7 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date A Model

Men are wrong in thinking that models would make an ideal life partner. Not only are models human beings like the rest of us, but they possess serious flaws that make dating them a potentially negative experience. Here are seven reason why you shouldn’t date one…

1. They never had to develop their intellect or personality

Models are incredibly dull-witted. You would be too if everyone responded favorably to you since childhood just because you were genetically beautiful. It has never happened in the history of the world that a model said something interesting or impressive. They simply never developed the normal mental faculties to do so, because merely existing and coasting by on their beauty was enough. A model is great to look at, but after you have sex with her a couple times, you won’t uncover a secret treasure that makes you like her even more. It only gets worse over time.

You guys, honest moment: I just peed on my own back porch bc I locked myself out, am waiting on a locksmith & couldn’t hold it any longer.

— Brooklyn Decker (@BrooklynDecker) November 19, 2013

2. They are so insecure that they need constant validation

You’d think that having all that beauty would make models self-confident, but in fact the opposite occurs. She knows that her beauty is like a Silicon Valley IPO that will inevitably crash, so she needs constant reassurance that you value her as a human being, when in actuality you like her just for her incredibly pretty face. They will be constantly late to dates because of the extra time they must spend in the mirror making sure they look perfect. That’s not entirely bad unless you have theater or dinner reservations.

Hair And make up done ?Now its time to rock the runway !!! Kisses!! See you on the runway!! Pronta!!!… http://t.co/iuX7Vp1Lc8 — Izabel Goulart (@iza_goulart) November 13, 2013

3. Rich men will constantly try to steal her from you

You’ll never be able to rest when dating a model because there are more men who want to date models than there are models. In other words, supply is low while demand is high. Therefore you will have to accept that she’ll be approached non-stop by other men who are much richer than you, taller than you, and much better looking than you. It will be impossible for you not to feel relationship anxiety in the face of this constant onslaught. If you do eventually get a model to settle down with you, your best bet is to move her to a farm where other men can’t tempt her with their overly generous offers of seduction.

A fabulous night at the ballet with Carlos Souza and maisonvalentino photo courtesy of http://t.co/pBLoXG8NS4 http://t.co/QcCHCua8nf — Alyssa Miller (@luvalyssamiller) October 31, 2013

4. She’s always on the road

New York this week. Milan the next. Runway show tomorrow. Magazine shoot the day after. She’s going to be so busy that you won’t be able to establish a regular sex schedule. What’s the point of having a girlfriend if she’s busy traveling the world while you have to jerk off? The point of dating a girl is so you don’t have to masturbate, but if you enter a relationship with a beautiful model, you may find yourself masturbating more than ever.

Here we go again now in Istanbul for L’officiel love this place !Mais um dia de trabalho agora em… http://t.co/mANn9aw5I3 — Ana Beatriz Barros (@anabbofficial) November 15, 2013

5. She’s horrible in bed

Why should a model take time to study the Kama Sutra like normal girls when so many men feel blessed merely to see her naked? The result is that a model has the absolute worst sex ability out of all other female socio-economic and professional classes. It’s pretty close to having sex with a Japanese sex doll, and don’t ask me how I know that. Even worse, if you want your dick sucked, you’ll get more pleasure sticking it through a glory hole of a gay bathhouse than requesting a model give you oral fornicative pleasure. A dick of respectable girth is like kryptonite to a model’s mouth.

Walk into my acting school and there’s a weird group of people in a circle talking, at first I thought AA, now I know it’s worse- politics — genevieve morton (@genevievemorton) October 8, 2013

6. She doesn’t possess even the most basic homemaking skills

Girls don’t dream to become models because they want to cook hearty meals at home or repair your shirt buttons. You’ll know more about knitting a scarf and raising kittens than she ever will. In fact, besides modeling, she’s nearly useless as a human being. I really hope beauty is the only quality you want in a woman, because there’s not much else a model can offer you. Don’t expect her to do anything except look pretty and vacantly stare at you with her ravishing eyes.

Breakfast? Ummm maybe. or nah? #peanutbutta http://t.co/Ug0rTWhKzi — Selita Ebanks (@SelitaEbanks) November 3, 2013

7. She doesn’t know how to handle money

Models know their careers will be short, sort of like American football players, but they don’t have the common sense to save money during their prime years to make it through the remainder of their lives. You can’t blame them entirely—if you were getting a $10,000 check to purse your lips for an hour, you probably wouldn’t know the value of money either. Nevertheless, don’t think you get any financial benefits from dating what you incorrectly think is a “rich” girl. They spend all their money and then have no choice at 30 but to find a rich man to take care of them. Therefore if you’re not a rich dude (I’m not), the best time to date a model is when she’s working, because she’ll more easily ignore the fact that you are dirt broke.

Wedding prep diet. I paid @chrissyteigen $120 to eat ice cream cake covered in gravy. She did it. pic.twitter.com/eU0Oh4JMHF

— Brooklyn Decker (@BrooklynDecker) August 6, 2013

If you decide to ignore my advice and date a model, the best thing I can tell you is to have very low expectations about the longevity of the relationship. Do it for fun, do it for kicks, but don’t take her seriously. Just making it to the three-month mark will be quite commendable on your part. In the meantime, have no shame for dating non-models. Maybe the beauty of a normal girl won’t be as high, but she’ll be able to do a better job satisfying you sexually, emotionally, and intellectually.

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