavior that we would not normally associate with a high value male?
Nash Grier has now provided us with a clear answer to these questions. Of course, my making that statement may just raise another question for you…
Who exactly is Nash Grier?
He’s a 16 year old kid who just happens to be one of the most followed social media personalities on the planet. His account on the Twitter-owned app Vine has more followers than equivalents owned by Ellen Degeneres, Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, Harry Styles and a host of other celebrities. As of this writing, he is the single most followed personality on Vine. His father is a football coach and his older brother is the best high school football player in America.
Here is some of his handiwork:
Grier became popular after one of the vines he made with his baby sister got shared by some teen girl in Alabama. Since then, other teen girls have driven his popularity, convinced that he is “cute” and enamored with the fact that he posts many of his videos without a shirt.
So, how did this teen heartthrob create so much controversy? He and a couple of other Vine/Youtube famous kids decided to discuss some of their romantic preferences:
Just months after being touted as a “social media prodigy,” Vine celebrity Nash Grier has learned the hard way that Internet backlash spreads even more quickly than Internet fame—especially if it’s in response to sexism.
Grier just celebrated his 16th birthday with his 4.2 million followers on Vine—the third highest on the platform. But the North Carolina sophomore, whose following largely consists of teenage girls enamored by his blue-eyed charm…caused an Internet uproar when his attempt to tell his young female audience “what guys look for in girls” backfired.
In a video Grier uploaded to YouTube five days before Christmas, he and his friends, 18-year-old fellow Vine star Cameron Dallas and 20-year-old YouTube star JC Caylen, attempt to tell their mostly female fans “What guys look for in girls.”
… the boys describe their ideal girl as someone who can be entertaining, spontaneous, and fun, girls who can cook, and who can “make you a better you,” i.e. improve the boys themselves. They criticize girls who they see as having no personalities and who are just waiting to marry rich husbands.
Well, that sounds good so far. Feminists ought to be cheering that bit. Where’s the problem?
Then they move into more contentious territory: Caylen criticizes girls with “fake tits,” while Grier dislikes girls who are “obnoxious and loud.” Then the boys talk about physical appearance, favoring girls who are short and petite, with “natural” looks and “really good smiles.” They criticize girls who don’t shave their facial and body hair, implying that “peach fuzz” and other types of natural hair on women is “gross.”
Grier also tells girls that “the chase is such a big part” of what makes a girl appealing, encouraging them to “play hard to get.”
“If you play too hard to get, then it’s just like, ‘oh, she doesn’t even like me,’ but if you play easy, then it’s just like, oh, she’s a whore,” Grier states. “Find a balance.”
“You can’t be better than me” at playing video games, Dallas adds. “I mean I don’t even play video games. You can’t be better than me.”
Grier’s video stood for five days as it gathered major backlash over what many viewers felt were the boys’ reinforcement of horrible beauty and behavioral standards in young women who already battle with low self-esteem.
Here is the full video in question:
What Grier Had At Stake
Nash Grier has shown us what happens to high value men with large female fanbases who dare to express anything but the most inclusive preferences and ideology. Men like John Legend and Joseph Gordon Leavitt (just two celebrities who have recently voiced their affinity for “feminism” – there are dozensof other examples) are well aware of this and, if they aren’t, their marketing/PR teams will coach them accordingly.
The fact is that their fanbases are predominantly female. Women are doing most of the subscribing/following of their social media accounts, buying most of the products they advertise, buying most of the tickets to their shows/movies, and generally providing most of the vocal support that drives their celebrity. Modern celebrity culture is highly feminized by necessity – it is built to cater to the people who fuel it most, and those people are overwhelmingly women.
These female fanbases consist of young (usually anywhere from 12-25) women who are, more often than not, quite insecure. Their fandom is often based heavily on the maintenance of a mental “relationship” with the celebrity: they may never date him, but they like to maintain the fantasy that they could someday and often place themselves in that position in their own hearts and minds. The maintenance of that relationship is the key to his celebrity: it is what keeps these girls going to his premiers, buying tickets to his shows, subscribing to every one of his social media accounts and snapping up every song he makes on iTunes.
This imaginary relationship is extremely important to these girls on a personal level, and they are extremely insecure about any notion that could take it away from them. What does the relationship actually look like? Think of it like this: when he sings a love/romantic song, they imagine that he is singing to them personally.
When he gives a coy wink or smile in a video, picture or a movie, they imagine that he is communicating directly with them on a personal level.
