When guys think about game they fantasize about the end result—that is, a beautiful girl in their bed. What they don’t consider is the work that it takes to get there: work that involves adrenaline-fuelled rejection, yes, but which is also often simply mundane.
Embracing mundanity is essential if you are going to succeed in any area of life, from game to business to sports to writing. You must be willing to get down and dirty and do the grunt work if you are to see great results from any endeavour. It’s not glamorous, it’s not especially fun, but it is absolutely essential, however unfortunate that may seem.
In the case of running a business, there are plenty of less-than-exciting tasks that must be done regularly if you are to succeed. You must, for example, regularly report income and expenditure to your accountant (if you have one). You must attend to your social media presence on a daily basis (if you’re in the online sphere, at least). You must also analyse your sales regularly to see what is working and what isn’t. You should also consider your working practices to determine whether or not what you are doing is putting you in the best position to succeed.
Of course, you can outsource some of these tasks if you have the budget to do so. But unless you literally pay other people to do everything—not usually practical in the case of a startup—then you will have to do a proportion for yourself.
Which leads us back to my opening remark: all too often people think only about the success they hope to achieve, and not about the nuts and bolts of process that will take them there.
Yes, visualization is great and it works. But in the case of meeting and attracting girls, whether you are looking for casual fun or something more serious, there is a little-acknowledged ‘admin’ side that can be daunting and dull.
For one thing, you need to keep approaching in order to generate new ‘leads’. Whether you are doing so in person through cold approach, or via a dating app like Tinder, this can get samey pretty fast. Why? Because after a while—and as your approach anxiety begins to fade—you will start to realise that these encounters all follow a common pattern. In many cases girls will ask you the same few questions (how old are you? Do you always hit on girls in the street? etc.) and their life stories won’t exactly be radically different to each other.
Going on dates can be even worse. There was a time a while back when I was going on five dates or more a week. Despite being an introvert I am a fairly sociable guy, and I find getting to know new people interesting. However, dates can be formulaic, and when you stack one after another it’s like going on a series of job interviews.
Of course, it is the successful seducer’s job to make each date exciting and unique. By this I don’t mean taking her skydiving or bungee jumping or the like: a few drinks at your local lounge is enough. But you should be aiming to inject sufficient charisma and excitement into the proceedings to get her hooked. But this is only possible up to a point. After that it is hard to avoid a certain commonality where each date begins to look a little like the last.
This commonality is also to be found in the texting back and forward that you will do with girls you meet. These days—and for a long time—I have found myself using the same stock openers, stacks and teases over messenger. This is less because I am unoriginal and more because they work. Of course, I will also introduce random new elements, and each new girl will inspire twists and variations on well-trodden conversational themes. But in the main, messaging is an admin task like any other.
Learn To Love The Process, Man
I don’t intend this to be one of those ‘learn to love the process’ articles, because let’s face it, process sucks, especially when it’s boring. All I want is for everything to be easy. All I want is to say hi to a girl and have her sleep with me immediately off the back of it. But it doesn’t work like that.
So rather than learning to love the process, I would counsel you to come to embrace the process. There’s a subtle difference. Yes, texting multiple girls, or sending out many Tinder or dating site openers, or going on hundreds of dates, can get tedious and even frustrating. But when you visualise that shiny, golden ‘thing’ that you want at the end of the process—in this case sex with a beautiful girl—then you must simultaneously accept that the price you have to pay for it is the work you will put in. The two things are inextricably linked. And once you do so then you will find that doing the grunt work required is a little less irksome than before.
The other great advantage you have as a player is that while the individual actions you must take each time to facilitate a lay are pretty much identical—approach, say this, text that, escalate now, etc—each girl is different. And it is this which gives the practice of game its interest and excitement. Focus on your desire to get to know this particular girl and going through the motions will be far less painful than they otherwise might be.
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