Negative HIV Tests For Sale

It has come to my attention that women are selling positive pregnancy tests on Craigslist. It is assumed these tests are not for making funny Youtube videos, but deceiving men in the hopes of gaining their commitment.

A site called Daily Dot found it possibly reprehensible that this is being allowed, but stops short of judging the women who engage in positive pregnancy test commerce:

I’m all for women with a business plan, and the concept of a ratchet network intrigues me, but this might be taking the idea of “lean in” a little too far.

I paid careful attention to this story for several days after its release, waiting for outrage from the American media. I waited in vain, because there was none (it only made the rounds on the Men’s Rights subreddit). This was actually good news for us over at ROK, since as you already know, we are looking to make some money for the site. We have decided on the male equivalent of selling positive pregnancy tests, and don’t anticipate any criticism to our venture.

Negative HIV Tests

For only $50, we can sell you a bonafide negative HIV test. You can give it to whomever you want—we don’t ask questions. Here’s how it will work:

1. You purchase a HIV home test.

2. Contact us to get the address of the nearest HIV negative ROK writer. Mail the test to him. (European readers will be mailing me their test.)

3. We will bleed, drool, urinate, or defecate on the test, whichever is required as per the protocol.

4. We will mail the test back to you through express mail. You can then forward the test to the laboratory for a guaranteed, worry-free result.

Dramatization of ROK writer fulfilling your order

Special Upgrade Combo

If you purchase a negative HIV test within the next week, you get a negative syphilis upgrade for only $5 more. That’s right—you will be confirmed negative for HIV and syphilis. And you know what, since we appreciate the loyalty of our readership, we will toss in a negative herpes test at no extra charge. If you are interested in our service, please email [email protected] with the result you desire.

Don’t let a little STD ruin a relationship you want with a woman. Order an ROK Negative STD Result test today so that you can continue having sex just as if you were STD-free. Since we anticipate such a huge demand for this service, please be patient in receiving a reply to your inquiry. Thank you for your patronage.

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