When he talks about his hobbies and activities, they imagine how said activities make him a perfect fit for them personally. And, finally, when he talks about his wants and desires, they imagine that he is speaking personally to them.
This last bit is key because of her insecurity: she has built up this fantasy and the last thing she wants is to have it contradicted in any way, especially by the male in question. When he says there is something that he doesn’t like in a girl, she will imagine that he is speaking directly to her. If she perceives herself to be lacking some trait he explicitly desires, she’ll get very upset.
Example: Celebrity male says he likes girls who shave.
Her reaction: “Wait, I haven’t shaven in a couple of weeks. I mean, I sometimes shave, but not, like, all the time. OMG – does this mean he wouldn’t like me? OMG!”
He’s ruined her fantasy. Her insecurity will have her fretting about this endlessly.
Now, you may ask the following:
“Why does she care so much about not meeting one standard of a guy she’ll probably never actually meet? Why does it matter to her? He’s not a real part of her life and she’s never going to be a part of his! Further, even if it does matter, why couldn’t she just change a little to meet that standard? Is shaving that hard? How is that a high standard?”
The answer to all of the above is simple…
She’s too insecure about herself on a personal and physical level to handle any level of criticism. She copes with this insecurity by maintaining this fantasy relationship with the celebrity, a relationship in which she has all she could ever want with a guy who is all she could ever want and doesn’t really have to do anything to maintain it. This allows her to escape to a world in which all of the insecurities she has about herself that keep her up at night are irrelevant and have no impact on her obtaining personal, social and romantic fulfillment. When that fantasy is crushed for whatever reason, it exposes her insecurities again.
Because of this insecurity, she NEEDS that fantasy relationship.
She needs to, at the very least, be able to maintain the illusion in her mind that he could love her. Anything that would completely eliminate this possibility is a no-no, because her insecurities will run wild and leave her upset, angry and even depressed. This is true even though her logical brain understands that she’ll probably never actually meet or date this famous male in real life. What she wants to maintain is the ability to rationalize that possibility into existence, however slim it is.
Take these comments from a (now deleted) mirror of Nash Grier’s original video:
5 hours ago
I don’t really i have the words, thank you, now i feel like a shit…
1 hour ago
are you fucking dumb? You make every girl insecure. And you should be a FUCKING rolemodel. You have a young sister!!!!
3 hours ago
this made me genuinely fucking insecure about EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT ME
17 hours ago
Okay, so I actually thought Nash was pretty cute but once he destroyed my self esteem he’s just another douche.. I guess he’s just one of those pretty boys with a shitty attitude. You know.? Just because you’re pretty on the outside doesn’t mean you’re beautiful on the inside.. sorry :/
1 day ago
wowwww this video makes me feel like shit…… like… I’m not an outgoing person all the time… and I have no talents. and I can’t cook at all.
1 day ago
So many girls look up to these guys and have probably changed themselves just to be in a category of their preference
1 day ago
Why the hell would you tell us to be ourselves when you clearly don’t like nor will you find interest in who some of us are? My self esteem was already low, but now, its worse. Thanks Nash. Congrats, you lost a vine follower.
1 day ago
The worst part of this whole video is that at the start they have some nice things like its good when a girl gets I to be a better person
But they just go and shit on that whole idea by then going on and on about all these things that so many people r already so self conscious about.
And doing that just makes girls feel like there not good enough and all these people that r really big fans of these guys r gonna be so heart broken about the fact that they r not perfect like the boys expect them to be
19 hours ago
well this just made me feel like shit….
1 day ago
I’m really self-conscious about my height since I’m 6ft and saying shorter girls are cuter makes me feel super great
20 hours ago
lol this is why im single
20 hours ago
I find Nash’s comment at 7:10 so ironic… Be yourself? How can I be myself when you have such a long list of things that I need to be to be good enough? Thank for making me feel self conscious about myself.
1 day ago
I knew I was ugly but now I feel like a fucking ape.
1 day ago
I was sad when they said they like short people because I am a 6 foot tall 16 year old girl. And don’t get me wrong it helps in basketball but not with getting a boyfriend.
1 day ago
Wow, don’t I feel like trash…
1 day ago
I hope your happy Nash.. putting standards on girls, making them feel like they aren’t perfect for this world, do you know how it feels to be called ugly? I know damn well what it feels like. And Nash, hate to break it to you, but I’ve seen guys that look ten times better than you. Prick
Sofia van nek
1 day ago
I feel like a piece of shit after watching this…
1 day ago
way to kill girls’ self esteems, congratulations you cunt bags
The insecurity these girls have provides high value men like Nash Grier with a remarkable degree of control over their emotional state. By merely stating their actual romantic preferences, they can send legions of women into a state of shock, anger, and outright depression.
