Culture Burberry CEO Angela Ahrendts to join Apple

November 5th, 2013

Apple Should Have Never Hired A Female Handbag Executive


Whether you like Apple or not, Steve Jobs will be remembered as one of the great minds of the 21st Century. Starting in his parents garage he built THE most valuable company in the world and did it without Gates or Rockefeller type monopolies. His whole persona was built around what people came to term “the reality distortion field”.  IT CAN BE DONE. The concept of a personal computer for home use, was off the radar in the late 70s early 80s. Computers took up entire buildings. Steve set the pace and demanded his engineers push it to the max.

Two years after Steve died, Tim Cook the replacement CEO of Apple, is struggling without the founder’s vision and leadership so has hired a woman,Angela Ahrendts, from a high-end hand bag firm to head up Apple’s marketing.  She’s one of the few females ever invited to the Apple board. This tragic and desperate move will be marked as the turning point in the fortunes of Apple. Sony and Samsung have already beaten Apple to the smart watch. The iphone 5 is just an iphone 3 with a better camera and competitors have stolen all the ipad ideas.

A Little History

The glass in the iphone, (Gorilla Glass) is a relic from the 1960s. Corning had no production facilities for it and refused to make it – that is until Jobs barged into the CEOs office and hammered the guy to dedicate an entire factory to it. Steve started a revolution in portable touch screen devices. No more horrid plastic screens and styluses. The guy killed himself working all hours of the day and night with a passion most people cannot imagine. Microsoft had to steal his ideas for Windows just to keep up. (Not to mention that his side project Pixar made him a quick $8 billion.)

The computer must be like a home appliance, Steve decided. Appealing, functional, easy to use – yet also sexy and stylish. He wanted people to feel that their gadgets were an extension of their mind. A way to be creative, to be more than just a human being. As with all geniuses, the level of his accomplishments are overlooked and his vision misunderstood – clouded both with the politics of the company he left behind, as well as the gossip of his personal life and character flaws.

If you read his biography or (lazily) watch the Hollywood version ‘Jobs’ you cannot avoid the man’s sheer determination not to accept ‘crap’. Steve hated second rate products that consumers buy and companies profit from, but which are not well engineered. The iphone 1.0 was scraped days before it’s release, costing Apple millions. Steve wanted it to be perfect.

Before Steve died, his ambition was to change the TV. Walter Isaacson describes Steve wracked with cancer, writhing in agony in his bedroom, cursing at the TV and laying out how it should work. A real man with balls, who was alive until he was not. If Apple’s staff needed direction as to the future of the company they only had to read Steve’s bio. Tim Cook should be hiring a hard hitting entertainment exec, and making strategic partnerships with the TV networks and studios…. even taking on Microsoft’s X-Box, not sniffing at some fancy hand bag woman.

Apple has dropped the ball. Why is there no Apple TV on the scale of iTunes and the iPhone? Why aren’t they developing a device that is networked, interactive, online and completely changing the rules of the TV game? Netflix is killing it. Where is Apple? Even Sony makes better TVs and they lost it years ago. Apple could kill it with a TV. That was literally Steve’s dying wish.

Women In Tech Have A Terrible Track Record

King Apple is following King Sony into neverland. Swamped with competition and lacking ideas, Apple hires none other than Angela Ahrendts whose claim to fame is that she vamped up the marketing for Burberry hand bags. A troll from the fashion industry should not be allowed in tech. Tech is all we have to separate us from tribesman and animals. It is not about marketing gimmicks, but about improving humanity.

Carly Fiorina ran HP into the wall in the early 2000s (HP was another Silicon Valley garage start up). She gave the once titan of tech’s crown straight to Apple without so much as a sniffle. Another woman CEO, Meg Whitman, presided over Ebay. She dropped the ball on Ebay’s verification and payment system, losing the battle to Paypal that Ebay had to pay $1.5 billion dollars to acquire. Worse still, Meg was so arrogant to think she could buy the post for governor of California by spending $144 million of her ill-gotten Ebay gains, only to find the voters laughed in her face.

And now Apple, the king of consumer tech, hires the Burberry hand bag CEO for a position that most likely set her up to be CEO of Apple in a few years. (The blue pill media is already anointing her the future CEO of Apple). As many a husband will confirm, once you let a woman into your house, she’ll jolly soon take over.

Burberry Is No Apple

Burberry is the bane of  husbands the world over, selling useless and overpriced branded items along the lines of Louis Vuitton; using the Scottish tartan as its ‘iconic’ tag. Burberry will happily charge you $1000 for an unnecessary cloth and leather luxury item (some real ground breaking technology right there) that probably costs less than $50 to make.

