16 Ways To Spot A Cougar

Men chase the priapic mysteries.  These mysteries fascinate us, and we crave the sensual delights that come from exploring their subtleties by frolicking on supple female flesh.  It is part of our evolutionary inheritance.  It is safe to say that the male desire to sample a wide range of sexual experiences across as wide a geographic area as possible is near universal; to deny this is to deny the nature of man.  It is nothing less than a biological imperative.  Does not every organism seek to expand its habitat and multiply itself with geometric abundance?  Consider how our distant ancestors, as soon as they could walk upright, struck out across the savannahs of east Africa, walking for uncounted hours, days, and weeks in search of game and fertile pastures.  Consider how intrepid Columbus burst the bonds holding man to the Old World, and exploded into the fragrant fields of the New World.

We exist, and therefore must copulate.

Consider the modern cougar.  Advances in health and technology have expanded the sexual marketplace shelf-life of women who, in previous eras, would have been invisible to the average man.  It is now possible for women in their 40s, 50s, and even 60s to prowl the sexual terrain in the fond hope that the diligence of their physical upkeep will cause them to be noticed by a younger diffident male.  She has truly arrived.

To advise my fellow ROK readers on the nature of that huntress who stalks the lands, I have decided to list the most common features of the modern cougar.  I urge readers to do their own first hand research (as I did) by copulating with a cougar or two.  Keep your own “Big Cat Diary”, I say, and feel free to share your experiences.  A sexually well-educated man must be able to appreciate the differences between a younger and a older woman, in the same way that a gourmand needs to train his palate to distinguish the subtleties of fine food and drink.

But take care!  The cougar is not an animal to be underestimated.  Beneath that laser-like stare pants the heart of a tiger, and the soul of a hamster.  Her survival instincts, rationalization mechanisms, and predatory abilities have been honed over many years of evolution, as well as by decades of indulgence, protection, and coddling from American society.

Here some of the most commonly displayed traits of the modern cougar.  I can give you 16 common ones, in no special order.

1.  Elevated Masculine Mannerisms And Features

The hormonal changes that women undergo as they get older tends to diminish their (already tenuous) femininity as Western women.  Their faces take on a more hard-bitten, harsh appearance, and it is not uncommon for facial hair to increase significantly.  Estrogen levels seem to go down, voices deepen, and a constant exposure to feminist propaganda whittles away at whatever may be left of their feminine core.  Sexual dimorphism in behavior seems to fade as cougarism blossoms.

2.  Fixation On Younger Women’s Clothing Styles

In an attempt to recapture her lost party-girl, carousel-riding youth, the cougar will become more and more shameless in wearing clothing designed for girls 20 years younger.  Favorites here are leopard-spot and tiger-stripe patterns, short skirts, skin-tight jeans, and low cut blouses designed to show off an ample, silicone-enhanced cleavage.

3.  Constant Talk About Work

Admittedly, the modern cougar works hard.  Not for her are the languid, relaxed days of lounging around the house.  She usually has brood to provide for, and her own upkeep is hardly inexpensive.  Unless she has hit the jackpot by shaking down her ex-husband in divorce court, expect the cougar to work well into her elder years.  She takes her work seriously.  The down side of this, unfortunately, is that you never stop hearing about it.  Besides her work and her kids, the cougar cares for little else.  And you will hear about both.  Constantly.  I have found this one of the oddest cougar traits:  so mature in many respects, but so childish and juvenile when it comes to trying to make intelligent conversation with men.  Some things women just never outgrow.  Ah, humanity.

4.  Constant Blather About Her Ex-Husband, Kids, Or Party-Girl Years

The cougar will initially feign interest in her younger male target, flattering him with attention.  But after coitus has been consummated, the hapless youngster will find himself enmeshed in a constant stream of mind-numbing jibberish about how bad her ex-spouse is, how great her kids are, and how she wistfully longs for her lost party-girl (i.e., carousel) years.

5.  Credit or Debt Problems

Years of hard living and big spending have usually put your top-tier cougar into credit and debt problems.  Of course, it’s always someone else’s fault, but be aware that lurking in her background is a financial house of cards, ever ready to collapse.  Hold onto your wallet.