When Nash Grier noted that he wasn’t a big fan of girls who didn’t shave, all of the girls who don’t shave (or hadn’t shaven at some point in the past, or feared that they may go an extended period of time without shaving in the future) had their insecurities directly engaged. They now wondered if he’d like them, and began to doubt to some degree that he did. Their ability to rationalize into existence that slim possibility of his loving them was undermined, thus compromising the fantasy relationships they maintain with him in their minds.
When the boys noted that they liked girls with freckles, they activated the insecurities of all the girls who lack them. The fact that they didn’t say they disliked girls without freckles is not relevant: the mere possibility of their preferring girls who have them is enough to get all of his female followers who lack them concerned and upset about the possibility that they might not like them.
The Illusion of Authority
You’ll notice that many of the critical comments directed at Grier seem to imply that he was ordering them around, as though he had some sort of authority over them. Statements like this:
“I can have as much hair on my body as I feel comfortable with!”
“I prefer guys who don’t tell me what to do!”
“How about you don’t order girls to look a certain way?!”
“Girls don’t have to obey you!”
Or, as quoted here from the deleted mirror video:
16 hours ago
I don’t have to be anything but me… gawd people.
Anybody who watched the video can tell that Nash Grier was guilty of none of the above. He was merely stating his preferences, not claiming that all women were obligated to meet them. The same goes for his companions in the video.
But remember what I said earlier: these women love him and are, in many cases, in a fantasy relationship with him. They NEED him to like them and they take what he says and does personally.
Let’s examine this quick comment exchange on the aforementioned deleted mirror of Nash’s original video to further clarify this point:
22 hours ago
I’ll tell you exactly why it’s a bad video. They are creating unrealistic expectations of women. They’re slut shaming. They’re telling their young audience of mostly teenage girls how to be, and they’re just ignorant
12 hours ago
@orchestra99 They are telling women what they should be if they want these boys to be attracted to them. Kind of a big difference. They’re not saying they won’t treat you like a human being if you don’t live up to this; they’re saying they probably won’t date you if you don’t live up to this.
Note commenter orchestra99’s statement here. She perceives these boys to be telling young girls how to be in general. Mrluigifan102 correctly points out that this is not the case, and that the boys are actually telling women what they should be if they want to date them specifically (read: stating their personal preferences).
Why can’t orchestra99 perceive this seemingly clear distinction? Because these are high value men and she, like most young, highly insecure girls, needs to feel as though it is possible for these guys to actually want her. This means that when these boys state their personal preferences, she interprets them as hard statements about how she and other girls must be.
Since these girls must be able to date these men, they therefore they must be able to meet any standards and preferences these men have. If these men claim to have preferences that these girls don’t see themselves fitting for whatever reason, there will be a problem. They can’t take the desires these guys express and accept them as individual preferences and just move on if they don’t fit them. They’re too insecure for that – they need the validation of these celebrity men that they’re in love with. That is why these women can see practically no distinction between these men articulating “individual personal preferences/what I like to see for me” and setting “hard standards for the way ALL women should be no matter what”. Any preferences these high value males articulate will be interpreted as commandments by infatuated young women who feel obligated to appeal to these guys and assign false authority to them.
1 day ago
that dog scene should have been longer…and this video is awful…guys get over yourselves. Not changing the way I am cause you want me too.
This young female commenter is in the same boat as orchestra99. She perceives their statement of their preferences as an actual, direct personal command from them to her necessitating that she change herself. They’re not actually asking that any women change to meet their preferences – they’re just stating them. Alexandra, like most young girls, is simply too obsessed with obtaining their validation to make that distinction.
Failure to be wanted by these men is not an option to these girls, and when they get even the slightest inkling that they may not fit the individual preferences these men have they can do nothing but get angry or depressed.
It is the powerful need to obtain the validation of these men (and the related tendency to take everything they say personally and attach great significance to it) that awakens the power of these young females as consumers. When these males’ faces show up next to a product they’re advertising and endorsing, the young females feel naturally compelled to buy it. When these guys create a video or social media account, the girls feel obligated to follow every word said. When these men release a song, the girls naturally feel obligated to download it or go to his concert and listen to it.
