The best predictor of your future success with women in any other situation is your success in your current situation. This may sound tautological, but is an underrated truth that some men fail to grasp.
Many men think, and even say, “If I get into XYZ situation I’d be crushing ass.” You see this especially frequently with married/relationship friends on their biannual wife-sanctioned night out with the guys. The married man’s lament is “If I were still single…”, but are they getting looks from attractive women? Can they flirt with waitresses and bystanders and create attraction? Usually not. Many men would rather retreat into a safe fantasy world than admit they’re anything but master players who are just in a relationship because it’s temporarily convenient for them. This happens for two reasons:
1. Vicarious wish fulfillment
Louis CK talks about this in his first class bit (12:30 – 16:15):
This is why you don’t tell many other people your goals — just the act of vocalizing them to another person releases dopamine in your brain, giving you the feeling of goal fulfillment without it happening. When you delude yourself into thinking you’re better than you are, it actively prevents the mechanisms necessary for improvement.
2. Plausible deniability
Most people are lazy. Every man wants to get girls, but most have no desire to put in the work necessary to get better at game, and many who do try give up after initial troubles. Saying “If only XYZ were true” allows them to hide their deficiencies with a non-falsifiable hypothesis. If they ever get into that particular situation, watch their male hamsters spin as they set another aspirational set of ridiculous circumstances necessary for them to pull.
Here are some situations where this plays out:
Night Game Venues
The guys bitching about the “ratio” are often the ones who never approach. Turn yourself into someone who stands above the 70% schlubs in the room rather than complaining about the “vibe”
International travel
If you can’t approach and lay girls in your home country, it’s not going to happen abroad (unless you pay).
Relationships
Mentioned already, but the guys in relationships with middling girls are always the ones talking about how many hot chicks they could pull if single.
US Cities
How many times have you heard a friend say something like, “If only I lived in Miami, I’d be rolling in it.” Different personalities and looks play better in certain parts of the country, but the idea that game is vastly different from city to city within the United States is largely bullshit. If you live in a city big enough to have even one major league sports team and you’re not getting a piece of the action, it’s not magically going to click somewhere else.
Even if your future plans include gaining fame or money, the two most polarizing external changes that will make you more attractive to women, it’s likely you will not use them to their fullest capacity if your game was weak before becoming externally more valuable. Ask any rock star, athlete, or entrepreneur who has been taken to the cleaners in a divorce because he did not select a suitable partner.
Figure out how to shine in your current situation, and stop making excuses about your circumstances.
Read Next: 5 Tips For Dating In Small Towns
