12 Essentials To Being A Great Wingman
“Bros before hoes” is dead. Or maybe it never existed to begin with. In truth, when you and your wingman both abide by certain rules, and have realistic expectations, there is no betrayal or disrespect of your fellow man. You will get laid more, and enjoy going out more too. Here is my twelve-fold path to wingman greatness:
1. Don’t Be A Bitch
The wingman isn’t there to go to the bathroom with you. He’s not there to cradle you in his arms after you down too many Jagerbombs. He isn’t there to approach girls and pass them onto you. The rule isn’t “fags before hags.”
You exist to facilitate your wingman getting laid, and vice versa. If you’re an impediment to getting your wingman laid, you are a failure as a wingman. Sure, he can continue to be friends with you and invite you to his barbecues and go to your bridal shower; but he will have no reason to go out on the town with you. You wouldn’t ask an emaciated girlfriend to help you move your couch, so you shouldn’t expect to wing with a man if you’re not upping his odds of getting ass.
The standard ethics don’t apply. For example, if you pick up a friend to drive somewhere, typically you’d also drop him off on the way back. But if you’re raring to take home a girl you just met at the bar, taking your friend home might mean losing the lay, that night and probably forever. There is no “if we come together we leave together” rule, because that would defeat the whole enterprise of getting laid. This isn’t disrespect or rudeness, it’s mutual sacrifice for a greater cause. It’s honoring and achieving your real, common goal.
Only men who don’t get laid fuss about being ‘ditched.’ If a man is scolding you with ‘bros before hoes,’ it’s because he’s not getting laid and he feels left out.
2. Look Sharp
Even if your wing is stylish and charming, girls are going to judge him by the company he keeps. If you’re sixty pounds overweight or you wear nylon pants to the bar while your wing is svelte and suited up, girls will not only think little of you, but they will also look at your wingman with prejudice. Don’t let your wingman wonder if you’re actually a liability, and look sharp. A debonair wing makes you look good. His appearance does not come at your expense. The reverse holds true too - girls like to assess a man by the company he keeps. So when the girl you’re flirting with sees that your wing is a cool guy too, she takes it as further proof that you are cool.
A few guys are such a force of personality that they can look like fat slobs and still bang hot girls, but they are rare. You are not that guy.
3. Learn To Fly Solo First
There are times when your company is a boon to your wingman, and there are times when it’s not. You have to be ready to walk away from your wingman immediately when you cease to be of help, like when a single girl takes an interest in him. If you’re not comfortable going solo, then you’re going to dote on your wingman and cockblock him, because you’re too pussy to leave his side. You need to be comfortable going solo for hours at a time.
4. Practice Good Rules Of Engagement
He who opens a group of girls gets to choose. If the girls express interest otherwise, switch girls. If your girl sucks, don’t go and bear down on your wing and his girl – if your buddy is doing well, try and occupy your girl. It’s up to you and him how long you have to run interference – if you find yourself jumping on the grenade so much you’re getting fewer results, ease up and let him pick up the slack.
I once approached two Russian girls. One turned out to be bitchy, so I opted for the nice one. I brought an Australian guy along that night, and he swooped in and initially tried for the bitchy one. He quickly made the same discovery I did. Instead of plowing through or walking off, he came over to me and the girl I had, and cockblocked me into oblivion.
When your wingman does something flagrantly disrespectful, you have to call him out on it, and get his assurance that he will stop. If he continues to do it, he’s simply a prick who won’t change – the only solution is to stop being his wingman. I called out the Australian on his cockblocking – after he did that once or twice more, I simply stopped going out with him.
If at any time you break a rule, you make it up to him. E.g., buy his next drink or pay for his valet - ‘sorry’ doesn’t cut it. Be generous and always get him back - like when your wing gives you a ride, you volunteer to pay for his parking. Don’t wait for him to call you a cheap fuck. Otherwise, you may find him avoiding you while you have no idea why.
5. You’re In The Taliban Now – Act Like It
When your wingman is talking to a single girl, there is no reason to engage him. Or her. Imagine you are in Taliban-controlled Afghanistan, and that talking to your wingman’s girl will get you stoned at the next village carnival. Half of seduction is isolation – interrupt that, and you may blow the whole effort. She may start sizing you up in relation to your wingman, and decide that you’re both comparable and therefore both unexceptional and not worthy of sex with her.
6. Don’t Be A Pussy-Pincher
Every night in every bar in America, there is the same pattern of men cockblocking each other: two or three men are talking to one woman. This happens because they are too cowardly to part; and no one wants to ‘lose’ her. In reality, none of them will get her, because they’re cockblocking each other continuously, preventing any one of them from getting alone with her to seduce her. I see this one constantly, and it never ceases to amaze me how clueless guys can be. The more you cling to the pussy, the less you’ll have of it.
If you and your wingman find yourself in this situation, one of you must walk. Better that the one she’s more keen on stays. If she hasn’t made a clear choice, you can use some tiebreaker where in the event of a tie, you get say, the tall or white girls, and he gets the short or non-white girls.
7. Avoid Zero Sum Thinking
If you’ve ever been in business with the peoples of the world, you’ve gotten to experience ‘zero-sum thinking’ first-hand. These are the men who think they can only win by making you lose. I’ve seen it myself among Middle Eastern people, and I’m sure it’s common elsewhere. In cultures where such thinking is prevalent, you’ll even hear sales pitches invoking it – “I’m losing money by selling you a Persian rug at this price, khoobi. Please, take it.”
