First off—let me start by saying rape is bad—in any and all situations. There is a debate as to whether or not the #metoo movement is actually directly stopping any rapes, but that is a discussion for another place. Here we are to discuss how and why the #metoo movement is killing good sex for everyone.
I hadn’t always realized how many women wanted to be dominated when it came to sex. In my early 20’s I always felt like I needed permission to move ahead sexually with women, from the first kiss all the way to getting kinky with handcuffs. I always felt like there was a need for me to ask first, or lean in for the kiss 90% of the way and allow her to “handshake” my movement before going in. Then, something magical happened. One summer night on a wonderful date—the skies parted and a large booming voice yelled “just do it!”
Nearly all women want to be dominated in bed
So that was exactly what I started doing, and boy, did my life change for the better. Women, I realized, nearly always wanted a man who was going to take charge and do the thinking for them when it came to potentially awkward situations or rejections. I made it my mission to take all that away for them and just go for it in a smooth and fun way that had them saying yes most of the time.
In my late 20’s, and now having just pierced my 30’s, I can safely say having been single for a lot of that time I have been out with over 100 women and when I wanted to move things forward— I did. Thinking back through the years I can think of ONE time a woman backed me off. I fumbled to take off her bra on a first date when she put her hand on my chest and said “Chill Out Romeo.” I immediately did and backed away. We both chuckled about her hilarious line on the next date, after having had sex.
The point here is not that I’m a God to women, because I’m not. I’m an 8 , maybe a 9 when I pay attention to my diet. Nor am I slut by any stretch—most of these women I never decided to move forward with on those dates. But when I chose to do so—I had found the key to the kingdom. Don’t think, just do what feels right, and it was working to the greatest of effect.
The Arrival of the #Metoo Movement
Then the #metoo movement came along and ruined my fun and the fun of my potential female sex partners. It did the worst thing it could have ever made me do—it made me think. Now, thinking isn’t necessarily bad, but thinking in the moment, for our purposes here, when you should be doing, is really really bad. Take it from me. The effects of which you will read about below.
So it was another first date that was going swimmingly when we began making out on my bed. We had kissed at the bar and on the way home so it was all feeling right. I could tell it was my cue was to get a condom—and I fucked up.
For years before, when I decided to do that classic and intricate swim move that is the one handed reach for a condom while still maintaining current relations with the other and a woman asked “What are you doing?” I would say, “I’m doing exactly what you want me to be doing,” and it would, as it turned out, be exactly what she had wanted.
This time, however, I thought about the remote but possible charges it could somehow later incur, and I pitifully uttered “I was going to get a condom. Is that okay?” She gave me a little frown, pushed me off of her and within the next ten minutes of us awkwardly waiting for her Uber, she had managed to call me “cute” five times.
She had wanted me to make the decision, as a man, as I had always done in the past, and what she saw instead was a weak man with no confidence. I could palpably see her look at me differently after that exchange, and needless to say we did not go for a second date. The wind was out of our sails.
The Damage Has Been Done
The point, my friends, is the #metoo movement had made me worry that if I did what I knew we both had wanted me to do, it could still be extrapolated as rape by her had she not expressly given me the “Okay, yes lets fuck” handshake. We all know that happens incredibly rarely when instead sex generally just HAPPENS, without any verbal exchange required.
Men and women are sexual beings and we instinctively should be making those decisions in the moment. And if a woman really did NOT want me to have sex with her she could always make it very clear with a solid “No I don’t want you inside of me at this very moment” or something direct and obvious to that effect. However, the #metoo movement somehow has me thinking that now I require much more clarification before moving towards sex. It has ruined the beautiful simplistic approach I once had. It will sex for all of us.