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January 9th, 2014

4 Steps That Help Build Your Confidence

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Confidence, whether real or faked, is the core of our Inner Self that alpha men are recognized of having above all else. Ask any woman what trait they notice in a man first, or which trait they desire first and foremost in the opposite sex and almost guaranteed, they will answer with a resounding “confidence”. Why is this? Because confidence is the appearance of being capable. Capable of what, you may ask. Capable of anything.

When a confident playboy walks into a social situation, say a fundraiser, and looks everyone in the eye, that physical behavior sends signals to both men and women that he is a man who can backup what he says (whether he can or not). He is the equivalent of a male lion walking into the territory of his prey and sizing up his surroundings and its dwellers.

While men may feel challenged, threatened, or subservient to this behavior, women will be drawn to it, due to the biological reaction they have to seeing a High Value Male display confidence. The display of confidence, through body language, is a natural turn on for women. They are hard-wired to be drawn to the most alpha male in their vicinity and will often compete with each other in a social setting in order to gain the alpha’s attention.

Whether the playboy’s confidence is based in reality or not, does not matter initially, because the appearance of something, is better than the appearance of nothing

Wallflowers do not get respect, nor do they get laid. I am a huge advocate of one being irrationally confident in the beginning stages of a man building his confidence, because most people cannot decipher between real or fake confidence; they only can get a knee jerk reaction to the display of confidence.

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Why is it important to focus on confidence? Because most people truly are not confident. Take a look around? Are you at a coffee shop? How many of the people looked you in the eye when you walked in, or did they nervously glance over and quickly divert their eyes when you glanced back at them? The rise of social media and an increasing dependence on smart phones and technology has only increased the lack of most individuals social skills. Instead of having a competent conversation with others in their peer group, they are buried in Facebook updates and feeding their never ending thirst for Instagram ‘likes’ for validation.

Another reason that your confidence is key to building your Inner Self, is that without it, you simply become a shell with zero substance, which is fundamentally flawed to increasing your value as a man. To become a playboy, external attributes are necessary, but to become a great playboy, real grounded confidence must be fostered and developed.

Confidence is based on the belief that you, no matter your physical attributes, net-worth, career or connections, have real worth. I have done this for years and it’s quite effective: I imagine that I am stripped bare of any material possessions, I have nothing on, no fancy suit, literally nothing. I am stripped bare of money, friends, lovers, notoriety, everything. Then, when I look in the mirror, what do I see? Who am I? Do I still have confidence? Do I still feel like a man of worth? Yes. Why is this? Because I have based my confidence on who I am with nothing, not based on who I am with everything. Wealth can be stripped away, lovers can leave, family can pass away and career prospects can dry up, so then what are we left with? Building confidence with a firm foundation must start with who you are at the core.

If you really want to re-build your life, then take the time to do the steps I am breaking down, so that you can start your path to being a playboy on the right foot and with the real tools needed to succeed.

Step 1: Who Am I?

Write down your Strengths. Forget your weaknesses right now. This isn’t about what you’re NOT, it’s about what you ARE. List every talent you have. Even if you think you don’t have talents, you do. Every man is your superior in one way.

Step 2: List Your Strength and Talents

Based on the strengths and talents you’ve written down, what could you parlay those into? Great with computers and programming? Then maybe you’ll design a very successful new phone app. Are you in phenomenal physical shape? Then maybe you’ll become a fitness model flying around the world getting paid big bucks to pose lifting, or maybe you’ll become a famous personal trainer and open your own line of fitness products. Write down quickly all of the great things you can become based on your talents and strengths alone. I bet you feel more confident already. There is nothing wrong with taking count of all of your strengths, talents and positive attributes that make you a a unique individual.

Step 3: Affirmations

The third step is one that you should do DAILY, until your confidence has grown and fully developed. Hell, you can even keep doing them, as do I, because a daily reminder is the best way to maximize your potential. Every morning before leaving your house for the day and EVERY night before you go to sleep, look in the mirror and speak affirmations with conviction.

I promise you, if you actually do them without cynicism and really believing, that you will increase your confidence. The key is not to look at affirmations as magic words, because it’s not magic; it’s simply speaking positively to yourself and claiming those words as truths about yourself. Let’s be honest, a lot of us don’t have anyone speaking positively to our faces everyday, so you must be responsible for your own well being, by starting your day right and reaffirming yourself first.

Here are some examples of what you can use. Feel free to change them around and tailor make them for yourself, because this is all about you.

  • “I am a Man of Worth”
  • “I am a Man of Success”
  • “I am getting stronger and stronger in every way, every day”
  • “I am a Great Man”
  • “Fuck the haters. I’m becoming better every day”
  • “I WILL reach my goals”
  • “I WILL be a success”
  • “No matter what, I will reach my goals”
  • “I am NOT a pussy. I will push through every obstacle”
  • “Girls love me”
  • “Girls want to fuck me”
  • “Girls are drawn to me”
  • “I believe” (Use this affirmation as your final one. Look yourself in the eye in the mirror and really take a second to believe it. This is extremely powerful.)

The reason why affirmations like these work is because it affects your Vibe and Energy. Remember those days when you leave the gym and you’re feeling invincible, or you just cashed a large check and you walk out of the bank with your wallet full? Affirmations done repeatedly and with conviction will help re-create these feelings and when you go about your day, people will be drawn to this energy. A component of Charisma is directly related to Vibe and Energy. Want to be more Charismatic? Do Affirmations. Want to start your day reaffirming truth? Do Affirmations. Want to go about your day with your head held high because you started it with building the foundation of your confidence? Do Affirmations.

Step 4: Work On Your Goals

Nothing builds confidence quicker than achieving a goal. These don’t have to be massive goals, I’m talking about mini-goals, such as do 10 chinups by next week. See, the accumulation of small goals starts to take on the shape of the larger goals. If you set the goal of doing 10 chinups by next week, then 15 the next week and increasing by 5 each week, then fast-forward in 3 months and you’ll have the back of Thor. Along the way to your overall goal of building a great back, your confidence will start to increase because you’re working hard towards the goal by hitting the mini-goals.

This has been an excerpt from The Alpha Playboy: Every Man’s Guide To Kicking Ass In The Game Of Life.

Read More: The McQueen Manifesto


About the Author

is a best-selling author, former club owner and club VIP Host. Learn more Blog - Books - Podcast Follow him on Twitter: Twitter

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