Similarly, when he critiques them or sets some sort personal preference or standard, they feel obligated to meet it, even though they should not logically be compelled to do so. Thus, you can see how this need insecure young female fans have in their desire to bond with such high value celebrity males creates these males’ celebrity power in the first place (makes them valuable for endorsements, gets them followers, sells their songs, etc) while simultaneously limiting what these males can say or do publicly. A large part of the job as a male celebrity is to sell a dream and a fantasy to millions of young women out there. He has to walk on eggshells in order to keep that fantasy intact and keep the money rolling in.
How To Play The Game
This is why celebrity males so often cannot voice legitimate standards of even the most basic variety. The risk of a majority of their fanbase taking it personally is simply too great because so many girls are insecure about so many things. Thus, when these guys get the chance or are prompted to talk of standards, they keep it real simple:
“I like strong, independent women.” – This is a great go-to. All of his female fans, regardless of what they look like or where they’re from, can convince themselves that they are strong and independent. He can’t offend anyone.
“Just be yourself.” – Even safer. He is basically saying to every female out there that she’s perfect for him the way she is. The statement implies absolutely no obligation on her part to change anything about herself in order to be able to get an extremely high value male interested in her. That total lack of responsibility brings great mental comfort to these young females.
“I love women who are beautiful on the inside.” – Another great go-to. Any female can convince herself that she fits this bill even if she’s actually a bitch to most of the people she comes into contact with. Low risk of offending anyone.
“Looks aren’t everything” – This is also an effective statement for a high value male looking to remain in the good graces of female fans. It is just another variation of the “beauty on the inside” mantra mentioned above. It works well because it doesn’t offend anyone: the girls who have the looks can easily convince themselves that they’ve also got the beauty on the inside (rendering the fact that “looks aren’t everything” inoffensive to them), while the girls who lack good looks can use this statement to convince themselves that they can completely make up for it with their “beauty on the inside” (which, again, they can all convince themselves they possess). This statement is also effective for placating the attractive girls who have convinced themselves that they’re ugly.
What isn’t okay for high value men to say?
“I like athletic girls” – This will build fans among the girls who’ve played sports or enjoy them, but it will awaken the insecurities of the many who were never particularly inclined to athletics and who hated gym class (or who are out of shape). If a man’s fanbase consists of many of these women (and it almost certainly will if he’s a typical celebrity), he’d best stay away from this one.
“I love freckles” – Any girl who doesn’t have freckles will begin to wonder if you like her.
“I love big tits” – Even girls with sizable breasts are often insecure about their bust size and convinced that they’re too small. Thus, such a comment would have a high risk of offending just about all of his female fanbase.
“Girls need to shave” – Lots of girls don’t do it and many who do have neglected it at times. This kind of statement has the potential to offend every girl in a given high-value male’s fanbase, as Nash Grier has learned.
“I love fit girls” – Obviously a high risk of offending the fat/chubby chicks, but also a high risk of offending the fit chicks who THINK they’re fat. These two groups can often make up the entirety of a celebrity male’s fanbase.
Though all of the above aren’t good for PR, it is likely (in fact, almost certain) that most high value men maintain standards that their fans wouldn’t want to hear about. More often than not, these men have extremely attractive, well-groomed, fit females on their arms. Men like John Legend (one of the more recent self-proclaimed male feminists in Hollywood) have dating histories that consist almost exclusively of relationships with physically fit, aesthetically elite models. Actions speak louder than words: these men have standards, and those standards do tend to favor fit, well-groomed women.
Men like Legend cannot come out and say that, however, because if they do their female fanbases will no longer be able to delude themselves into believing that they have even the slimmest of chances of appealing to a high value male like him.
Legend is aware of this reality, so when asked what he likes in a woman he keeps it simple: “Strong and independent.” No harm, no foul. So long as he shuts up, his legions of female fans can continue to dream, in their heart of hearts, that his soulful crooning is really for them and he may just one day become their Prince Charming. Real life contradictions to this fantasy in his actual romantic life can be rationalized away.
All in all, this Nash Grier episode is illustrative of why being (or pretending to be) a white knight is good business for many famous, high value men. Nash Grier is a kid who was simply too young to understand this and lacked legitimate PR/marketing advisers to make him aware. His star will continue to shine brightly after this – with this experience behind him he’ll know to be more tactful in the future in order to maximize his appeal to his fanbase (and, by extension, his own notoriety). So long as this doesn’t become a habit, girls will forget about this in time and continue to follow everything he does.
Other high value men who are aware of the need to play this game probably don’t believe all that they say (few rational, sane men would), but they know what makes them money and what doesn’t.
Celebrity men who want to keep the cash flowing need to sell the dream at all costs. Truth is superfluous.
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