6.  Willingness To Raw Dog

Cougars love raw dogging.  After a hysterectomy or the passing of her child-bearing years, the average cougar feels that she has little to fear from unwanted pregnancies.  Her innate fatalism removes whatever other hesitations she may have from high-risk behavior.  Expect to be encouraged to take the plunge.  We here at ROK, of course, always advise safety first.

7.  Preferences For Dogs As Pets

A true cougar is a dog person, not a cat person.  Cougars love to bask in the unbounded energy of a hound hurling himself about the house, tongue lolling about, ever subservient to her demands.  Accomplished attention seekers, cougars know that taking their dogs in public is also one of the best ways to attract the limelight.

8.  Kids In The Background…And When She’s Ready, In The Foreground

A cougar knows that her younger male prey is innately repelled by the sight of another man’s spawn.  So, in the beginning of the seduction, she will keep her kid(s) safely hidden away so as not to scare off her younger male target.  But, eventually however, her desire to take power in the relationship will get the better of her.  She will feel a compulsion to test the waters.  The kid will slowly be edged into the picture…ever so subtly, and ever so gradually.  This is the big moment of truth.  The expert cougar hunter will not flinch at this critical juncture.  He will refuse to have anything to do whatsoever with another man’s children, including being in the same room with them.  Not your brood, not your problem.  The irony here—always lost on females—is that they themselves would never want to be involved with a single man with his own children.  Yet they expect a single man to tolerate the sight of her own offspring.

9.  Pseudo-Intellectual Blather

Our standard-issue cougar has spent many an hour poring over the dreary tomes found in your local Barnes & Noble, and she wants to show it.  Expect to be lectured on P/E ratios, modes of alienation, the Arab Spring, and other vapid topics du jour.

10.  Sexual Forwardness

This goes without saying.  Deployment of some reticent “beta bait” game will work wonders.  Believe me.

11.  Silicone

I know it when I see it.  And I happen to like it.

12.  Crazy Ex-Husband Stories

To justify her solo existence, the cougar has developed a sophisticated rationalization mechanism, which has calcified into certitude with the passage of time.  You will hear stories about how the former spouse threatened her, verbally abused her, and made her strike out on her own against her will.  Every life decision is the fault of someone else, of course.

13.  Intense, Predatory Gazes

When a cougar locks her gaze on you, there will be no mistaking her intentions.  The cougar has no time for the giddy dilly-dallying of the clueless younger woman.  But be warned…there are other, more sophisticated games brewing in the background.

14.  Insipid Mishmash Of Religious Or Spiritual Ideas

Cougars are always into self-actualized “spiritualism” or other vague religious cant, which has the advantage of making no demands on them.  At the same time, it enables them to adopt the posture of the deep, introspective woman of the world.  You will be expected to buy into her religious ideas, or at least pretend to listen to them, whatever they may be.  Yawn.

15.  Excessive Use Of Cosmetics

Expect to see some skillfully placed make up that conceals the ravages of time, a lifetime of hard partying, and excessive exposure to sun.  The higher the income of the cougar, the better the overall results.  She’s high maintenance, and is proud of it.

16.  Vague Contempt For Feminist Bullshit

Having been around the block, the typical cougar has no use for feminist talking points.  She may mouth the creed, but there is no belief behind it.  The harsh realities of life have stripped away the false illusions of feminism, and replaced them with a ruthless practicality.  Her hamster, of course, still operates as it always does, but it services her personal needs, not the false ideologies of deluded younger women.

Final Thoughts

So there it is.  I must confess, chevalier that I am, a measure of sympathy for the plight of the modern cougar.  Cut adrift from her traditional feminine moorings, drifting here and there in the harsh realities of a society that promised her so much and delivered so little, she haplessly tries to make her way in the world.  And what a nightmare it turned out to be.  So let us be tender, and let us be gentle.

As I look into those cougar eyes, and peer through those windows of the soul, what do I see?  I detect, perhaps, the vague glimmerings of a sadness at the cruel passage of time, and at the mournful brevity of life’s pageant.

I sense her inner voice.  And it says to me, with soft poignancy:  Ah, you men.  You lust after our flesh, and seek to possess us, and to what end?  For the comedy of reproduction? Have you any idea that we women pay a higher price than you for love’s reckless and maudlin play?  And yet…we do so desire to be loved, and to give love in return.  Tell me, is this not the only redemptive tonic in the drama of life?

Read More:  Why There Are No Tens