Previously: Part 1
We’re big on the concept of self-improvement here at ROK, and for good reason. We understand that men cannot hope to get want they want out of life (romantically or otherwise) without taking a serious look at themselves, objectively and efficiently identifying their faults and working diligently to improve upon them. Society’s judgment of men who fail to do this is a very poor one, and the judgement of the female sex is harsher still. Weak men who show themselves unable or unwilling to address their faults are the floor upon which members of this society trample and spit upon. Their only defense is to begin the process of self-improvement.
It is often beneficial to facilitate this process through example. By providing illustrations of what should and should not be done, one can provide the male concerned with legitimate self-improvement a figurative “map” of sorts with which to guide himself forward, a source of directions that shows him where he needs to go and where he really shouldn’t be.
The more thorough and common the provision of these “directions”, the more effective the broader process of male self-improvement. Fewer men engage in pathetic activities that render them perpetual romantic failures and more women get to enjoy the company of men with at least a moderate degree of romantic competence. Everyone wins.
Today I am going to do my part to facilitate this process by providing an example of where no man should seek to be (as I have done before). The scenario is simple enough: a guy gets access to a girl via social circle contacts. He is able to build enough attraction for her to give him a shot and manages a couple of dates. He fails spectacularly for reasons that will become evident below.
I will let the images speak for themselves.
So, where’d this guy go wrong? I think I could make multiple posts answering that question, so in the interest of time I’ll just abbreviate with three simple points.
1. Too many texts
He’s sending her 3 or 4 texts for every one he receives. From the very beginning, he’s too talkative and comes across as entirely too eager. We’ve all been here, and we’ve all run headfirst into the consequence: seeming too needy. This is the kiss of death with any female.
2. Too much cutesy talk
This guy thinks he’s being charming, funny and cool with his use of “foeva” and the like, but really he just sounds kind of like a goofy try-hard.
3. He telegraphs interest far too early and far too directly.
It takes him two days to invite the girl he barely knows (they’ve only been on a date or two) on a cruise.
Note how prior to this point (which you can find above in the fourth image), despite his goofy wordiness, she’s at least moderately responsive. When he starts calling/texting her late at night with something to say, she at least manages a response eventually (“I’m at a baby shower, what’s up?”) and hears him out. Up until this point, he never sends more than 3 messages without getting a response (though this is still a horrible ratio) and that response usually comes less than a day after he’s said something. She’s not totally ignoring him. The guy was playing it poorly, but (miraculously) wasn’t totally out of her life yet.
After he mentions this cruise, she says “I don’t want to commit to anything for the summer right now”. She then goes dead silent on him for almost 10 days. Despite all of the mistakes he had made within the earliest stages of the conversation (wordiness, overeager tone, 3-to-1 text/response ratio, etc), it was his move to try and get her to offer some form of commitment early on that really convinced her to completely shut things down.
This demonstrates a very valuable reality for young men pursuing women to understand: be very wary of offering commitment. Women may be the gatekeepers of sex, but men are the gatekeepers of commitment. A gatekeeper’s value is inherently linked to his/her ability to guard the objects being kept (sex for women, commitment for men).
Women who fail to guard their sex (read: highly promiscuous women who gain a reputation for providing easy sex to many men) are marked as poor gatekeepers and generally not held in high esteem.
Men who fail to guard their commitment (read: overeager, insecure, needy men who seem all to ready to wife up a girl within a very short time period and ooze desperation in the process) are no better and, actually, are in many ways held in much lower regard than the aforementioned highly promiscuous women (who hate them too).
This man was a piss poor gatekeeper, and he was treated accordingly. He did not understand what his commitment was worth, and offered it too casually. His needy, overeager nature and likely scarcity mentality were his undoing.
To improve romantically, men must learn to understand the true value of their commitment (a desirable commodity that can be offered and removed at will only by men) and understand the need to guard it accordingly. This knowledge must also be combined with focused efforts in other aspects related to broad self-improvement (style, finances, fitness, etc), which will be needed in order to make you into the kind of man whose commitment is actually desired by attractive women in the first place.
This is the way forward for the self-aware male seeking to better his romantic lot in life—you begin by becoming the kind of man women are attracted to (and, by extension, the man whose commitment is desired). The increased demand for your commitment (to which you are the gatekeeper, remember) then enhances your romantic value and allows you to enjoy higher quality relationships with higher quality women on a more regular basis.
It will also allow you to avoid becoming anything remotely resembling this sad example of manhood here, who (unaware of the lessons I am attempting to disseminate in this post) wasn’t done texting this now totally uninterested girl:
Now, I want to make this clear: none of the mistakes displayed above are particularly rare. I think that the bulk of men on this site have been repeat offenders at some point in their lives. I know that I have certainly been guilty of much of the behavior displayed and described above (neediness, over-texting, etc).
How do we respond? We live and we learn, often the hard way. It isn’t just about avoiding the mistakes, but making sure they are properly utilized as catalysts along the path to self-improvement, small boosts that can move you closer to the ultimate goal.
By displaying such catastrophic romantic blunders and highlighting their faults for all to see, I hope to make that process of mistake utilization a smoother one for other men who have either just recently made such errors or will soon do so.
Take it from somebody who has made the above errors on more than one occasion and seen the pitiful destination to which they lead: you don’t want to be there. Don’t be that guy. Stick with ROK and, eventually, you will internalize the steps necessary to avoid hitting the kind of rock-bottoms displayed above and, hopefully, will never find yourself there again. That will be more than hundreds of millions of young males in this modern world can say, and that’s an accomplishment.
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