5 Reasons Fat Girls Don’t Deserve Love
I interrupt my normal scheduled program of insightful game techniques and tips on how to pick up hot thin sluts and keepers, to bring you the fat -er I mean facts, on why Fat Girls Don’t Deserve Love. This is an open letter to fat girls world-wide, but specifically in the good ole USA, where the fat girl epidemic is at an all time high.
Dear Fat Girls,
Grab a box of Ho Ho’s, a gigantic slice of apple pie topped with old-fashioned cookies and cream ice cream and settle your fatass on your worn out couch. It’s worn out because you sit on it almost 24/7 bitching about why it’s “So hard to find a good man!”, while watching Sex and The City and wondering why it’s hard for you to get laid by handsome, successful chaps like myself. Let me tell you as clearly as I can WHY I cannot have sex with you and more importantly why you do not deserve love…
Because your very large physical presence is a display of slothfulness, low self-esteem, and unattractiveness.
Here is my Top 5 Reasons Why You Don’t Deserve Love:
5. You Smell
It’s impossible to be that fucking fat and be able to wash your ass properly after a shit, unless you take a bath in your swimming pool after each and every shit.
4. You Suck At Sex
Unless you’re hell bent on having a heart attack, there’s no way in hell you can keep up with my jackhammer porno style sex that I deliver with the velocity of Superman on crack. You lay on the bed with your enormous legs open, begging for me to FIND YOUR PUSSY, which I can’t for the life of me, unless I roll you around in flower and look for the wet spot.
3. Public Appearances
For the life of me, I cannot with a good conscious, take you in public and flaunt you around. First off, I don’t won’t to make people queasy and on top of that I drive a 2-seater of which there is no fucking way in hell you’ll fit in it. The only solution would be to get one of those U-Haul trailers and pull you behind me.
2. Can’t Hug You Within 3 Seconds
I have to give you 3 hugs just to encompass your entire body, which takes time up out of my life. Time is valuable and spending an extra 5-10 seconds to hug you simply is not congruent with my agenda. Sorry sweets.
All you want to do is eat and dammit I refuse to spend hundreds of dollars a week keeping you fed. It’s ridiculous the amount of food you demand daily, in fact, it’s enough to feed a pony or two, or perhaps a family of seals. Also, your habit of reaching over to my plate and snatching food like a fucking gorilla simply pisses me off to no extent. For this reason ALONE, you do not deserve love.
You hate thin girls who take care of themselves, call them ‘bitches’, are filled to the brim with jealousy at their good-looking boyfriends, and all the while you MASK your true feelings of self-loathing by saying that “big is beautiful”. Excuse me while I go throw up.
I don’t give 2 flying fucks how many politicians, marketing companies, nor that fat girl from Precious, tell you it’s okay and attractive to be fat; it’s simply not true. Your fatness is the human version of a dead hippo, a beached whale, or to put it more bluntly, a human size cupcake: spongy on the outside, round and full of crap.
All is not lost though. There is hope and it’s quite simple: put your motherfucking fork down, go to the gym and don’t stop until you’re an appropriate weight for your height. Easy right?
Now pull yourself off the couch, go wash your grubby greasy face, throw your shit food into the garbage and go buy a gym membership.
Men Who Have Their Shit Together and Workout Across The Fucking World
P.S. Even after losing weight, don’t even think about NOT getting surgery on those stretch marks. If I get fooled and you take your clothes off and your body looks like a map then I’m going to verbally humiliate you…with a megaphone…to your entire neighborhood.
For the men out there in this world who desire attractive, in shape women, check out http://www.ChristianMcQueen.com and enter your email to get my 7 Day Mini Pickup Guide for Free.