Several weeks back, Brother Tuthomosis posted an article titled 5 Reasons To Date A Girl With An Eating Disorder. Although it was meant as a ribald jest, many voices came forward to protest the insensitivity displayed by Return Of Kings. We simply cannot be so insensitive, men; our brethren sistren of the Demisexual & Otherkin genders are sensitive souls, and it is incumbent upon us to take their feelings into consideration before we speak.
So with that in mind, let us speak frankly about those Heroes of our modern age, the Eating Disordered White Girls, without resorting to ridicule, and without treating them as nothing more than cock cozies. What follows are the four main reasons you shouldn’t date a girl with an eating disorder.
1. They’re overweight
Perhaps this is because of a history of swing-dieting; all of that alternating between fasting and binging, only to wind up training their metabolism for a drought on the African Savannah. The poor dumplings! Or perhaps it’s that their eating disorder somehow translates into having a bad diet –subsisting on sugars and electrolytes and dulling their insulin response. Or perhaps it’s simply that skinny girls who work-out regularly, and exert a modicum of self-discipline when offered desert, never need to worry about their diet, and are thus immune to the disorder.
Now I want to be perfectly clear about something – I am not fat shaming. I believe that all of us here at RoK are man enough to admit that we secretly crave the porcine rolls of the full-time Mac-and-Cheese eater. No, I am simply pointing out that one does not simply ‘date’ one of these voluptuous tulips with the expectations of casual sex; these ladies need to be wooed.
2. They have bad breath
The human anatomy evolved as a one-way tube. We cannot operate like flatworms, who intake food, absorb the nutrients, and expel it out the same hole, and should we try do so, there are some nasty side-effects.
First there’s the obvious: nobody likes kissing pukey girls, even though the ones I’ve seen at parties don’t seem to realize this (perhaps the raspberry wine covers up the taste of stomach acid?). And as I’m sure you’ve noticed, during a bout of the flu, or after making the mistake of ‘beer before liquor,’ there’s nothing that will completely remove the taste of vomit from your mouth.
The second problem comes only after years of binge-and-purging, but is even worse: the constant soaking of stomach acid manages to erode away even the pearliest of whites, and the result is a mouth degenerating to meth-addict quality.
3. Their malnourishment leaves them deranged
Speaking of meth addicts, there’s the whole problem of malnourishment.
As heroic as it is to stick your finger down your throat, the fact of the matter is that we are organic machines: both our bodies and our minds rely upon regular intakes of chemical energy to function properly. The self-imposed starvation of the Eating Disordered Girl leads to mental derangement: flakiness, inability to concentrate, and hallucinations. In other words, it exacerbates the bad traits that women are already cursed with.
4. An eating disorder is indicative of a secondary mental illness
The interesting thing about mental disorders is that some of them are universal (depression, narcissism, female hysteria) while others are culture-specific. Eating disorders are in the latter camp.
Secondary disorders aren’t disorders in and of themselves, but rather, an effect of some other underlying disorder. An anorexic hero doesn’t actually see a warped version of themselves in the mirror, as some would claim – rather, she’s engaging in a behaviour which is all too typical amongst the tumblr crowd:
She’s engaging in self-harm.
The reality of eating disorders is that they’re usually just an expression of borderline personality disorder, or some other derangement which involves hurting oneself to get attention. Some do cutting, others take pills, but in her case, she harms herself through starvation.
On the surface she says “I’m not pretty enough, so I’m going to punish myself by not eating!” And while it might seem like a good bargain for you at first, eventually this transmogrifies into “I’m not pretty enough because of the patriarchy! I’m not pretty enough because my boyfriend’s an asshole! I’m not pretty enough so I’m going to murder you in your sleep for judging me!” and so forth.
There are a million-and-one ways for insanity to manifest, but only a few fundamental ways that things go wrong. And despite what the apologists say, mental illness is infectious. Even if you don’t experience a false rape accusation or a physical attack from your anorexic hero, you’re still going to be subjected to the M.C. Escher emotional life of a Schedule II, and trust me – your brain is just not equipped to deal with Cthulu so closely.
As I said at the beginning, our Demisexual Otherkin sistren are sensitive, easily damaged souls; what I didn’t point out is that they’re sensitive in the same manner as the puffball mushroom: poke them, and a cloud of toxic spores fills the air.
So let us be respectful, let us acknowledge their heroism, and let us celebrate how special and unique these women are – by boycotting these overweight, smelly, and unstable victims™.