Feminists love using newly-invented buzzwords to push their narratives. Often they grossly exaggerate real problems, or even gripe about nothing. Their absurd framing tactics would be laughable if they weren’t propping up a dismal and cheerless ideology poisoning the natural affection between women and men.

It’s much funnier if the script is flipped.

The ambition gap

Ladies, join us down here! It pays better than retail.

You’ve heard the “women are paid 77 cents on the dollar” baloney, right? Pay discrimination became illegal in 1962 per US federal law. Actually, if employers really could get away with hiring women at a 23% discount, the female unemployment rate would be zero. However, the fuzzy math unravels when these factors are considered:

  • Women tend to study easier majors in college;
  • Men choose to work more overtime;
  • Mothers often stay home to care for young children while the fathers support the household;
  • Men work dirty, tedious, and dangerous jobs that women avoid (consequentially, men are over 90% of workplace fatalities).

That’s right—feminists have the balls to complain about men being more productive. Should we draft babes as coal miners, loggers, and construction workers? They couldn’t handle the work. Besides, it’ll be super-duper productive to gripe about THE AMBITION GAP!

So whenever you’re working late to help finish a project on schedule, but you see a woman clocking out at 5pm, give her a dirty look and tell her to check her privilege. Does someone use a sick day because of menstrual cramps? Well, straighten out that uterus, soldier! As every good liberal knows, making people feel guilty will heal the world.

Femsplaining

Ever heard a feminist talking down to a man because she has a chip on her shoulder longer than her dildo? If you thought she’s merely being snotty, or making an ass of herself, then you failed to apprehend the cosmic injustice of femsplaining. I mean, how dare anyone talk to members of a preferred class in a way they don’t like? As every good liberal knows, your right to free speech ends where my feelings begin.

Now let’s put the buzzword on steroids. We’ll also make femsplaining include any time there’s condescension to a man, for any reason. No, let’s make it any time he thinks that’s happening, whether or not she intended it that way. Better yet, whenever we want to shut down an argument, we’ll shriek “FEMSPLAINING”! We’ll make ourselves the sole deciders of when it’s happening—I feel so empowered now!

False accusation culture

She tried to ruin someone’s life because she got dumped.

Phony allegations can ruin people’s lives. Sometimes journalists neglect to investigate facts (that’s supposed to be their job), and spin them into media feeding frenzies. That demonizes men generally. Everything is quietly forgotten when the truth emerges. The false accuser almost never faces consequences.

Despite that, “false accusation culture” isn’t real, any more than bars prove “drunk driving culture” exists. If society really approved of it, then perjury and obstruction of justice wouldn’t be crimes, and “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor” wouldn’t be a commandment anyone takes seriously. Everybody knows that accusing people of things they didn’t do is wrong, and decent people don’t do that.

Still, if we can get enough suckers believing in false accusation culture and whipped up into a moral panic, we can get away with anything. Suppose I sneak up behind the secretary and grab her ass. Then I’ll call the Patriarchy Police when HR busts me because I harassed her. Soon her ass will be dragged to a Star Chamber tribunal. There, due process will be thrown out the window, because—according to “false accusation culture” rhetoric—women are liars until proven truthful. As every good liberal knows, the truth of something is decided by how it fits the narrative.

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Now let’s put the buzzword on steroids. We’ll also make this mean stuff having nothing to do with phony allegations. If some chick tells her friend that you’re lousy in bed, if you get probing questions about your finances while on a date, if someone even ghosts you unexpectedly—it’s FALSE ACCUSATION CULTURE!

The Gynarchy

Queen Dworkin headed The Sisterhood until her fatal cheeseburger overdose.

Long ago, some trend-setting feminists actually did define all men as oppressors. This wasn’t the first time that a henhouse of eccentric, malcontented activists declared a grudge-fest against half of humankind. Feminists today still are ruining society in countless ways. They get away with this because they have the backing of leftist politicians, media figures, and women’s studies professors paid to indoctrinate girls.

Still, let’s blow the truth way out of proportion and pretend that they’re omnipotent. This cabal meets in a subterranean, vagina-shaped hideaway. There, bulldykes resembling manatees with buzzed, blue hair plot new ways to make men suffer, while they sip their coffee-flavored milkshakes and twirl their waxed mustaches. Let’s pretend every woman agrees with The Sisterhood completely. We’ll scorn them all as agents of The Gynarchy. As every good liberal knows, instilling collective guilt is the neatest thing since flavored condoms.

Therefore, The Gynarchy is responsible for anything wrong that happens in a guy’s personal life. Even the smallest inconveniences, under any circumstances, are systematic oppression. If a dude gets lousy service by a Fivebucks Coffee barista, is rejected for being a hipster soy boy, his Hannibal Lecter themed pickup line isn’t received well, or even if he even gets stuck in traffic—that’s all THE GYNARCHY’S fault!

Femspreading

Yes, this feminist professor complained bitterly about “manspreading”.

Does a woman sitting on a bus, subway, or any other public area take up more space than she should? Maybe she put her purse or shopping bags on another seat. Oh noes! If she lets a body part cross over onto another seat, that’s an atrocity. We guys are good with spatial geometry, so visualize a line extending from the midpoint between the seats. If one of the thunder thighs ever crosses this line even slightly, then stand up and scream “FEMSPREADING!” If enough of us do this, people will start acting like it’s a serious problem, instead of the ridiculous joke I’m making.

Speaking of public transit, it used to be considered courteous for gentlemen to give up seats to ladies. I’m not sure how long that custom lasted, but it was probably a long time. Seating arrangements are more likely to be first-come first-served these days, but I bet some innocent boy out there is being taught that this archaic custom is part of being polite. Well, it’s the Current Year!

To redress this shameful past, women should now give up seats to men. Punishing people in the present for things that happened generations ago makes perfect sense, because as every good liberal knows, two wrongs make a right. If a woman has lots of heavy shopping bags, so what? I bet that there’ve been lots of construction workers who, after a long day carrying bricks or bags of cement, still happily got up so that a lady could relax in comfort. However, pregnant women should be exempted, because the kid could be a boy. Anyway, we’ll send a press release to the gals whenever we decide that they can stop deferring to us.

Finally

All that was pretty goofy, right? So are those silly feminist buzzwords. BTW, the Jerusalem Post won’t like the following.  (Hint: stop doing things like that, and you’ll stop receiving criticism.)

Read More: Why Is There A Prolific Jewish Presence In The American Feminist Movement?

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