They think that if you’re not in pain, they must be losing, because there must be a winner and a loser in every transaction. They’ll screw everyone short of their first cousin. A lot of men think this way when it comes to women. If you have a zero-sum mentality, you will think your wing’s success comes at your expense, and you will be tempted to undermine him as a result. You will be a terrible wingman.
8. Never Disrespect Your Wing
I had a college buddy who had a nasty habit of making jokes at my expense when we’d go out. If he had made these cracks in the company of male friends, I wouldn’t care. But he would do it explicitly in front of girls as if to say “hey, look how much better I am than Emmanuel!” Trash talk among men has its place. But trash talking your friend is never appropriate when you’re macking random girls.
When you disrespect your friend in front of a girl, you are saying “hey, it’s okay if you disrespect him too.” It’s like a child seeing his own parents insult each other – their attacks on each other just undermine their authority. The whole spectacle sullies everyone. Why should a girl respect your wing when she just saw you trampling all over him? And she isn’t going to bang a man she spent the whole night disrespecting. When you treat your wing like a king, you convey that he must be respected. This also helps him get laid.
As a tactical matter, undermining your wing doesn’t make you more attractive by comparison. Just the opposite. She may think “if he’s such a loser, and you know he’s a loser, why are you still friends with him? Maybe you can’t do better - you must be a loser too.” No matter how rude and petty a girl is, she will see your passive-aggressiveness as a sign that you’re a little bitch, and treat you accordingly. Your jibes just come off as reverse-bragging, which makes you seem insecure.
More masculine men tend to trash talk a lot, and this can be a hard habit to break. Instead, team up with your wingman and tease the girls. Imagine yourself as coaches of a sports team who mold the character of their charges with some gentle verbal hazing.
9. Pimps Up, Hos Down
Young attractive women hold tremendous power to determine what is and isn’t cool. Being labeled ‘creepy’ by a girl in front of an audience is nigh impossible to recover from. It’s all a façade though. If you can make her feel that no one cares what she thinks, she will become unsure of herself, and quit being so prissy.
Considering that you’re reading this site, your views about women and sex are vastly different from that of the typical girl. That’ll make for interesting and contentious conversation. Maybe you baldly state that women always look better with long hair, and she starts clucking in disagreement. As your wing, I’d shoot her a patronizing look and laugh with warm condescension. Even if she doesn’t outright change her mind, she will start to question herself, with her ego bruised. This also makes her easier to seduce.
All that’s needed for women to stop spouting nonsense is for men to stop nodding along. Deny them their license to pronounce judgment, and their power is diminished. She may even hold her tongue in the future.
10. Isolate As Quickly As Possible
The big mixed group dynamic creates a more asexual vibe, while the time spent alone with a girl has the opposite effect. Get into a one-on-one conversation as soon as is convenient, preferably out of the ear-shot of her friend and your wingman. This doesn’t mean going to the other side of the bar – just position yourselves so that conversation with the other girl and your wingman becomes difficult. Maybe your girl has a boyfriend, and her friend will cockblock you if she’s still in the conversation. Distance will keep her at bay.
A lot of extroverted men have a compulsion to be the ‘life of the party’ and attention whore themselves at all costs. They aren’t content to entertain just one girl, even though that’s usually the surest route to sex. Very good looking men with charm can have a similar effect. Unchecked, these men will outshine you again and again – or even just cockblock the two of you. If you keep calling him out on it and he responds that he’s ‘just being social,’ he is a lost cause, and should be abandoned immediately as a wing.
Good wingmen avoid this. Even if you are still right next to your wing and his girl, strive to maintain separate conversations. Both you and your wing need a chance at banging your respective girls, and this can’t happen when you both keep one-upping each other. You need to give each other some distance to give yourselves both a chance.
11. Your Female Friends Are There To Be Enjoyed
Your female friends are going to have sex with someone, and it might as well be your wing. For one reason or another, you aren’t banging her, and you aren’t going to. Let your wing enjoy her. Provided your wing is socially well-adjusted, you should have no qualms with your wingman taking a crack at her. If you try to ‘protect’ a female friend from having sex, it means you have some deeper insecurity. Maybe you think men ‘ruin’ ‘good girls,’ and she’ll suddenly start having casual sex when she had “never done that before.” Let her make the decision, not you.
Defending the ‘chastity’ of an American girl is like trying to swat flies with a hula hoop – it’s just not going to work, the buggers will always get through. And when your wingman sleeps with your friend
and gives her the gift of herpes, guaranteed, he will find a way to repay you. Hell, she probably will too.
Personally, I can’t think of a single girl in my history that I would keep a friend from fucking, if I were still talking to her. There’s going to be some reason I’m not getting with her now, so I’d have no problem with my friend having a go at her.
12. Players And Haters Don’t Mix
People who aren’t in the enterprise of banging female strangers just don’t appreciate its inherent difficulties. You may only have one chance to bang that girl you met two nights ago, and that means canceling your plan to get drinks with your buddy. Women are especially critical – after all, there’s no such thing as a man turning down sex because of ‘lost momentum.’ A girl doesn’t have to worry about a man refusing to meet up because he had, say, gone on vacation since they had last met. This is a very real, very common risk for a man going after strange women. Personally, I say it’s okay to break off a minor engagement for a first date with a girl if needed – reschedule and buy your friend a drink or lunch as a token of your apology.
However, this only applies for girls you haven’t banged. If you’re already banging a girl on the regular, there is no such urgency, and you should turn her down and continue with your prior engagement. Ironically, the man who isn’t a player is often far worse; he’ll disappear from his friends just to spend time with his girl who clearly isn’t going anywhere.