Apple revolutionized the face of technology. Steve’s forward thinking attitude gave people gadgets so useful and so usable that our whole world has changed because of it. And now they want to put a woman in to head up marketing and dump Apple products into the shops as if they are some ‘must have’ female fashion accessory.

Apple was never about that. Apple was about absolute male logic, ambition and realism (and a little magic). Apple was about pushing the envelope further than possible, to create the greatest products on the planet, beating out Exxon and Microsoft by market cap. The market cap. of Burberry is $6 billion. The market cap of Apple is $500 billion. The difference is because one makes useless ‘designer’ products that are bought only to attach a sense of value to one’s image. Never mind that this entire mindset is not better or more advanced than the tribal chief and his feathered head dress. (no offense to native American tradition meant)

Let’s have a look at what Steve Jobs thought about tribal respect and image. The guy didn’t even wear a belt, never mind a $500 Burberry one.

How can you insult his legacy by hiring an accessory marketing troll? How can Tim Cook soil one of the most important companies in the world, by hiring some light weight, whose last post was in a company barely 1% the size of Apple. Her experience is in selling products YOU DO NOT NEED. Whereas Apple was built by making products you don’t know you need, but which are so awesome when you see them, that you have to have them (even if that means queuing all night in the street to get it). They actually changed the entire planet’s attitude towards multiple product categories.

Meanwhile Burberry still knocks out the same crap it did 150 years ago, and your average male’s butthole puckers up as he walks past their stores, quickly distracting his girlfriend’s attention lest tonight’s BJ cost more than a round trip to Bangkok. No one is queuing all night for $1000 hand bags. The only thing Burberry knows about marketing is how to appeal to brain dead ‘shiney’ women whose sex starved husbands’ wallets outsize their shriveled penises.

The outer design and ‘feel’ of the product, the packaging and so forth you find from Apple, was simply a kind of ‘Zen’ presentation of what was within. That was the genius of Steve Jobs. He beat marketers and their plastic packaging at their own game, by actually putting engineering and guts into his products. The only guts in Burberry is from dead animals.

Apple was never about the marketing ‘con’ rather about making amazing products. Burberry is ONLY about the marketing con. Making average to poor products and selling them entirely on image. Obviously that is Apple’s new business strategy for why else would they hire an expert in that field? Do we need Harry Potter actors to choose our iphone because the engineering is so lame?

This is the woman’s world of marketing; where feelings, emotion, image and the sense of self-worth conveyed are more important than functionality. Where keeping up with the Joneses and flattening hubby’s credit card is more important than what the product can functionally do for you.

This Is A Sad Time For Apple Fans

You cannot and will not be able to market Apple products using a female strategy for hand bags. Tim Cook has missed the point entirely.

John Sculley, the marketing genius from Pepsi (another completely useless product that also happens to be a health hazard), ousted Steve jobs in the 80s and led Apple to ruin, relying purely on cranked profit margin and marketing gimmicks. Angela Ahrendts was CEO of Burberry. Is an ex CEO going to be satisfied with just heading up marketing, or does she have her eye on the crown like Scully did? What agenda does she have to make her mark in the man’s world as a fem CEO of a fortune 500 company?

Poor Tim Cook was done as Apple CEO before he even started. He’s Steve’s robot (with hair and pancreas intact) running on low batteries. Tim’s only role at Apple was to find the next Steve. Angela Ahrendts is most certainly not the MAN he’s looking for. How long before she takes the reigns of Apple and leads it down the same path that Scully did?

It’s a sadder day than the day Steve died, because while a man is always going to die, his legacy can be understood and preserved for decades – even centuries to come. Yet it is clear that Steve was misunderstood and mistreated by those around him, and his legacy will be flushed away with Angela Ahrendts’ period pad. Apple produced products that took us a step closer to the stars, a step closer to Star Trek type technologies, taking us away from the tribal caveman and towards human beings. Of course it takes a woman and a marketer to pull all that apart and land us back in the land of trinkets, superstition and war paint. RIP Hewlett Packard, RIP Apple. Steve will always be remembered. His company, not so much.

Read Next: 5 Honest Hiring Tips From Someone Who Hires

About the Author

is originally from London. He has traveled the world, speaks 4 languages and although sporting a degree from one of the finest engineering universities in the world, he's never done an honest day's work, preferring to live by his wits. He is a perpetual insomniac and rarely wakes up before midday.


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